Is a push/grab worth leaving fiance?
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Anonymous
| Our baby is 3 months old. We were arguing about who got to sleep in this morning. I sleep less most nights since he has a job that has a lot of labor. I am so fed up arguing about it. I started to raise my voice at him, and he was holding baby. He suddenly grabbed my arm and pushed me back towards the bedroom. Not enough that I fell, but he grabbed my arm hard enough that it stung for a minute afterwards. He has put a hole in the wall before when he was mad about somebody else, and has also thrown objects (but not at me). Both of those things happened while I was pregnant. I was reading that the other incidents are "stage 1" of domestic violence and the grabbing/push was "stage 2". He said he was sorry pretty soon afterwards and told me he didnt mean to grab so hard, that he wanted me to calm down since we were in front of the baby. I told him I didn't want to talk to him and I've been ignoring him since, though he keeps coming over trying to talk to me. Does this go way over the line of what most couples experience the first year? Or should I give him a break? |
Anonymous
| I would be most concerned that he got physical with you while holding the baby. Yes, I would think that is over the line of normal. Maybe get some counseling? |
Anonymous
|
I am sorry you had to go through this, it must be so tough with a new baby and sleep deprivation. However there is absolutely no excuse for violence.
You must recognize that you too, are at fault for raising your voice, and I am not sure what words you used but abuse can come in many different ways (emotional too for instance). I would suggest seeing a counsellor but personally I would leave. |
Anonymous
|
Over the line.
He doesn't get a break for this level of behavior. He needs therapy. |
Anonymous
|
You need to make a plan and leave him, sooner than later.
If you don't, someday you will be telling a tale that starts with, "I should have listened to my gut the first time he pushed me..." You. Have. A. Child. |
Anonymous
| I'd leave. His violence is escalating. |
Anonymous
| Eh. |
Anonymous
| My husband shoved me while I was holding our baby. I should have left that morning. |
Anonymous
|
Leave. This isn't about just you but the baby too
Now. |
Anonymous
| Leave. It will get worse. It doesn't matter if he's sorry or didn't mean to grab you so hard. That just means he can't control over his anger. |
Anonymous
| you should leave him alone when he's stressed. |
Anonymous
There's some merit to this. He shouldn't act out like he did, but you need to recognize when he's overwhelmed. |
Anonymous
| It will get worse. The fact that he is excusing his behavior suggests that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. I would leave. While the baby is young. I'm sorry. My marriage went to stage 3 after a newborn and I left when she was 1. |
Anonymous
Parenting 101. You're going to be overwhelmed for the first 3 years. Adults need to learn healthy coping mechanisms. |
Anonymous
|
You say that he has been trying to approach you since the incident and that you have not been receptive. I think it's important to recognize the difference between someone who reacts badly from a place of anger and stress who regrets that reaction and someone who takes their frustration out on you without regret. Obviously, abusers can demonstrate regret, but in the incident you describe, you are both exhausted from sleep deprivation, were having a disagreement about that, you raised your voice, he pushed/grabbed you in response, and now that he's trying to talk to you, you're ignoring him.
It doesn't sound like either one of you is in a great place right now. Any chance you can try to get some rest and hit a reset button and have a conversation about how to manage high emotions at a time when emotions aren't running high? I don't know that leaving is the answer at this point, but I do think it's time for a conversation about stress management. |