Need advice: DD's interaction with the school's resource officer today

[Anonymous]

Your daughter laughed it off. Your daughter shared with you her feelings, "weird," and she said it's over with yet you want to make it a big deal. Let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares that your daughter is a minority.

It sounds like the officer was trying to joke around with the students. I can see that someone might see it as slightly distasteful. It's all about intent.

If this officer has a history of issues, then I would pursue it. Have you ever told a joke that didn't go over well?

OP does, I do, and other posters on this thread do.

Stop trying to turn everything into a racial issue. How do you even know that race was a factor?

[Anonymous]

No big deal. Don't be so sensitive. He was probably just trying to be funny, not singling your daughter out because she's a "minority".

Is this what the world has come to?

[Anonymous]

Don't let these sheep egg you on. You are overreacting and it is definitely not worth pursuing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is an minority honor student and a junior at a HoCo public school.
She's a sweet girl - a little on the shy side, and makes friends easily.

Today, when she entered her Spanish class, the teacher and the school's resource officer were standing in the doorway talking.
DD has seen the officer around school, but has never had any interactions with him.
DD walked around them and proceeded to her desk. Before she reached her desk, she heard the officer ask the teacher who DD was.
The teacher told him her name and about a minute later, the officer addresses DD from across the room with, "Jessica, manos arriba!" (Spanish for "Hands up!").
DD smiled nervously - surprised that he called her name and also was not familiar with the term. Her and a classmate sitting next to her quickly figured it out and smiled it off.

DD shared this story with the family at the dinner table this evening and I am freakin livid. I told her I was going to talk with the administrators tomorrow, but she protested and said it was fine, just "weird".

Please advise on what steps, if any, I should take next. TIA.

What, if anything, did the teacher say?

It's weird for sure.

Is this an actual police officer? or is it a security guard who is tasked as a "resource officer"? If the later, I wouldn't be surprised bc they get very little training.

[Anonymous]

I would ask to come in to talk to the school, "I'd like to understand more about exactly what may or may not have been said". Don't jump to conclusions. But yeah, it's odd and disturbing. Inappropriate.

Even if he had said it in English it would be inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares that your daughter is a minority.

It sounds like the officer was trying to joke around with the students. I can see that someone might see it as slightly distasteful. It's all about intent.

If this officer has a history of issues, then I would pursue it. Have you ever told a joke that didn't go over well?

OP does, I do, and other posters on this thread do.

Stop trying to turn everything into a racial issue. How do you even know that race was a factor?

Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. (How do you know it wasn't?) Either way, it's not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is an minority honor student and a junior at a HoCo public school.
She's a sweet girl - a little on the shy side, and makes friends easily.

Today, when she entered her Spanish class, the teacher and the school's resource officer were standing in the doorway talking.
DD has seen the officer around school, but has never had any interactions with him.
DD walked around them and proceeded to her desk. Before she reached her desk, she heard the officer ask the teacher who DD was.
The teacher told him her name and about a minute later, the officer addresses DD from across the room with, "Jessica, manos arriba!" (Spanish for "Hands up!").
DD smiled nervously - surprised that he called her name and also was not familiar with the term. Her and a classmate sitting next to her quickly figured it out and smiled it off.

DD shared this story with the family at the dinner table this evening and I am freakin livid. I told her I was going to talk with the administrators tomorrow, but she protested and said it was fine, just "weird".

Please advise on what steps, if any, I should take next. TIA.

What, if anything, did the teacher say?

It's weird for sure.

Is this an actual police officer? or is it a security guard who is tasked as a "resource officer"? If the later, I wouldn't be surprised bc they get very little training.

"Resource officer" is the title of the MCPD officer stationed at the school. The other civilian members of the security team are called security officers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter laughed it off. Your daughter shared with you her feelings, "weird," and she said it's over with yet you want to make it a big deal. Let it go

+1. Your dd isn't going to tell you anything again if you go to the school when she doesn't want you to.

Maybe the guy meant like a high five. If this were happening multiple times, then it's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter laughed it off. Your daughter shared with you her feelings, "weird," and she said it's over with yet you want to make it a big deal. Let it go

+1. Your dd isn't going to tell you anything again if you go to the school when she doesn't want you to.

Maybe the guy meant like a high five. If this were happening multiple times, then it's a problem.

I think the parent would actually be doing the RO a favor by pointing out the impropriety of his behavior now. Rather than later, when it could be in a much more high stakes circumstance.

The guy made a mistake; he should be told so he can learn from it.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one. First of all, all the folks telling you that you are overreacting need to fall back! This not about being politically correct or someone being a snowflake. Keep that BS out of these types of threads.

A person in law enforcement capacity at a school joking with any young lady about arresting them IS inappropriate. Given the epidemic of school personnel having improper relationships with students, this would raise my eyebrows. I would not go in there guns blazing but I would ask the teacher about the exchange in a polite non-accusatory way. As a former MS teacher I know that kids, especially girls, will typically downplay these issues because they do not want to be singled out and having mom intervene is embarrassing. You do not have to be an ass, but it within your rights (and hers) to get the facts. If the female teacher told me it was harmless, I would let it go. But I would ask. Full disclosure - I was sexually harassed in HS by a school employee. I told my mom who thought that I was overreacting. Made my sophmore year total hell.

[Anonymous]

Do you know why you cannot even joke about having a gun or bomb while you are going through airport security.... BECAUSE IT IS NOT FUNNY. Police brutality, misuse of power, and the like are NOT FUNNY. One of the reasons that school resource officers and administrators abuse their power is because they are not called on it when they make a small infraction.

Many of the posters here act like the only two options are to ignore what happened or to make this into a huge deal. There are other options, you can simply bring it to the school's attention and express your concern. I agree with the person who said that it is important to bring it to the resource officer's attention because he may not be aware of why you feel it is inappropriate behavior.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the best approach is to ask the Spanish teacher. She was there and saw what happened. It may have been part of a larger conversation with the SRO and she may have context. While part of the SRO job is to get to know the kids so that they feel comfortable reporting issues to the SRO, this seems to me more along the lines of the idiotic jokes boys make when they are trying to impress a girl by teasing her, so it comes off as kind of creepy to me (as well as racially insensitive). If the Spanish teacher is female and a reasonable person, she may have also picked up a vibe--if you meet with her in person, id guess you could tell a lot just from the way she relates the story to you.

[Anonymous]

All the officer wanted was a freaking HIGH 5! jeez.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has good instincts to tell you about it. I would compliment her on her instincts. When kids say something was 'weird' they can be on to something that is 'wrong' but they don't know how to say it yet.

I would want to know why he needed to know her name and why he said 'hands up' to her. The earlier poster's suggestion asking the question of the teacher is a good one. We don't know the make up of the school, but I'm assuming it is majority white that he would find a hispanic girl and single her out (I agree with the PP who noted that even that part is odd).

I would tell my daughter that her instincts are correct and, even if it is flirting, it's not appropriate. It could be that he wasn't racial harassing her but is flirting with her (either way, your daughter is correct in giving voice to her instincts). Letting the resource officer know (indirectly) that you know what he did could get him to back off your daughter and not pay her extra attention.

Too often we tell kids to override their instincts when they meet someone and just play along or be nice. Your daughter did the right thing in saying something and you obviously have a good relationship that she wanted to share it with you.