Is a push/grab worth leaving fiance?

[Anonymous]

I've been a sleep-deprived new mom with a sleep-deprived new dad. Nothing excuses this behavior. This is totally out of line. My husband and I both work and do night wakings. We signed up for this. The worst we got was some sniping and bickering and leaving the room to cool off. Anyone who tells you this is normal is an abuser or an abuse victim.

[Anonymous]

What is labor? If he uneducated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry you had to go through this, it must be so tough with a new baby and sleep deprivation. However there is absolutely no excuse for violence.

You must recognize that you too, are at fault for raising your voice, and I am not sure what words you used but abuse can come in many different ways (emotional too for instance).

I would suggest seeing a counsellor but personally I would leave.

He want just arguing with himself.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have family in the area?
Do you work?
Would you have somewhere to go?
Would you be able to support yourself and the baby?
Would you be able to get a place on your own (ie; financing, credit check)?

I agree with everyone else who says that his aggression will probably only increase as stress in the relationship increases, however you need to have a plan in place before you just "leave him".

It's easy for others to say leave him now, but if you're going to be homeless with your baby, are they going to take you in?

You sound very young, OP. Please make a plan of what you'll do if you do leave, dont just walk out of the door with no place to go. If you haven't done it yet, start saving a secret nest egg for yourself & the baby & start going to counseling with him. If he refuses, then you'll have to figure out the answers to the questions I posted above really quickly, because that means he's not willing to change.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Counseling.

He needs to learn how to handle his stress.

I think leaving is extreme in this case, but if doesn't admit he has an anger/coping problem, THEN you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

You will leave now or after you have a broken nose. I speak from experience. Your choice.You need to stand up for yourself and your baby. I know it's hard to hear but doing it now will be easier than doing it later. Listen to the friends and family who are trying to help you. It may feel like they are judging you for staying and like they don't understand, and that may all be true, but it does not matter. What matters is your and your child's physical and emotional well being and someone who shoved you or grabbed you in a way that hurt for MINUTES afterwards is someone you cannot trust. Please get out as soon as you can. Make a plan, make sure to leave to safety, and don't look back. You can get a happy life back in a few years, but not with this man.

[Anonymous]

I would not leave but I would make it clear to him in no uncertain terms that I will leave if he touches me in anger again.

Start figuring out what leaving would look like for you, in terms of where to go and what $ could bring.

Maybe he just made a mistake, albeit a big one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have family in the area?
Do you work?
Would you have somewhere to go?
Would you be able to support yourself and the baby?
Would you be able to get a place on your own (ie; financing, credit check)?

I agree with everyone else who says that his aggression will probably only increase as stress in the relationship increases, however you need to have a plan in place before you just "leave him".

It's easy for others to say leave him now, but if you're going to be homeless with your baby, are they going to take you in?

You sound very young, OP. Please make a plan of what you'll do if you do leave, dont just walk out of the door with no place to go. If you haven't done it yet, start saving a secret nest egg for yourself & the baby & start going to counseling with him. If he refuses, then you'll have to figure out the answers to the questions I posted above really quickly, because that means he's not willing to change.

Good luck to you.

This is great advice OP.
Figure out what life would look like to you if you HAD to leave today, as it's a very sobering picture.

* Where would you go?
* Are you working yourself?
* Could you afford chill time child care for your baby while you're at work?
* Could you provide for yourself & baby from now on?
* Could you manage to secure a place on your own validity with no help from him?

[Anonymous]

^^^ *Full time child care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nether of you is at your best, but only one of you resorted to physical violence. He is in the "regret and charm" cycle of domestic violence now, but he won't stay there forever.

Please make serious, long term plans to leave, including consulting with a lawyer about your rights.

OR they are both stressed out and exhausted due to having an infant, and he is actually regretful. I still recommend going to counseling and insisting on anger management work for him. If he's not willing to do those things, then yes, leave.

+1. People. Relax.

[Anonymous]

OP, go to the website of The National Domestic Violence Hotline. They have lots of helpful information there, including how to come up with a safety plan:
http://www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Hotline-safetyplan.pdf

Don't hesitate to chat online or call and speak to them for advice on your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have family in the area?
Do you work?
Would you have somewhere to go?
Would you be able to support yourself and the baby?
Would you be able to get a place on your own (ie; financing, credit check)?

I agree with everyone else who says that his aggression will probably only increase as stress in the relationship increases, however you need to have a plan in place before you just "leave him".

It's easy for others to say leave him now, but if you're going to be homeless with your baby, are they going to take you in?

You sound very young, OP. Please make a plan of what you'll do if you do leave, dont just walk out of the door with no place to go. If you haven't done it yet, start saving a secret nest egg for yourself & the baby & start going to counseling with him. If he refuses, then you'll have to figure out the answers to the questions I posted above really quickly, because that means he's not willing to change.

Good luck to you.

This is great advice OP.
Figure out what life would look like to you if you HAD to leave today, as it's a very sobering picture.

* Where would you go?
* Are you working yourself?
* Could you afford chill time child care for your baby while you're at work?
* Could you provide for yourself & baby from now on?
* Could you manage to secure a place on your own validity with no help from him?

+100

[Anonymous]

If I was holding my baby and someone started yelling at me I would turn my back/walk away to protect the baby from getting upset. If they tried to physically stop me I might shrug or push them off us. Did he try to get away from you and you tried to stop him? That might be understandable. Otherwise It's strange to me that someone holding a baby would reach out and push someone because it would risk destabilizing both of you and baby gets hurt, in no way is he protecting the baby at all. If the later is closer to what you are describing I would see that as a watershed moment and decide we needed to live apart at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is labor? If he uneducated?

Wtf? How is his education level at all relevant?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's worth leaving! From what you've written, your fiancé has real issues controlling his anger. Things don't get better in a marriage, they get WORSE. You are both lucky that you didn't get hurt with that push. If he was trying to calm you down, he could've just as easily taken a deep breath and used words to ask you to, or walked away, but he didn't. DV is not always linear in progression, so stop worrying about what stage this is in. Next time, it can be zero to catastrophic, not zero to two or three.

http://www.drphil.com/advice/dr-phils-message-to-anyone-who-feels-stuck-in-an-abusive-relationship-violence-is-not-an-option/