"Sorry, no siblings please."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women say sorry too often. Makes them doormats. Could you see a man writing sorry on this invite?

You're an idiot.

You can't handle the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's fine to do this. But, I am having an issue with a friend who typically invites my older child to things and excludes the younger one who is exactly one year younger. We used to be neighbors and I am close with the mom. My younger daughter thinks of herself as friends with the neighbor, even though she is in the grade below the neighbor and my older daughter. My girls have recently switched schools, so now no one is in the same class. She called to ask about dates for her daughter'a upcoming party yesterday and I said I vaguely recalled that one of the girls might have another party. I checked my email after the call and realized I was imagining things, so I texted and said they are both free and I would greatly appreciate your including my younger daughter. She wants the moms to hang out during the party. I never heard back from her, and I think she's probably miffed. She has been strangely exclusive in the past and I have tried to explain that it causes a lot of problems (younger daughter upset, logistical issues for me). Literally my girls are one year (12 months) apart in age-this is not a toddler I'm pushing on her, and she has played over at their house countless times. Anyway, if she doesn't invite the younger daughter, obviously I won't be able to hang out (I'm not leaving her home with DH to go with one kid and exclude her). To make a long story short, I am hoping this doesn't cause drama, but I'm also now wishing I had not mentioned it. This is a very close friend and it's a party at her house that a bunch of kids will be coming to. Now I guess I will just see how it plays out.

So you'd rather risk blowing up your friendship with the mom and your oldest DDs friendship with the kid just to avoid letting your youngest DD spend quality time with her dad? Why can't they have a fun daddy-daughter day while you and older DD do your thing?

You're being incredibly rude and dramatic. You need to stop pushing younger DD off on older DDs friends when she isn't invited. It doesn't matter what the age difference is. I'm sure older DD would enjoy play dates and parties with her friends without younger DD tagging along. Do you insist older DD go to younger dd's friends' parties and play dates?

We have many friends who are separate. This is a family friend. Obviously if it's a big deal the younger one won't go. There won't be tantrums-she is 8. She doesn't need quality time with dad. He works from home and spends a lot of time with her. We aren't planning to arrange the entire family's day around a 10 year old's party just because they would prefer to exclude one kid. The mom has done this to another of our close circle of friend's younger sisters. She repeatedly asks the ikder one to come play in front of the younger one and causes hurt feelings and drama there. That mom has tried to address it too. At one point, birthday mom tried to start an exclusive three person club for her daughter, my daughter and one other child. She wanted them to make patches for their jackets with only their initials and have meetings. I told her a neighborhood club would be ok but we weren't going to be part of something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you just write "sorry no siblings" it sounds rude and exclusionary.

If you word it slightly more gently, like "I'm sorry we're unable to accommodate siblings this year due to a maximum head-count on activities"

Or, "We normally love it when siblings attend, but this year its not possible, sorry!"

No need to tiptoe around it. Just be direct, like a man would.

This is a second grader's party, not a 3 year old's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just write "sorry no siblings" it sounds rude and exclusionary.

If you word it slightly more gently, like "I'm sorry we're unable to accommodate siblings this year due to a maximum head-count on activities"

Or, "We normally love it when siblings attend, but this year its not possible, sorry!"

No need to tiptoe around it. Just be direct, like a man would.

This is a second grader's party, not a 3 year old's.

I can't imagine my DH ever telling someone they couldn't bring a kid to a party. He would think that was ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just write "sorry no siblings" it sounds rude and exclusionary.

If you word it slightly more gently, like "I'm sorry we're unable to accommodate siblings this year due to a maximum head-count on activities"

Or, "We normally love it when siblings attend, but this year its not possible, sorry!"

No need to tiptoe around it. Just be direct, like a man would.

This is a second grader's party, not a 3 year old's.

I can't imagine my DH ever telling someone they couldn't bring a kid to a party. He would think that was ridiculous.

Don't even bother, we know this is a troll.

Those "man" comments are funny troll, is that supposed to get us all riled up or something? Hurt our feelings?
Nothing better to do than troll a parenting website, huh? Truly pathetic.
Go show your kids some attention, it will be something new to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just write "sorry no siblings" it sounds rude and exclusionary.

If you word it slightly more gently, like "I'm sorry we're unable to accommodate siblings this year due to a maximum head-count on activities"

Or, "We normally love it when siblings attend, but this year its not possible, sorry!"

No need to tiptoe around it. Just be direct, like a man would.

This is a second grader's party, not a 3 year old's.

I can't imagine my DH ever telling someone they couldn't bring a kid to a party. He would think that was ridiculous.

Don't even bother, we know this is a troll.

Those "man" comments are funny troll, is that supposed to get us all riled up or something? Hurt our feelings?
Nothing better to do than troll a parenting website, huh? Truly pathetic.
Go show your kids some attention, it will be something new to them.

Guess what? I'm one of the posters who thinks a man would never grovel around this issue and say sorry...but I'm not the other poster who thinks so!! OMG, more than one person disagrees with you?? And all of those with opposing views are trolls?? And bad parents???

You are a world class jerk. Not sorry to say so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just write "sorry no siblings" it sounds rude and exclusionary.

If you word it slightly more gently, like "I'm sorry we're unable to accommodate siblings this year due to a maximum head-count on activities"

Or, "We normally love it when siblings attend, but this year its not possible, sorry!"

No need to tiptoe around it. Just be direct, like a man would.

This is a second grader's party, not a 3 year old's.

I can't imagine my DH ever telling someone they couldn't bring a kid to a party. He would think that was ridiculous.

Don't even bother, we know this is a troll.

Those "man" comments are funny troll, is that supposed to get us all riled up or something? Hurt our feelings?
Nothing better to do than troll a parenting website, huh? Truly pathetic.
Go show your kids some attention, it will be something new to them.

Guess what? I'm one of the posters who thinks a man would never grovel around this issue and say sorry...but I'm not the other poster who thinks so!! OMG, more than one person disagrees with you?? And all of those with opposing views are trolls?? And bad parents???

You are a world class jerk. Not sorry to say so!

The Elementary School Aged Kids forum used to be for being nice. Go to off-topic or general parenting to be an asshole. This forum used to be helpful. What a shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's fine to do this. But, I am having an issue with a friend who typically invites my older child to things and excludes the younger one who is exactly one year younger. We used to be neighbors and I am close with the mom. My younger daughter thinks of herself as friends with the neighbor, even though she is in the grade below the neighbor and my older daughter. My girls have recently switched schools, so now no one is in the same class. She called to ask about dates for her daughter'a upcoming party yesterday and I said I vaguely recalled that one of the girls might have another party. I checked my email after the call and realized I was imagining things, so I texted and said they are both free and I would greatly appreciate your including my younger daughter. She wants the moms to hang out during the party. I never heard back from her, and I think she's probably miffed. She has been strangely exclusive in the past and I have tried to explain that it causes a lot of problems (younger daughter upset, logistical issues for me). Literally my girls are one year (12 months) apart in age-this is not a toddler I'm pushing on her, and she has played over at their house countless times. Anyway, if she doesn't invite the younger daughter, obviously I won't be able to hang out (I'm not leaving her home with DH to go with one kid and exclude her). To make a long story short, I am hoping this doesn't cause drama, but I'm also now wishing I had not mentioned it. This is a very close friend and it's a party at her house that a bunch of kids will be coming to. Now I guess I will just see how it plays out.

So you'd rather risk blowing up your friendship with the mom and your oldest DDs friendship with the kid just to avoid letting your youngest DD spend quality time with her dad? Why can't they have a fun daddy-daughter day while you and older DD do your thing?

You're being incredibly rude and dramatic. You need to stop pushing younger DD off on older DDs friends when she isn't invited. It doesn't matter what the age difference is. I'm sure older DD would enjoy play dates and parties with her friends without younger DD tagging along. Do you insist older DD go to younger dd's friends' parties and play dates?

We have many friends who are separate. This is a family friend. Obviously if it's a big deal the younger one won't go. There won't be tantrums-she is 8. She doesn't need quality time with dad. He works from home and spends a lot of time with her. We aren't planning to arrange the entire family's day around a 10 year old's party just because they would prefer to exclude one kid. The mom has done this to another of our close circle of friend's younger sisters. She repeatedly asks the ikder one to come play in front of the younger one and causes hurt feelings and drama there. That mom has tried to address it too. At one point, birthday mom tried to start an exclusive three person club for her daughter, my daughter and one other child. She wanted them to make patches for their jackets with only their initials and have meetings. I told her a neighborhood club would be ok but we weren't going to be part of something like that.

I'm confused about this. Why is it wrong for a mom to ask other kids her DD's age for social activities with her daughter? Whether it's your younger daughter or another neighbor's, why is it wrong to not include them? Her daughter probably wants to play with her friends HER age. I think the club thing sounds odd but normal play dates and birthday parties are totally fine and expected. If she consistently isn't asking the younger siblings, clearly her daughter has discussed it with her.

[Anonymous]

^^ she invited ME, too and she is a family friend. So, she would like me to find a sitter or ask my husband to watch the (upset) child while I take the older daughter. We have all spent hours together and the younger child is 12 months younger. I have a hard time believing the daughter is behind it. It is so bizarre.

Now my older daughter doesn't really want to go because she feels like it is exclusive and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ she invited ME, too and she is a family friend. So, she would like me to find a sitter or ask my husband to watch the (upset) child while I take the older daughter. We have all spent hours together and the younger child is 12 months younger. I have a hard time believing the daughter is behind it. It is so bizarre.

Now my older daughter doesn't really want to go because she feels like it is exclusive and rude.

OMG, you are so up your own butt that you can't see how rude you are! The mom is inviting her daughter's friend (your DD, same age) to the party. She'd like for you to drop in and chat too. It isn't a full family event. Like a normal person she assumes your DH and your younger daughter will occupy themselves while you are gone. Why are you forcing your younger DD on this woman and her daughter who clearly is only inviting her friends to the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ she invited ME, too and she is a family friend. So, she would like me to find a sitter or ask my husband to watch the (upset) child while I take the older daughter. We have all spent hours together and the younger child is 12 months younger. I have a hard time believing the daughter is behind it. It is so bizarre.

Now my older daughter doesn't really want to go because she feels like it is exclusive and rude.

I am the OP. I have 2 boys close in age. Our guest list includes siblings who are twins and siblings who are the same age as my younger child. We often hang out with all our children for outings. This party is costing me per child, is messy and we are keeping the guest list small. I don't want to host a ton of kids. Everyone who is on the guest list is in birthday child's grade. I am asking no twin siblings, one year younger, two year younger, one year older and two year older siblings not attend.

My younger child used to throw tantrums and get upset if he could not tag along to his older brother's parties and play dates. Once he started kindergarten, it was pretty easy to arrange a play date for him at the same time. Or he does something fun with daddy. We have had many play dates with others where younger child whines to stay and parent takes the sibling away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ she invited ME, too and she is a family friend. So, she would like me to find a sitter or ask my husband to watch the (upset) child while I take the older daughter. We have all spent hours together and the younger child is 12 months younger. I have a hard time believing the daughter is behind it. It is so bizarre.

Now my older daughter doesn't really want to go because she feels like it is exclusive and rude.

I am the OP. I have 2 boys close in age. Our guest list includes siblings who are twins and siblings who are the same age as my younger child. We often hang out with all our children for outings. This party is costing me per child, is messy and we are keeping the guest list small. I don't want to host a ton of kids. Everyone who is on the guest list is in birthday child's grade. I am asking no twin siblings, one year younger, two year younger, one year older and two year older siblings not attend.

My younger child used to throw tantrums and get upset if he could not tag along to his older brother's parties and play dates. Once he started kindergarten, it was pretty easy to arrange a play date for him at the same time. Or he does something fun with daddy. We have had many play dates with others where younger child whines to stay and parent takes the sibling away.

OP here. I meant to say our guest list includes kids who are twins and have siblings who are the same age as my younger child.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP. The party is at her house. No additional cost and about 4 people are coming so far. She likes for the moms to hang out during the party. She is a single mom so usually the dads don't come. We are family friends-not school friends. My younger daughter feels quite excluded for that reason. Like I said, my girls have separate friends and I do the arrange another play date thing with all of those people regularly. This feels like a personal dig to her. As for whether the birthday girl doesn't want to invite her: 1) my younger daughter is just about the most likeable kid on earth and I know they get along; and 2) in a similar situation I would include the younger child if I were the mom and tell my birthday child that was the right thing to do because we are family friends. That is one of the reasons my kids are thoughtful and kind-they are not encouraged to exclude whomever nor do I do the same in situations like this. That's also why my older daughter feels ambivalent about going-she doesn't want to exclude her sister. That thought would never occur to her for a classmate's party.

[Anonymous]

This people-bringing-a-sibling issue is a DCUM problem. I've never had an issue IRL and never had to say "no siblings!" Occasionally a close friend will text me "it's totally fine if Larla's sister wants to come too!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP. The party is at her house. No additional cost and about 4 people are coming so far. She likes for the moms to hang out during the party. She is a single mom so usually the dads don't come. We are family friends-not school friends. My younger daughter feels quite excluded for that reason. Like I said, my girls have separate friends and I do the arrange another play date thing with all of those people regularly. This feels like a personal dig to her. As for whether the birthday girl doesn't want to invite her: 1) my younger daughter is just about the most likeable kid on earth and I know they get along; and 2) in a similar situation I would include the younger child if I were the mom and tell my birthday child that was the right thing to do because we are family friends. That is one of the reasons my kids are thoughtful and kind-they are not encouraged to exclude whomever nor do I do the same in situations like this. That's also why my older daughter feels ambivalent about going-she doesn't want to exclude her sister. That thought would never occur to her for a classmate's party.

OP here. One of our guests is the son of my good friend. He is the middle child. I have always included her other two children for the past 6 years. This is the first time I am requesting no siblings. She totally understands and is not offended in the least. I am hanging out with her this weekend without kids. Next weekend, we are hanging out with all the kids. During winter break, the entire family got together including dads. I really don't think she thinks I am trying to exclude her other children who are very close to my children.

I think you are odd to take such offense to a birthday party.