Is getting married an achievement?

[Anonymous]

Happily married, two kids and lots of "career" friends, formerly snarky about my marrying in mid 20s, who are now settling or infertile. I used to be self conscious around them. No more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

LOL. Lots of women who pop out 4+ kids have mediocre poor guy husbands. Depends on location and how frugal they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I am single and childless, I feel like a failure. It's a shame that marriage and kids are seen as the only ways in which to be a success in life. Even when you hear of successful career women you often hear 'But marriage and kids eluded her. ' It's sad and ridiculous if you think about it

I'm married, but I agree with you 100%!

[Anonymous]

Lots of women that are married and pop out multiple kids are sad and ridiculous. Just read through some of the posts on this board.

[Anonymous]

Getting married to the right person and building a successful marriage, great kids and financial security is an achievement. Getting married to the wrong person and being unhappy is the worst punishment you can give yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, getting married is no achievement. STAYING married is the real achievement.

+1

[Anonymous]

For me personally, it was an achievement. After several very bad relationships, including two which in retrospect were clearly abusive, I was very hesitant to open myself up to any man. I would be flirty and superficial, but would push away anyone who tried to scratch beneath the surface. It took overcoming fears for me to build a relationship with my now husband that was open and meaningful. While it certainly wouldn't need to be the case for everyone, for me getting married intensified that relationship. That felt really risky before hand, and I am glad I overcame that fear.

I put this into the same category of achievements that I would put things like improving my relationship with my mother, overcoming my fear of public speaking, increasing my body strength significantly, learning to cook well and healthily, and things like that. These are not at all things that I think everyone needs or wants to do, but they are things that were significant to me and that took work and determination. As far as I know, my friends and family are happy for me when things like this work out well, just as I am happy for them.

[Anonymous]

It's a milestone.

What I don't get is people who are signed up for social media complaining about completely typical, expected posts. Yes, of course they're going to share about it excitedly. It's a new event in their life, a milestone, and that's what social media is for. Same for the people who post about their kids.

And this is coming from someone who's never posted on social media about kids or my marriage. I just don't get people who whine about what they've signed up for.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so glib, of course it's an achievement. Kate marrying prince William made her a princess, just to give one example. Marriage confer status of various kinds, both big and small. it took kate 10 years and look at the gain to herself, extended relatives, and children. You can say the same thing about our current first lady. Some of you can be as crass as you want but there's no doubt it is an achievement with a lot of upside for each person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happily married, two kids and lots of "career" friends, formerly snarky about my marrying in mid 20s, who are now settling or infertile. I used to be self conscious around them. No more.

+1

Yes. Interesting how those tables turn, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happily married, two kids and lots of "career" friends, formerly snarky about my marrying in mid 20s, who are now settling or infertile. I used to be self conscious around them. No more.

+1

Yes. Interesting how those tables turn, huh?

I can actually relate to this as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, getting married is no achievement. STAYING married is the real achievement.

+1

This should read STAYING married and HAPPILY.....lots of people, many in my own circle are approaching the 15-20 year mark of marriage, but I will tell you that 90% of them can't stand their spouse and are miserable. They all want a divorce, but won't do it because of the kids. I only know two women that I would say are "happily married" and I look at those two women as achieving something that is worth having. Lots of people can stay married, but I don't think that says much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, getting married is no achievement. STAYING married is the real achievement.

+1

This should read STAYING married and HAPPILY.....lots of people, many in my own circle are approaching the 15-20 year mark of marriage, but I will tell you that 90% of them can't stand their spouse and are miserable. They all want a divorce, but won't do it because of the kids. I only know two women that I would say are "happily married" and I look at those two women as achieving something that is worth having. Lots of people can stay married, but I don't think that says much.

\

I don't know the people in your circle, obviously, but I feel this sounds a little black and white. Staying married even during rough spots is an achievement in my book, in particular if the people involved don't let the marriage devolve into horrible behavior during challenging times. Many marriages can and do have "up" periods (as does life), and I admire the self restraint, reflection and forward thinking that goes into riding out hard times.

Even mediocre marriages provide a measure of stability and structure to many people as well as society on a larger scale. I am not at all suggesting people should suffer through abuse, cheating, etc., but if sometimes you look over at your spouse and say "meh" but stay committed to your marriage, I do admire that.

[Anonymous]

"If you liked it you should've put a ring on it". I think, for a woman, there is a sense that someone wanted to make the ultimate commitment. Not sure if for a guy it has the same cachet, that a woman was willing to forsake all others and accept his proposal of marriage. The fact the guy typically does the asking, as a society we assume guys are just looking for sex and woman want relationships, and these days a guy can have a girlfriend live together, buy a house together and have kids together without being married, all gives this "achievement" factor when he proposes - assuming he is bringing something to the table that infers he had choices.

For a woman, kids are a big factor. There are some woman that decide they don't want kids. I'm not sure we are at the point in society where it is common for woman decide they don't want children (like would get their tube tied if they could) in their 20's. To a certain extent society literally depends on a certain population growth so this will be reinforced everywhere. So given that they want children in a stable relationship it gives men an advantage when she is 28-38. A guy could literally wake up at 50 and decide he wouldn't mind being a parent and boom, could still happen for him. Being a parent is a milestone and becomes part of an identity and for me is something I've always wanted. In my mind, if I never met the right guy, I would have looked into a sperm donor so I could still experience having and raising a child.