Is a push/grab worth leaving fiance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nether of you is at your best, but only one of you resorted to physical violence. He is in the "regret and charm" cycle of domestic violence now, but he won't stay there forever.

Please make serious, long term plans to leave, including consulting with a lawyer about your rights.

OR they are both stressed out and exhausted due to having an infant, and he is actually regretful. I still recommend going to counseling and insisting on anger management work for him. If he's not willing to do those things, then yes, leave.

+1. People. Relax.

+2

[Anonymous]

I find it disconcerting the number of "adult" women who come on this site presumably educated and functioning in a career and cannot decide for themselves if their relationships are dysfunctional and if they should leave or stay. Presumably a mature adult woman does not need a consensus from strangers on how to act or what constitutes acceptable or unacceptable behavior in a relationship. What is wrong with people today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it disconcerting the number of "adult" women who come on this site presumably educated and functioning in a career and cannot decide for themselves if their relationships are dysfunctional and if they should leave or stay. Presumably a mature adult woman does not need a consensus from strangers on how to act or what constitutes acceptable or unacceptable behavior in a relationship. What is wrong with people today?

Oh shut up

[Anonymous]

Here's what I tell my 4th grade class: no matter who started it, once you use your hands you're wrong.

There's never an excuse to get physical (self defense means the other person was getting physical first).

Get to counseling or you'll be back here in a month saying it escalated more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you should leave him alone when he's stressed.

There's some merit to this. He shouldn't act out like he did, but you need to recognize when he's overwhelmed.

Parenting 101. You're going to be overwhelmed for the first 3 years. Adults need to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

+1

This is bullsh*t. When my spouse is stressed, I do leave him alone. But it's not because he might grab me and push me!!! People get stressed ALL THE TIME. They don't response by grabbing people.

Please tell me if someone did this to you at work, you'd be okay with it?
"BUT he was stressed, and you didn't recognize that he was overwhelmed."
So again, are you okay with someone grabbing and shoving you at work, even though he's stressed??

I'll wait for your response PPs.

You know he's an abuser because he's also chosen you as an acceptable target of abuse. If he comes to work sleep deprived and stressed, does he have the ability to restrain himself from throwing things at the office? grabbing his boss and shoving him/her? If he can restrain himself from abusing others, then he's choosing to abuse you. That's why you don't make excuses for him, because he does have the capacity to control his actions. He just chooses not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it disconcerting the number of "adult" women who come on this site presumably educated and functioning in a career and cannot decide for themselves if their relationships are dysfunctional and if they should leave or stay. Presumably a mature adult woman does not need a consensus from strangers on how to act or what constitutes acceptable or unacceptable behavior in a relationship. What is wrong with people today?

Maybe every adult isn't as emotionally mature as they appear. Maturity doesn't just switch on at your 18th or 21st birthday. Some people never get there.

Your comment comes across as patronizing and ignorant on the issue of DV. You've been fortunate if you've been raised in a household where you've never experienced domestic abuse. If you've grown up with it, the tendency is to think it's normal.
http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/03/18/392860281/alarming-number-of-women-think-spousal-abuse-is-sometimes-ok

[Anonymous]

These are the beginning stages. I would tell him it better stop unless he wants to go to anger management and go to probation for a year. You need to let him know there will be consequence especially since there is a child seeing all this.

[Anonymous]

My ex-W used to verbally and emotionally push me endlessly. I have a super long fuse and almost never lose my temper. But she would keep on and on and on. I never put hands on her in anger, but at some point, we all have our limit. I think it was her intention to push me past that limit. It was weird and ultimately ended our marriage.

Throw in a stress, tired, etc...You can all blame the husband and say he's an abuser, but you have no idea what leads to these events. I can almost 100% guarantee she could be labelled an emotional abuser if he was the one telling the story.

And if this situation is even in the same universe as mine, he is probably baffled and confused by her anger, and she might not give him the room to physically withdraw from the situation.

There are always always two sides to these stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-W used to verbally and emotionally push me endlessly. I have a super long fuse and almost never lose my temper. But she would keep on and on and on. I never put hands on her in anger, but at some point, we all have our limit. I think it was her intention to push me past that limit. It was weird and ultimately ended our marriage.

Throw in a stress, tired, etc...You can all blame the husband and say he's an abuser, but you have no idea what leads to these events. I can almost 100% guarantee she could be labelled an emotional abuser if he was the one telling the story.

And if this situation is even in the same universe as mine, he is probably baffled and confused by her anger, and she might not give him the room to physically withdraw from the situation.

There are always always two sides to these stories.

That may be, but as a man you should know to NEVER put your hands on a woman in anger. You are responsible for how you choose to act/react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our baby is 3 months old. We were arguing about who got to sleep in this morning. I sleep less most nights since he has a job that has a lot of labor. I am so fed up arguing about it. I started to raise my voice at him, and he was holding baby. He suddenly grabbed my arm and pushed me back towards the bedroom. Not enough that I fell, but he grabbed my arm hard enough that it stung for a minute afterwards. He has put a hole in the wall before when he was mad about somebody else, and has also thrown objects (but not at me). Both of those things happened while I was pregnant. I was reading that the other incidents are "stage 1" of domestic violence and the grabbing/push was "stage 2". He said he was sorry pretty soon afterwards and told me he didnt mean to grab so hard, that he wanted me to calm down since we were in front of the baby. I told him I didn't want to talk to him and I've been ignoring him since, though he keeps coming over trying to talk to me. Does this go way over the line of what most couples experience the first year? Or should I give him a break?

What would you say the line is? How much more would he have to do before you felt like it was "worth" leaving him? I would not be able to trust someone who lost control of themselves like that. Maybe you are responsible for raising your voice, and if he felt uncomfortable and chose to leave because of that, or if you choose to work on that, then those are choices you can individually make. You can not decide for him whether he will hurt you/ attack you again. Never make excuses for someone doing something that literally makes you feel unsafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-W used to verbally and emotionally push me endlessly. I have a super long fuse and almost never lose my temper. But she would keep on and on and on. I never put hands on her in anger, but at some point, we all have our limit. I think it was her intention to push me past that limit. It was weird and ultimately ended our marriage.

Throw in a stress, tired, etc...You can all blame the husband and say he's an abuser, but you have no idea what leads to these events. I can almost 100% guarantee she could be labelled an emotional abuser if he was the one telling the story.

And if this situation is even in the same universe as mine, he is probably baffled and confused by her anger, and she might not give him the room to physically withdraw from the situation.

There are always always two sides to these stories.

That may be, but as a man you should know to NEVER put your hands on a woman in anger. You are responsible for how you choose to act/react.

And a woman should never lay hands on a man in anger. That is abuse. Gender is irrelevant. --a woman

[Anonymous]

He belongs in jail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-W used to verbally and emotionally push me endlessly. I have a super long fuse and almost never lose my temper. But she would keep on and on and on. I never put hands on her in anger, but at some point, we all have our limit. I think it was her intention to push me past that limit. It was weird and ultimately ended our marriage.

Throw in a stress, tired, etc...You can all blame the husband and say he's an abuser, but you have no idea what leads to these events. I can almost 100% guarantee she could be labelled an emotional abuser if he was the one telling the story.

And if this situation is even in the same universe as mine, he is probably baffled and confused by her anger, and she might not give him the room to physically withdraw from the situation.

There are always always two sides to these stories.

That may be, but as a man you should know to NEVER put your hands on a woman in anger. You are responsible for how you choose to act/react.

And a woman should never lay hands on a man in anger. That is abuse. Gender is irrelevant. --a woman

Nowhere in the OP does it say the woman put her hands on the man. It says the man felt emotionally abused and he implies he responded physically. (Not putting hands on woman in anger vs in response to yelling).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex-W used to verbally and emotionally push me endlessly. I have a super long fuse and almost never lose my temper. But she would keep on and on and on. I never put hands on her in anger, but at some point, we all have our limit. I think it was her intention to push me past that limit. It was weird and ultimately ended our marriage.

Throw in a stress, tired, etc...You can all blame the husband and say he's an abuser, but you have no idea what leads to these events. I can almost 100% guarantee she could be labelled an emotional abuser if he was the one telling the story.

And if this situation is even in the same universe as mine, he is probably baffled and confused by her anger, and she might not give him the room to physically withdraw from the situation.

There are always always two sides to these stories.

That may be, but as a man you should know to NEVER put your hands on a woman in anger. You are responsible for how you choose to act/react.

Exactly, there's no two sides to that. It's very clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He belongs in jail.

No. No, he does not. Get a grip.