"Sorry, no siblings please."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP. The party is at her house. No additional cost and about 4 people are coming so far. She likes for the moms to hang out during the party. She is a single mom so usually the dads don't come. We are family friends-not school friends. My younger daughter feels quite excluded for that reason. Like I said, my girls have separate friends and I do the arrange another play date thing with all of those people regularly. This feels like a personal dig to her. As for whether the birthday girl doesn't want to invite her: 1) my younger daughter is just about the most likeable kid on earth and I know they get along; and 2) in a similar situation I would include the younger child if I were the mom and tell my birthday child that was the right thing to do because we are family friends. That is one of the reasons my kids are thoughtful and kind-they are not encouraged to exclude whomever nor do I do the same in situations like this. That's also why my older daughter feels ambivalent about going-she doesn't want to exclude her sister. That thought would never occur to her for a classmate's party.

OP here. One of our guests is the son of my good friend. He is the middle child. I have always included her other two children for the past 6 years. This is the first time I am requesting no siblings. She totally understands and is not offended in the least. I am hanging out with her this weekend without kids. Next weekend, we are hanging out with all the kids. During winter break, the entire family got together including dads. I really don't think she thinks I am trying to exclude her other children who are very close to my children.

I think you are odd to take such offense to a birthday party.

I'm sure you're not trying to exclude them and you are not acting as though you are. This friend's behavior has been truly bizarre in this regard for a couple of years towards multiple people, and this just kind of feels like the last straw. She tends to loudly exclude kids and adults in a kind of pathetic way. Hoping she would rise above her nature, I asked her as a favor to please include both in this small neighborhood house party (incidentally after I had done an enormous favor for her and the child). Apparently the excluding was just too important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP. The party is at her house. No additional cost and about 4 people are coming so far. She likes for the moms to hang out during the party. She is a single mom so usually the dads don't come. We are family friends-not school friends. My younger daughter feels quite excluded for that reason. Like I said, my girls have separate friends and I do the arrange another play date thing with all of those people regularly. This feels like a personal dig to her. As for whether the birthday girl doesn't want to invite her: 1) my younger daughter is just about the most likeable kid on earth and I know they get along; and 2) in a similar situation I would include the younger child if I were the mom and tell my birthday child that was the right thing to do because we are family friends. That is one of the reasons my kids are thoughtful and kind-they are not encouraged to exclude whomever nor do I do the same in situations like this. That's also why my older daughter feels ambivalent about going-she doesn't want to exclude her sister. That thought would never occur to her for a classmate's party.

OP here. One of our guests is the son of my good friend. He is the middle child. I have always included her other two children for the past 6 years. This is the first time I am requesting no siblings. She totally understands and is not offended in the least. I am hanging out with her this weekend without kids. Next weekend, we are hanging out with all the kids. During winter break, the entire family got together including dads. I really don't think she thinks I am trying to exclude her other children who are very close to my children.

I think you are odd to take such offense to a birthday party.

I'm sure you're not trying to exclude them and you are not acting as though you are. This friend's behavior has been truly bizarre in this regard for a couple of years towards multiple people, and this just kind of feels like the last straw. She tends to loudly exclude kids and adults in a kind of pathetic way. Hoping she would rise above her nature, I asked her as a favor to please include both in this small neighborhood house party (incidentally after I had done an enormous favor for her and the child). Apparently the excluding was just too important.

How old are your girls?

If you already asked and she already said no, then just don't go. I don't think you should think your daughters are always a package deal. Twin parents don't even think that way.

My best friend and her sister are 11 months apart. They had completely different friends growing up.

[Anonymous]

They are not always a package deal. Their school friends are separate for the most part. I never treat them as a package deal for invites. This is a neighbor/family friend. One daughter happens to be in the same grade as the birthday girl. They do not go to school together. The mom is my friend and would like me to stay and hang out during the party. This is not a drop off ice skating party I'm trying to get another kid invited to. It is an at-home party with neighbors, grandma and moms and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's fine to do this. But, I am having an issue with a friend who typically invites my older child to things and excludes the younger one who is exactly one year younger. We used to be neighbors and I am close with the mom. My younger daughter thinks of herself as friends with the neighbor, even though she is in the grade below the neighbor and my older daughter. My girls have recently switched schools, so now no one is in the same class. She called to ask about dates for her daughter'a upcoming party yesterday and I said I vaguely recalled that one of the girls might have another party. I checked my email after the call and realized I was imagining things, so I texted and said they are both free and I would greatly appreciate your including my younger daughter. She wants the moms to hang out during the party. I never heard back from her, and I think she's probably miffed. She has been strangely exclusive in the past and I have tried to explain that it causes a lot of problems (younger daughter upset, logistical issues for me). Literally my girls are one year (12 months) apart in age-this is not a toddler I'm pushing on her, and she has played over at their house countless times. Anyway, if she doesn't invite the younger daughter, obviously I won't be able to hang out (I'm not leaving her home with DH to go with one kid and exclude her). To make a long story short, I am hoping this doesn't cause drama, but I'm also now wishing I had not mentioned it. This is a very close friend and it's a party at her house that a bunch of kids will be coming to. Now I guess I will just see how it plays out.

You are completely and unequivocally in the wrong here.

Your sibling issues are not her problem.

[Anonymous]

The girls are 8 and 9

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ she invited ME, too and she is a family friend. So, she would like me to find a sitter or ask my husband to watch the (upset) child while I take the older daughter. We have all spent hours together and the younger child is 12 months younger. I have a hard time believing the daughter is behind it. It is so bizarre.

Now my older daughter doesn't really want to go because she feels like it is exclusive and rude.

OMG, you are so up your own butt that you can't see how rude you are! The mom is inviting her daughter's friend (your DD, same age) to the party. She'd like for you to drop in and chat too. It isn't a full family event. Like a normal person she assumes your DH and your younger daughter will occupy themselves while you are gone. Why are you forcing your younger DD on this woman and her daughter who clearly is only inviting her friends to the party.

+1

My jaw dropped here. PP, why on earth to you think your younger DD has to be included?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not always a package deal. Their school friends are separate for the most part. I never treat them as a package deal for invites. This is a neighbor/family friend. One daughter happens to be in the same grade as the birthday girl. They do not go to school together. The mom is my friend and would like me to stay and hang out during the party. This is not a drop off ice skating party I'm trying to get another kid invited to. It is an at-home party with neighbors, grandma and moms and kids.

You do not get to dictate how others plan their parties. You get zero say over the guest list. Asserting your "rights" to the guest list is rude. And you are teaching your daughters to be rude.

Several people have said the same thing and you continue to insist you are right. If you are the only one in a crowd with that view, you need to reconsider it.

[Anonymous]

They are family friends. This is a pin the tail on the donkey party with neighbors. The younger child has spent countless hours over there and we are all friends. They do not go to school together. It's only moms because the hostess is a single mom. Otherwise dads would probably come, but the vibe over there is not that dad friendly. It's not laser tag. It's someone's house she is normally invited to and now she's being left out. My husband, who is very very low drama, is more annoyed than I am about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are family friends. This is a pin the tail on the donkey party with neighbors. The younger child has spent countless hours over there and we are all friends. They do not go to school together. It's only moms because the hostess is a single mom. Otherwise dads would probably come, but the vibe over there is not that dad friendly. It's not laser tag. It's someone's house she is normally invited to and now she's being left out. My husband, who is very very low drama, is more annoyed than I am about this.

None of this matters.

She is not invited and that is the family's prerogative.

You are being rude in trying to tell them how to do their (*their*) social event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are not always a package deal. Their school friends are separate for the most part. I never treat them as a package deal for invites. This is a neighbor/family friend. One daughter happens to be in the same grade as the birthday girl. They do not go to school together. The mom is my friend and would like me to stay and hang out during the party. This is not a drop off ice skating party I'm trying to get another kid invited to. It is an at-home party with neighbors, grandma and moms and kids.

You do not get to dictate how others plan their parties. You get zero say over the guest list. Asserting your "rights" to the guest list is rude. And you are teaching your daughters to be rude.

Several people have said the same thing and you continue to insist you are right. If you are the only one in a crowd with that view, you need to reconsider it.

You're right. It's her party. The older child will go. But I can still think the mom is rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's fine to do this. But, I am having an issue with a friend who typically invites my older child to things and excludes the younger one who is exactly one year younger. We used to be neighbors and I am close with the mom. My younger daughter thinks of herself as friends with the neighbor, even though she is in the grade below the neighbor and my older daughter. My girls have recently switched schools, so now no one is in the same class. She called to ask about dates for her daughter'a upcoming party yesterday and I said I vaguely recalled that one of the girls might have another party. I checked my email after the call and realized I was imagining things, so I texted and said they are both free and I would greatly appreciate your including my younger daughter. She wants the moms to hang out during the party. I never heard back from her, and I think she's probably miffed. She has been strangely exclusive in the past and I have tried to explain that it causes a lot of problems (younger daughter upset, logistical issues for me). Literally my girls are one year (12 months) apart in age-this is not a toddler I'm pushing on her, and she has played over at their house countless times. Anyway, if she doesn't invite the younger daughter, obviously I won't be able to hang out (I'm not leaving her home with DH to go with one kid and exclude her). To make a long story short, I am hoping this doesn't cause drama, but I'm also now wishing I had not mentioned it. This is a very close friend and it's a party at her house that a bunch of kids will be coming to. Now I guess I will just see how it plays out.

You should know that you are the one being rude here. We have lots of family friends that we hang out, whole family, but when it comes to a playdate or party, the child who is the close friend gets invited, my kids dont need to go togehter. Maybe you have a skewed view because your kids are so close in age but this is not normal at all. Even for twins i know. And seriously how is one child staying home rearranging your whole day????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are family friends. This is a pin the tail on the donkey party with neighbors. The younger child has spent countless hours over there and we are all friends. They do not go to school together. It's only moms because the hostess is a single mom. Otherwise dads would probably come, but the vibe over there is not that dad friendly. It's not laser tag. It's someone's house she is normally invited to and now she's being left out. My husband, who is very very low drama, is more annoyed than I am about this.

None of this matters.

She is not invited and that is the family's prerogative.

You are being rude in trying to tell them how to do their (*their*) social event.

Yeah, I guess. I thought we were closer friends than I think we are. I had just finished helping her get into a therapist I know for her daughter and we had been dealing with some fairly personal issues. It felt natural to just say both girls are free (she had called to ask about the date-like we are close enough that she wouldn't hold the party when we weren't available) and if you would invite them both, i would hang out during and bring some adult drinks. Oh well. I suppose I am the rude one. I will be with my younger child now instead of us all going. We all used to hang out there a lot until we moved one neighborhood away. I can't imagine paying a sitter or asking my husband to reschedule plans so we will play by the rules and just drop off the older one.

[Anonymous]

One child staying home means I will not be going to the party (we are family friends and they invited the older child and ME)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One child staying home means I will not be going to the party (we are family friends and they invited the older child and ME)

That is your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having a party for my 8yo son. Plan to invite 10 boys. We are having a gem mining party with stations. Everyone on our guest list has siblings. Several have attended our parties in the past and I have been lax with siblings. Some of the kids have 3 siblings. I want to be clear no siblings are welcome and parents are welcome to drop off. Party will be at our house but I don't want complete chaos with the activity. I don't really mind if parents bring siblings at pick up and siblings have cake and food. I don't want to write that anywhere though.

Does this sound ok?

Sorry, no siblings please. Parents are welcome to drop off.

Getting back to OPs question -- i think you should allude to the additional cost, people wont assume for a house party that there is a limit unless you say it.

Please drop off at 1:00. Kids will be doing a gem mining activity lead by XX company. Unfortunately we cant accomodate siblings. Pick up at 3:00.