How to Deal With People Who Brag Constantly and Show Off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I do well financially and have for about 10 years. Not rich, but comfortable - big house, savings, retirement, college, travel, etc. We have kids and are in our 30s. We are good friends with another couple who recently have gone from struggling to doing well financially after the husband got a great job opportunity two years ago. Ever since then, all they ever talk about is what they're buying and how much it costs. I'm happy for them, but it's just really irritating when you're hanging out with people who are obsessed with status. For example, they talk about going out to eat at some fancy restaurant and it only cost $500 for the meal. (Which I think is a waste of money, but not mine, so oh well) And what kind of car they're going to get, mercedes, land rover, tesla, etc. And talking about how they paid $700 for a pair of shoes and how awesome they are. Just really stupid stuff. And it's constant.

Here's why it truly bothers me - I feel like their attitude has completely changed and now they just act like smug, entitled people. We are not jealous. We have a few other friends who make tons of money as well, but hanging out with others isn't as uncomfortable because they're not constantly trying to show off their success. My husband and I are personally very frugal people, since we both grew up poor. Other than avoiding these people, which is what we've been doing lately, what is some good advice for dealing with this?

First you have to face the fact that you are rich.

And jealous.

OP doesn't sound jealous. Our HHI is about 350k and we drive 5-6 year old used cars and put away 5-6 grand per month in addition to maxing out both 401(k)s and saving toward our kid's 529. Like OP, we will be able to retire, if we choose to, at a reasonably young age, barring a job catastrophe (and, frankly, taking a job catastrophe into account we could stop saving for retirement now and take jobs that merely meet the household expenses and have around $3m in 25 years). My reaction to OP's friends is that they are stupid with money and probably spending most of, if not all or more than, the money they earn. They are probably a couple paychecks away from being put out of their house if the DH's great job opportunity goes away. Even if that doesn't happen, they will never be able to retire. I get the sense that OP has the same reaction to her foolish friends. There is nothing to envy about that.

OP's post doesn't indicate that they are spending beyond their means, but even if that's the case, why would that make you so upset that you feel compelled to blast your friends online? If anything, I would either laugh at their foolishness or feel kinda sorry for them and leave it at that. It's the bitchy rant that makes me think OP is secretly jealous of these people, while openly looking down at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you say you are frugal but you live in a big house, vacation, etc. maybe your friend finally feels like they caught up and you have enough money that you wouldn't care about what they spend so they can share their success. Honestly, I get just as exhausted by people who are so "frugal" yet obviously wealthy - it is just as on obnoxious to me as the braggars who spend - well at least the braggers seem more fun. The only good part about your post is at least you didn't mention shopping at Old Navy and thrift stores.

+1 fishing for complements about your frugality is just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a bit of a vouyer by nature because I love when people are indiscreet this way! About money but also about other things - gossip about mutual friends and acquaintances, sex, relationships, etc. It's more interesting and entertaining to hang out with those types than with people who clutch their pearls all the time. It would make me laugh delightedly to hear this stuff, lol.

Same here! I love this stuff. I'm definitely not one of those big minds discussing ideas.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have a good relationship these people, let it go. They are obviously compensating and it is not costing you anything. I see it frequently....everyone has different motivations for their behavior but at the end of the day, it is really personal. Again, if they are not bothering you or begging you for $$ to bail them out from bad financial behavior, then just focus on the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

So why are you piling on this "nice guy," calling his cars "shit" and him stupid, if he's already in a bad financial situation? And what's with the "I make more and could buy the same things he does?" Like PP said, grow up. Even third graders are more mature than some of you people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

You sound really upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I do well financially and have for about 10 years. Not rich, but comfortable - big house, savings, retirement, college, travel, etc. We have kids and are in our 30s. We are good friends with another couple who recently have gone from struggling to doing well financially after the husband got a great job opportunity two years ago. Ever since then, all they ever talk about is what they're buying and how much it costs. I'm happy for them, but it's just really irritating when you're hanging out with people who are obsessed with status. For example, they talk about going out to eat at some fancy restaurant and it only cost $500 for the meal. (Which I think is a waste of money, but not mine, so oh well) And what kind of car they're going to get, mercedes, land rover, tesla, etc. And talking about how they paid $700 for a pair of shoes and how awesome they are. Just really stupid stuff. And it's constant.

Here's why it truly bothers me - I feel like their attitude has completely changed and now they just act like smug, entitled people. We are not jealous. We have a few other friends who make tons of money as well, but hanging out with others isn't as uncomfortable because they're not constantly trying to show off their success. My husband and I are personally very frugal people, since we both grew up poor. Other than avoiding these people, which is what we've been doing lately, what is some good advice for dealing with this?

First you have to face the fact that you are rich.

And jealous.

OP doesn't sound jealous. Our HHI is about 350k and we drive 5-6 year old used cars and put away 5-6 grand per month in addition to maxing out both 401(k)s and saving toward our kid's 529. Like OP, we will be able to retire, if we choose to, at a reasonably young age, barring a job catastrophe (and, frankly, taking a job catastrophe into account we could stop saving for retirement now and take jobs that merely meet the household expenses and have around $3m in 25 years). My reaction to OP's friends is that they are stupid with money and probably spending most of, if not all or more than, the money they earn. They are probably a couple paychecks away from being put out of their house if the DH's great job opportunity goes away. Even if that doesn't happen, they will never be able to retire. I get the sense that OP has the same reaction to her foolish friends. There is nothing to envy about that.

OP's post doesn't indicate that they are spending beyond their means, but even if that's the case, why would that make you so upset that you feel compelled to blast your friends online? If anything, I would either laugh at their foolishness or feel kinda sorry for them and leave it at that. It's the bitchy rant that makes me think OP is secretly jealous of these people, while openly looking down at them.

+1. We also make a similar income (over 400k) and save a similar amount. I have no desire to post a rant about my friends' spending habits because I don't care. I also realize that everyone is different and some people don't mind spending everything and don't desire to retire early. Different strokes for different folks. I don't think my spend happy friends would want to live in our smaller house and make the sacrifices we are making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

You sound really upset.

Not upset at all, just marveling at how foolish and short-sighted his financial choices are. They are his choices to make and more power to him if buying all these things makes him happy, but I'd also judge someone who took 75% of their paycheck every couple weeks and played the slots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

So why are you piling on this "nice guy," calling his cars "shit" and him stupid, if he's already in a bad financial situation? And what's with the "I make more and could buy the same things he does?" Like PP said, grow up. Even third graders are more mature than some of you people.

To clarify: I didn't call his cars shit - they are VERY NICE luxury cars. I meant that in the sense of "whatever the hell it is he drives" (I actually don't remember, but I know their cars are very expensive). I also didn't call him stupid, but pointed out that he is engaging in stupid financial behavior. Doesn't mean he is a stupid person, but he is not being smart with his money. Spending everything you earn at age 38-40 (with three young kids to take care of) is objectively bad financial decisionmaking, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

You sound really upset.

Not upset at all, just marveling at how foolish and short-sighted his financial choices are. They are his choices to make and more power to him if buying all these things makes him happy, but I'd also judge someone who took 75% of their paycheck every couple weeks and played the slots.

We have a seven figure income and also pretty frugal. I could care less how others spend their money. Probably only thing I judge is when families spend a small fortune on private schools for their kids while they still have student loans themselves. Some of these people are so proud of their secondary education even when they did not attend elite colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

You sound really upset.

Not upset at all, just marveling at how foolish and short-sighted his financial choices are. They are his choices to make and more power to him if buying all these things makes him happy, but I'd also judge someone who took 75% of their paycheck every couple weeks and played the slots.

We have a seven figure income and also pretty frugal. I could care less how others spend their money. Probably only thing I judge is when families spend a small fortune on private schools for their kids while they still have student loans themselves. Some of these people are so proud of their secondary education even when they did not attend elite colleges.

You may have a 7 figure income but you obviously can't write the English language! "could care less"???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.

I think you off base here. Close friends do share details and a certain frankness at times as your friend did with his pool....I actually find it refreshing that he told you what it cost and his personal financial situation. Your friend is just proud of his purchase and wanted to share that with you. I think you are the one with the problem with envy, jealousy, etc. Grow up.

I am not jealous of the fact that someone I know was surprised to discover he had an extra $40k lying around and his reaction was to find something to spend it on. A close friend of mine works with this guy, and he saves nothing in a retirement account, and from what I can tell doesn't save anything in non-retirement accounts. This is objectively stupid behavior. I judge him; I am not jealous of him. I make a lot more than him and could drive an Infiniti or Escalade or whatever the shit he drives, and put a pool in, etc.

For the record, he is a nice guy but we are not close friends. So he was definitely announcing to a very casual acquaintance that he spent every last spare dollar he had (again, forty thousand of them) on a pool.

You sound really upset.

Not upset at all, just marveling at how foolish and short-sighted his financial choices are. They are his choices to make and more power to him if buying all these things makes him happy, but I'd also judge someone who took 75% of their paycheck every couple weeks and played the slots.

We have a seven figure income and also pretty frugal. I could care less how others spend their money. Probably only thing I judge is when families spend a small fortune on private schools for their kids while they still have student loans themselves. Some of these people are so proud of their secondary education even when they did not attend elite colleges.

You may have a 7 figure income but you obviously can't write the English language! "could care less"???


I feel like every other poster on here has a seven figure income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you say you are frugal but you live in a big house, vacation, etc. maybe your friend finally feels like they caught up and you have enough money that you wouldn't care about what they spend so they can share their success. Honestly, I get just as exhausted by people who are so "frugal" yet obviously wealthy - it is just as on obnoxious to me as the braggars who spend - well at least the braggers seem more fun. The only good part about your post is at least you didn't mention shopping at Old Navy and thrift stores.

What s/he said. OP, the MMM forums are full of HHI types who spend half of their time making fun of how others spend. It's part of what makes those forums so boorish. Rise above!