Is getting married an achievement?

[Anonymous]

Achievement is a weird word. But it was a big deal to get it knocked out young enough to have the amount of children I want.

The reality is that for women there is a timeline, and if you don't meet the milestones accordingly, you won't be able to do things like have x amount of kids biologically or other things.

So 'achievement' makes it sound like something that is completely in your control or something that you should check off a list. I would describe it more like, a flood of relief that I managed to find someone I loved who loved me at an age that allowed me to have the life I've always envisioned for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Achievement is a weird word. But it was a big deal to get it knocked out young enough to have the amount of children I want.

The reality is that for women there is a timeline, and if you don't meet the milestones accordingly, you won't be able to do things like have x amount of kids biologically or other things.

So 'achievement' makes it sound like something that is completely in your control or something that you should check off a list. I would describe it more like, a flood of relief that I managed to find someone I loved who loved me at an age that allowed me to have the life I've always envisioned for myself.

Good point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, getting married is no achievement. STAYING married is the real achievement.

yeah this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do see it as an achievement. So is staying married. Finding a life partner is a really big deal.

Single people shouldn't feel left out though.

+1 But why *do* they feel left out? I see people achieving things I will never achieve all the time - both because I can't or because I don't want to - and I don't feel left out.

Time to grow up, OP!

[Anonymous]

I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

I think I am the PP you are referring to. I made a point to say it wasn't really an accomplishment, but it was something people want very badly and people who for whatever reason don't manage it could end up being very disappointed and having to reevaluate the vision they have for the rest of their life.

I feel pretty strongly that this is a situation that a lot of great men and women can find themselves in and that a fair amount of this is luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

I think I am the PP you are referring to. I made a point to say it wasn't really an accomplishment, but it was something people want very badly and people who for whatever reason don't manage it could end up being very disappointed and having to reevaluate the vision they have for the rest of their life.

I feel pretty strongly that this is a situation that a lot of great men and women can find themselves in and that a fair amount of this is luck.

I agree with you. I am one of those you speak of. Always wanted 3 kids and a certain kind of life by x age. As you know, there is a very short window of time in which many things must align in order for this to happen.

- You must be ready and KNOW you want marriage early; 21-25
- You must be emotionally mature enough to put your best foot forward and weed out the loser guys from the few good ones
- You must be lucky enough to find a guy who also wants to marry early AND has the financial means to afford it
- You must not have fertility issues

If all this works out you can end up in a good place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

I think I am the PP you are referring to. I made a point to say it wasn't really an accomplishment, but it was something people want very badly and people who for whatever reason don't manage it could end up being very disappointed and having to reevaluate the vision they have for the rest of their life.

I feel pretty strongly that this is a situation that a lot of great men and women can find themselves in and that a fair amount of this is luck.

I agree with you. I am one of those you speak of. Always wanted 3 kids and a certain kind of life by x age. As you know, there is a very short window of time in which many things must align in order for this to happen.

- You must be ready and KNOW you want marriage early; 21-25
- You must be emotionally mature enough to put your best foot forward and weed out the loser guys from the few good ones
- You must be lucky enough to find a guy who also wants to marry early AND has the financial means to afford it
- You must not have fertility issues

If all this works out you can end up in a good place.

NP. I agree. But that doesn't mean that just because people don't manage all of this they are failures (including you).

I feel the OP was implying that calling getting married to the right person at the right time to manage all of the things you want out of marriage an achievement was somehow insulting to others. I don't get this attitude at all. There an infinite number of things a person can "achieve" in life and no one can achieve them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think as one of the PPs said getting married on a proper timeline where you are young enough to have a decent sized family and to a rich enough guy to be able to afford it is an accomplishment.

Getting married at 35 to a mediocre poor guy just to finally pop out a kid is not the same.

I think I am the PP you are referring to. I made a point to say it wasn't really an accomplishment, but it was something people want very badly and people who for whatever reason don't manage it could end up being very disappointed and having to reevaluate the vision they have for the rest of their life.

I feel pretty strongly that this is a situation that a lot of great men and women can find themselves in and that a fair amount of this is luck.

I agree with you. I am one of those you speak of. Always wanted 3 kids and a certain kind of life by x age. As you know, there is a very short window of time in which many things must align in order for this to happen.

- You must be ready and KNOW you want marriage early; 21-25
- You must be emotionally mature enough to put your best foot forward and weed out the loser guys from the few good ones
- You must be lucky enough to find a guy who also wants to marry early AND has the financial means to afford it
- You must not have fertility issues

If all this works out you can end up in a good place.

NP. I agree. But that doesn't mean that just because people don't manage all of this they are failures (including you).

I feel the OP was implying that calling getting married to the right person at the right time to manage all of the things you want out of marriage an achievement was somehow insulting to others. I don't get this attitude at all. There an infinite number of things a person can "achieve" in life and no one can achieve them all.

I mostly feel stupid because I always wanted marriage and kids but when I should have been seriously zeroing in on certain kind of guys that I am NOW good at identifying, I was not then! I WASTED my twenties on wrong guys who wouldn't or couldn't give me what I wanted.

[Anonymous]

I think some people see it that way. Given some of the losers I've met who are married, I don't think it is.

That said, I do think "having a good marriage" is an achievement. I think it says something about a person when they can stick by a person through thick and thin, raise kids with that person (or not) and have them want to stick by you. I can respect that. (and feel the same way about people who manage to maintain good friendships over the years, or good relationships with family - also achievements.)

[Anonymous]

12:04 - as a single woman, I appreciate your post. Because no matter how much you put your mind to it, you can't always find the one. No matter how much you "aren't trying, and you find him when you're not looking", you don't always meet someone great. Even if you "put yourself out there", you're dependent on what's out there, which is beyond your control.

Yes, some people absolutely put up roadblocks to love and marriage. They self-sabotage. They make their pools of potentials too small to find someone. They leave too many stones unturned. But some of my friends have spent YEARS looking for a good guy and haven't found one. They are attractive, smart women with decent personalities and they can't match with anyone long-term.

Also, 12:14, not sure where you're getting your made-up statistic but the true # is smaller.

[Anonymous]

As I am single and childless, I feel like a failure. It's a shame that marriage and kids are seen as the only ways in which to be a success in life. Even when you hear of successful career women you often hear 'But marriage and kids eluded her. ' It's sad and ridiculous if you think about it

[Anonymous]

Considering all the losers that marry each other, no it's definitely not an achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think getting engaged and married is an achievement, but staying married? is.

Amen. Check your ego at the door.

[Anonymous]

Facebook and the like are obnoxious. Way too much is being shared. I don't give a damn if someone I know likes something. I only follow family members and only what they post and not what they like.