How to Deal With People Who Brag Constantly and Show Off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just change the subject

Make it obvious too and be consistent. That's something I would do. Begin every new subject change with "other than how you are spending money what else is going on in your life?"

This is funny. I am the OP, and maybe we will try that next time. As for some of the other comments:

Why are we friends with them? We've been friends for a long time, since college. Way before either of us had any sort of financial success.

My sheltered life and helping the homeless - My life is just as sheltered as any other person in the US who doesn't live paycheck to paycheck, but that's not really relevant to the question.

Are they actually mentioning the cost of items - Yes, they are. That's what is so irritating really. I don't know anyone else who tells me how much they spent on their car, their home improvements, etc. (Unless they're bragging about a good deal) These people mention ridiculous amounts to show how much they can afford I guess.

You are jealous - No, actually I'm not. I can afford to spend money, but the difference is I don't share everything with my friends and post it to facebook about how much my imported Italian marble fireplace tiles cost and how awesome they are. Yes, this is a real example.

Then the next time they mention the cost of something I'd say something like " the new marble fireplace is great, but why share how much it cost?"

[Anonymous]

OP, your choice is to let it roll off your back or ditch them. You clearly are not able to just ignore and move on, letting your history with them be the thing you focus on, so just get out.

I mean really. It may be slightly obnoxious, but how harmful is it really the way they talk? Examine your own responses. And DON'T pull the "I grew up poor" stuff. Lots of us did. In my own hosuehold, my DH is extravagant because of how he grew up. I am more frugal. Neither one of us is "better." It's just our own reactions. I roll my eyes and move on when people "brag."

Why not start with yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your choice is to let it roll off your back or ditch them. You clearly are not able to just ignore and move on, letting your history with them be the thing you focus on, so just get out.

I mean really. It may be slightly obnoxious, but how harmful is it really the way they talk? Examine your own responses. And DON'T pull the "I grew up poor" stuff. Lots of us did. In my own hosuehold, my DH is extravagant because of how he grew up. I am more frugal. Neither one of us is "better." It's just our own reactions. I roll my eyes and move on when people "brag."

Why not start with yourself?

It's true that OP seems to be judging them a bit and allowing her upbringing to influence her.

However, I also understand how annoying it is when people constantly talk about money. My husband does this a lot and it's infuriating. I'm not sure why. If he's insecure, doesn't get that people aren't interested in the cost of something, etc ? It's almost like he can't help himself. It would probably help if someone besides me called him out on it!

[Anonymous]

OP, I suspect they've felt like they've been competing with you for a long time and have watched you buy your big home and take your fancy vacations and felt like you were bragging. I'm sure you believed you were being understated and discrete, but before they came into money if you were talking about your treks in New Zealand over wine in your big house, that may explain why they are overcompensating now.

[Anonymous]

OP - here's an adage I live by. If your friends don't fall into the first category, you do not need them in your life: "Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People (and their acquisitions)"

[Anonymous]

Well OP you say you are frugal but you live in a big house, vacation, etc. maybe your friend finally feels like they caught up and you have enough money that you wouldn't care about what they spend so they can share their success. Honestly, I get just as exhausted by people who are so "frugal" yet obviously wealthy - it is just as on obnoxious to me as the braggars who spend - well at least the braggers seem more fun. The only good part about your post is at least you didn't mention shopping at Old Navy and thrift stores.

[Anonymous]

I've found that most people will do this when they come into money. It's a natural reaction to enjoying something you've never had before. Many will come back to reality after a few years, some will not. Time will tell which category these friends fall into. For now, be happy for their new found success and remember money is still a shiny new toy for them at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Different perspective. We are high income earners and so are most of our friends. We never talk about the cost of anything but DH likes cars and tech. We both like to eat out and experience things like restaurants and vacations. If my friend gets a new cute bag, I may comment. DH talks about random cars and tech. He did this back when he was a poor student and drove a Mazda. It just happens that we can now afford a Range Rover and a Porsche. I don't think we are bragging or our friends are bragging.

I am mindful of certain people who may not just be able to drop 10k on a Disney Cruise or go to Europe with us. I may not mention a Michelin star restaurant but mention a great Chinese restaurant with soup dumplings in NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found that most people will do this when they come into money. It's a natural reaction to enjoying something you've never had before. Many will come back to reality after a few years, some will not. Time will tell which category these friends fall into. For now, be happy for their new found success and remember money is still a shiny new toy for them at the moment.

I think it has to do with this as well. I have one friend who is like this. She grew up poor while I grew up upper middle class and still am. A lot of what I had growing up and took for granted I realize she never had and it's all new to her. For example, she mentioned going to buy a particular item for the holidays but she mentioned the brand name and store where purchasing. To me, what she said was a given, as in of course I would buy such a brand and go to that store so I would never think of mentioning either. But it's new to her and it's like she wants me to know that she is now on equal footing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've found that most people will do this when they come into money. It's a natural reaction to enjoying something you've never had before. Many will come back to reality after a few years, some will not. Time will tell which category these friends fall into. For now, be happy for their new found success and remember money is still a shiny new toy for them at the moment.

I think it has to do with this as well. I have one friend who is like this. She grew up poor while I grew up upper middle class and still am. A lot of what I had growing up and took for granted I realize she never had and it's all new to her. For example, she mentioned going to buy a particular item for the holidays but she mentioned the brand name and store where purchasing. To me, what she said was a given, as in of course I would buy such a brand and go to that store so I would never think of mentioning either. But it's new to her and it's like she wants me to know that she is now on equal footing.

my friend all shop at higher end stores. I would thinking nothing of a friend who mentioned chanel or chloe or whatever. I bought a burberry bag and an apple watch. no big deal. would think nothing of a friend who got a hermes bag or whatever either.

[Anonymous]

I also have plenty of friends who are not high income who like nice things. I think they buy equal or maybe even more expensive items than I do. I can only have so many chanel bags and I don't need to buy a million pairs of shoes. perhaps it's because I like to be comfortable and wear sneakers. We now have seven figure HHI but I spent similarly when I earned 100k at my first job. we splurge more on our home and save most of our extra income.

[Anonymous]

Move along from the friendship-- you no longer have the same values. NBD

[Anonymous]

Most of this is cultural. What nationality are these friends of yours? I know certain cultures where you must "show your wares" so to speak and it is OK to do so. In the western culture, modesty, humility is often taught growing up, but not so much in other cultures. With financial success, comes respect, acceptance, etc. How else would one earn such respect from friends, family if they were not showing it? BTW, I don't agree with those who show off, regardless of culture, but just saying....

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin like this. They will never grow out of this behavior. You need to either accept them or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin like this. They will never grow out of this behavior. You need to either accept them or move on.

The people I know who do this have never grown out of it. It's very hard to change as a person.