Need advice: DD's interaction with the school's resource officer today

[Anonymous]

DD is an minority honor student and a junior at a HoCo public school.
She's a sweet girl - a little on the shy side, and makes friends easily.

Today, when she entered her Spanish class, the teacher and the school's resource officer were standing in the doorway talking.
DD has seen the officer around school, but has never had any interactions with him.
DD walked around them and proceeded to her desk. Before she reached her desk, she heard the officer ask the teacher who DD was.
The teacher told him her name and about a minute later, the officer addresses DD from across the room with, "Jessica, manos arriba!" (Spanish for "Hands up!").
DD smiled nervously - surprised that he called her name and also was not familiar with the term. Her and a classmate sitting next to her quickly figured it out and smiled it off.

DD shared this story with the family at the dinner table this evening and I am freakin livid. I told her I was going to talk with the administrators tomorrow, but she protested and said it was fine, just "weird".

Please advise on what steps, if any, I should take next. TIA.

[Anonymous]

I am horrified reading this. I have kids in MS and graduating this year so I've experienced this age a few times. What I'd do is this. I'd be sure I have the facts straight from my DD. Then I'd email the teacher and cc the counselor and principal, sharing DDs story and letting them know I am concerned. Can they tell me more about what happened. My reaction after than would be based on what I learned.

Two things I've learned about this sort of event are that sometimes my kids omit facts or sensationalize events and sometimes teachers can add context that makes you view something in a different light.

[Anonymous]

PP here. What I tell my kids is that it's my job to protect them and only I can decide whether to address it with the school. I appreciate their concern and will take their feelings into consideration in my decision. But it's an adult decision and I will make it. Harsh as that sounds, this has never gone badly for me because I do t go in with guns blazing - I take it slow and gather information before I react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. What I tell my kids is that it's my job to protect them and only I can decide whether to address it with the school. I appreciate their concern and will take their feelings into consideration in my decision. But it's an adult decision and I will make it. Harsh as that sounds, this has never gone badly for me because I do t go in with guns blazing - I take it slow and gather information before I react.

This is OP. This is fantastic advice. I'll send an e-mail to the school tomorrow. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. What I tell my kids is that it's my job to protect them and only I can decide whether to address it with the school. I appreciate their concern and will take their feelings into consideration in my decision. But it's an adult decision and I will make it. Harsh as that sounds, this has never gone badly for me because I do t go in with guns blazing - I take it slow and gather information before I react.

This is OP. This is fantastic advice. I'll send an e-mail to the school tomorrow. Thank you!

Also, phrase the e-mail as "My daughter told me that this person did this, and then this person did that. After that, my daughter says that this happened." (Instead of just flat-out declaring that the people did the stuff and the stuff happened.) Then ask them to please look into it, because if it did happen, it's a big problem because [reasons]. And also tell them what you want them to do about it if it did happen.

[Anonymous]

I would be contacting the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. What I tell my kids is that it's my job to protect them and only I can decide whether to address it with the school. I appreciate their concern and will take their feelings into consideration in my decision. But it's an adult decision and I will make it. Harsh as that sounds, this has never gone badly for me because I do t go in with guns blazing - I take it slow and gather information before I react.

This is OP. This is fantastic advice. I'll send an e-mail to the school tomorrow. Thank you!

Also, phrase the e-mail as "My daughter told me that this person did this, and then this person did that. After that, my daughter says that this happened." (Instead of just flat-out declaring that the people did the stuff and the stuff happened.) Then ask them to please look into it, because if it did happen, it's a big problem because [reasons]. And also tell them what you want them to do about it if it did happen.

Perfect. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. What I tell my kids is that it's my job to protect them and only I can decide whether to address it with the school. I appreciate their concern and will take their feelings into consideration in my decision. But it's an adult decision and I will make it. Harsh as that sounds, this has never gone badly for me because I do t go in with guns blazing - I take it slow and gather information before I react.

This is OP. This is fantastic advice. I'll send an e-mail to the school tomorrow. Thank you!

Also, phrase the e-mail as "My daughter told me that this person did this, and then this person did that. After that, my daughter says that this happened." (Instead of just flat-out declaring that the people did the stuff and the stuff happened.) Then ask them to please look into it, because if it did happen, it's a big problem because [reasons]. And also tell them what you want them to do about it if it did happen.

Perfect. Thanks!

First PP here. My style is slightly different. I agree with everything to the point of saying "if this did happen it's a big problem . . . ". I investigate first without judgment or accusations. Addressing the reasons something is a problem comes after I know that something really did happen. Again, I know my kids omit fact and embellish and that teachers can add information that can change your opinion on whether there really is a problem.

[Anonymous]

I am white and think it's NO FREAKING JOKE to tell someone of a minority race to put their hands up when that person is in any sort of position of authority.

Talk about tossing around your power/authority.

OP, I might do this in person - go in and talk to someone face to face. That might go better.

[Anonymous]

I am a minority, and I don't see the big deal. He was just exhibiting his Spanish skills. It was a joke

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority, and I don't see the big deal. He was just exhibiting his Spanish skills. It was a joke

sigh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority, and I don't see the big deal. He was just exhibiting his Spanish skills. It was a joke

Are you a member of a Spanish-speaking minority group? Minorities aren't fungible.

[Anonymous]

I'll start by saying I'm not a minority as you may decide that invalidates my post, but I don't understand what the big deal is.

I agree it's weird, but it sounds like an adult trying to relate to kids and doing it badly. My impression from your post is that he did it as a joke and not as a serious action.

If it were my daughter, I'd probably acknowledge it was odd, but then shrug it off unless there were future incidents. Now, if he had pulled a gun, manhandled her, or made her feel threatened in any way it would be a completely different story. I would be the livid one in that case and I would be talking to people immediately.

I tend to be overprotective, but I try to let my kids take the lead at school. If they have concerns, I encourage them to address them personally, with the understanding that they can always ask me to talk to the school if needed. It sounds like your daughter is less upset about the situation than about you jumping in to fix the situation. Since your daughter was the one who was actually there, and since she's a high school junior (not an elementary student who may not be able to accurately judge situations), I'd trust her judgement and follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

I think there are positives to this story. The fact that the resource officer was (apparently) asking the Spanish teacher how to say "Hands Up" in Spanish -- to me that's a positive.

I would have preferred if he had said "Como Estas" or something more friendly. But I don't jump to the conclusion that he was doing something racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white and think it's NO FREAKING JOKE to tell someone of a minority race to put their hands up when that person is in any sort of position of authority.

Talk about tossing around your power/authority.

OP, I might do this in person - go in and talk to someone face to face. That might go better.

I think it's an issue regardless of race. Period.