Parent's Pervy Friend

[Anonymous]

You all are adults. Each adult should find the best way to handle the unwanted touching, which is not to continue to accept it. Either tell him there won't be any more touching/staring, stay away from him, offer your hand and no hug, or whatever. I teach my kids to say hello and good-bye; if they're not comfortable hugging/kissing/touching, that is okay. But you're still polite. No scene, and no unwanted touching.

[Anonymous]

Look him square in the eye and extend your hand.

[Anonymous]

https://mobile.twitter.com/BryFun1/status/785310574917804032/video/1

[Anonymous]

Use humor. "Hey, watch out buddy! The twins don't like being stared at."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://mobile.twitter.com/BryFun1/status/785310574917804032/video/1

That is a good clip, instructive and appalling at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are adults. Each adult should find the best way to handle the unwanted touching, which is not to continue to accept it. Either tell him there won't be any more touching/staring, stay away from him, offer your hand and no hug, or whatever. I teach my kids to say hello and good-bye; if they're not comfortable hugging/kissing/touching, that is okay. But you're still polite. No scene, and no unwanted touching.

Op here. I was really bothered by him staring at my chest for hours too. We were in a large group talking and everyone pretended they didn't notice. I probably got away from this guy 5x on Christmas. Obviously I need to get better at standing up for myself but the whole thing disgusts me. I don't see why I should have to be polite to the perverted old man. I've been avoiding him for years and this isn't working. I will say something next time even if it makes a scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are adults. Each adult should find the best way to handle the unwanted touching, which is not to continue to accept it. Either tell him there won't be any more touching/staring, stay away from him, offer your hand and no hug, or whatever. I teach my kids to say hello and good-bye; if they're not comfortable hugging/kissing/touching, that is okay. But you're still polite. No scene, and no unwanted touching.

Op here. I was really bothered by him staring at my chest for hours too. We were in a large group talking and everyone pretended they didn't notice. I probably got away from this guy 5x on Christmas. Obviously I need to get better at standing up for myself but the whole thing disgusts me. I don't see why I should have to be polite to the perverted old man. I've been avoiding him for years and this isn't working. I will say something next time even if it makes a scene.

You don't have to be polite, OP. You are putting his comfort and the comfort of the party over your own. Speak up.

[Anonymous]

for fuks sake, either let it go or don't go to the party, why is this so hard for you? Stop fishing for compliments or wearing low cut shirts to the party and he'll probably leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for fuks sake, either let it go or don't go to the party, why is this so hard for you? Stop fishing for compliments or wearing low cut shirts to the party and he'll probably leave you alone.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use humor. "Hey, watch out buddy! The twins don't like being stared at."

See, this is the way to do it. Comeon, folks, yelling at the perv to "get your fu... hands off my ass!" at her parents' house--she's NOT going to do it. It's too vulgar. And sure, she has a right to be vulgar, but she's not going to be vulgar and start a war at her parents' party.

But saying, "Hey, Larlo, watch those hands; I've got your number!" in a funny-but-warning tone is PERFECT because

1) it establishes a boundary, and

2) it warns him that if he continues then she will escalate into the public sphere (where other guests, and his wife, will hear)

It's basically a THREAT of outing him. The guy needs the threat to keep him in line; he needs to know that he's got something to lose, and she is willing to go there if he doesn't knock it off.

BTW I've taken a number of classes on how to help your kids deal with pedophile situations. For the parent talk, the instructor gave an example once of warning a pervy neighbor to back off from her DD. She said, "Hey, Louie, I've got my eyes on you," while using her fingers to point to her eyes and then to him, in a warning way, but it was also not full-out-mama-bear growl, but more hostile-friendly. Just put him on notice; pedophiles want easy targets, so it established that her DD was no easy target, because there was a mama bear watching. Anyways, I think the idea translates well into this adult/adult situation.

[Anonymous]

Just curious. How long is it OK for a guy to check out a woman's boobs when they are on clear display?

I mean, I would check them out, for sure, and probably without thinking about it, but know that it's best to move on after a second or two max. Staring at anyone too long or at anyone's breasts or rear too long just seems like it would creep others out.

But you do get a nano-second, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use humor. "Hey, watch out buddy! The twins don't like being stared at."

See, this is the way to do it. Comeon, folks, yelling at the perv to "get your fu... hands off my ass!" at her parents' house--she's NOT going to do it. It's too vulgar. And sure, she has a right to be vulgar, but she's not going to be vulgar and start a war at her parents' party.

But saying, "Hey, Larlo, watch those hands; I've got your number!" in a funny-but-warning tone is PERFECT because

1) it establishes a boundary, and

2) it warns him that if he continues then she will escalate into the public sphere (where other guests, and his wife, will hear)

It's basically a THREAT of outing him. The guy needs the threat to keep him in line; he needs to know that he's got something to lose, and she is willing to go there if he doesn't knock it off.

BTW I've taken a number of classes on how to help your kids deal with pedophile situations. For the parent talk, the instructor gave an example once of warning a pervy neighbor to back off from her DD. She said, "Hey, Louie, I've got my eyes on you," while using her fingers to point to her eyes and then to him, in a warning way, but it was also not full-out-mama-bear growl, but more hostile-friendly. Just put him on notice; pedophiles want easy targets, so it established that her DD was no easy target, because there was a mama bear watching. Anyways, I think the idea translates well into this adult/adult situation.

This is exactly right. It hits the sweet spot between not making a scene and stern warning, and it's short enough to articulate if speaking up is not your normal comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. How long is it OK for a guy to check out a woman's boobs when they are on clear display?

I mean, I would check them out, for sure, and probably without thinking about it, but know that it's best to move on after a second or two max. Staring at anyone too long or at anyone's breasts or rear too long just seems like it would creep others out.

But you do get a nano-second, right?

On clear display? So, you mean she's topless, right? In that case, stare as long as you want.

If she's clothed, then that is not "on clear display", and no, you don't get to check them out.

Now, realistically, it's fine to look at the bodies of the women in the room, when you are at the punch bowl, generally scanning the room, eyes happen to glance over everyone's form, no biggie. But when you are being introduced? Having a conversation? No, don't do elevator eyes unless the two of you are engaged in a serious flirtation. Unless you want her to think you're a pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. How long is it OK for a guy to check out a woman's boobs when they are on clear display?

I mean, I would check them out, for sure, and probably without thinking about it, but know that it's best to move on after a second or two max. Staring at anyone too long or at anyone's breasts or rear too long just seems like it would creep others out.

But you do get a nano-second, right?

Are you in a bar or picking up women? Then you can check out women. At a Christmas party when your wife is there and the women you hit on are half your age? No.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow. There is nothing I disagree with more than some of the responses on this thread. You are not embarrassing him, or yourself, or your parents, if you say "don't touch me." He is a predator. It is the perception that it will cause a scene, or it's not that bad because his wife is there, or that you are embarrassing him that allows him to keep being a predator.

FFS.

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me like that.
Don't ever touch me again.

Practice it. You set a firm boundary with him. And I'd think about never going again unless he is uninvited.