How to Deal With People Who Brag Constantly and Show Off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you say you are frugal but you live in a big house, vacation, etc. maybe your friend finally feels like they caught up and you have enough money that you wouldn't care about what they spend so they can share their success. Honestly, I get just as exhausted by people who are so "frugal" yet obviously wealthy - it is just as on obnoxious to me as the braggars who spend - well at least the braggers seem more fun. The only good part about your post is at least you didn't mention shopping at Old Navy and thrift stores.

Lol this is hilarious. I totally agree. OP sounds obnoxious sitting on her holier than thou high horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - here's an adage I live by. If your friends don't fall into the first category, you do not need them in your life: "Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People (and their acquisitions)"

I've heard this as well and think it's a little silly. How many people truly talk about IDEAS? what does that even mean? Most people discuss events, people, their experiences etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well OP you say you are frugal but you live in a big house, vacation, etc. maybe your friend finally feels like they caught up and you have enough money that you wouldn't care about what they spend so they can share their success. Honestly, I get just as exhausted by people who are so "frugal" yet obviously wealthy - it is just as on obnoxious to me as the braggars who spend - well at least the braggers seem more fun. The only good part about your post is at least you didn't mention shopping at Old Navy and thrift stores.

Lol this is hilarious. I totally agree. OP sounds obnoxious sitting on her holier than thou high horse.

I agree. I wouldn't think this normally but OP's mention of her frugality makes me think she's part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

My approach with friends who talk about money, or how clean & pure their lifestyles are, is to only react to the part of the story that I actually find interesting. So, never respond to cost info, but if the shoes are cute, say how cute they are. If she mentions how expensive the kitchen reno is, express a lot of interest in backsplash color. If she boasts about how much her vacation cost, ask about what she actually did on that vacation and ask to see photos, then gush over how beautiful the scenery is.

In other words, redirect.

[Anonymous]

I guess I am a bit of a vouyer by nature because I love when people are indiscreet this way! About money but also about other things - gossip about mutual friends and acquaintances, sex, relationships, etc. It's more interesting and entertaining to hang out with those types than with people who clutch their pearls all the time. It would make me laugh delightedly to hear this stuff, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My approach with friends who talk about money, or how clean & pure their lifestyles are, is to only react to the part of the story that I actually find interesting. So, never respond to cost info, but if the shoes are cute, say how cute they are. If she mentions how expensive the kitchen reno is, express a lot of interest in backsplash color. If she boasts about how much her vacation cost, ask about what she actually did on that vacation and ask to see photos, then gush over how beautiful the scenery is.

In other words, redirect.

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

The answer to this question should give you your answer

Are we like them ?

If you are you're just as shallow

If not, you find other friends

[Anonymous]

Op, they annoy you, you annoy me. Luckily we are not friend or hang out with each other, but you and your friend deserve each other. Read your post again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a bit of a vouyer by nature because I love when people are indiscreet this way! About money but also about other things - gossip about mutual friends and acquaintances, sex, relationships, etc. It's more interesting and entertaining to hang out with those types than with people who clutch their pearls all the time. It would make me laugh delightedly to hear this stuff, lol.

I agree. OP sounds like a pearl clutcher.

[Anonymous]

I like it when people brag about all of their expensive, pricey toys and show off like that. I don't know why. Most of the time, we can't afford whatever the luxury is, but it's just nice to see people living it up and thinking, "what if". Sometimes I get a little jealous, but it's mostly a wistful sort of feeling, not annoyance or rage.

I especially enjoy tales about travels and vacations. Lighten up OP and be happy for your friend and her successes, geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a bit of a vouyer by nature because I love when people are indiscreet this way! About money but also about other things - gossip about mutual friends and acquaintances, sex, relationships, etc. It's more interesting and entertaining to hang out with those types than with people who clutch their pearls all the time. It would make me laugh delightedly to hear this stuff, lol.

Same here! I love this stuff. I'm definitely not one of those big minds discussing ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I do well financially and have for about 10 years. Not rich, but comfortable - big house, savings, retirement, college, travel, etc. We have kids and are in our 30s. We are good friends with another couple who recently have gone from struggling to doing well financially after the husband got a great job opportunity two years ago. Ever since then, all they ever talk about is what they're buying and how much it costs. I'm happy for them, but it's just really irritating when you're hanging out with people who are obsessed with status. For example, they talk about going out to eat at some fancy restaurant and it only cost $500 for the meal. (Which I think is a waste of money, but not mine, so oh well) And what kind of car they're going to get, mercedes, land rover, tesla, etc. And talking about how they paid $700 for a pair of shoes and how awesome they are. Just really stupid stuff. And it's constant.

Here's why it truly bothers me - I feel like their attitude has completely changed and now they just act like smug, entitled people. We are not jealous. We have a few other friends who make tons of money as well, but hanging out with others isn't as uncomfortable because they're not constantly trying to show off their success. My husband and I are personally very frugal people, since we both grew up poor. Other than avoiding these people, which is what we've been doing lately, what is some good advice for dealing with this?

First you have to face the fact that you are rich.

And jealous.

OP doesn't sound jealous. Our HHI is about 350k and we drive 5-6 year old used cars and put away 5-6 grand per month in addition to maxing out both 401(k)s and saving toward our kid's 529. Like OP, we will be able to retire, if we choose to, at a reasonably young age, barring a job catastrophe (and, frankly, taking a job catastrophe into account we could stop saving for retirement now and take jobs that merely meet the household expenses and have around $3m in 25 years). My reaction to OP's friends is that they are stupid with money and probably spending most of, if not all or more than, the money they earn. They are probably a couple paychecks away from being put out of their house if the DH's great job opportunity goes away. Even if that doesn't happen, they will never be able to retire. I get the sense that OP has the same reaction to her foolish friends. There is nothing to envy about that.

[Anonymous]

I like hearing when my friends brag about their purchases, it allows my DH and I to snicker behind their backs and talk about how they can't retire early or how dumb the purchase was (Prada flip flops anyone?). I like also to live vicariously through them. I would only be bothered if I felt they were telling these stories to one-up me or if they felt our choices were lesser. They are probably very excited to come into financial success and want to share by telling details of something they would not have been able to afford years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found that most people will do this when they come into money. It's a natural reaction to enjoying something you've never had before. Many will come back to reality after a few years, some will not. Time will tell which category these friends fall into. For now, be happy for their new found success and remember money is still a shiny new toy for them at the moment.

OP, I agree with this. If you want to keep the friendship, just consider their perspective. They are probably amazed at what they can buy. I was like this when I started earning much more than my regular spending (no where near what you and other pps are talking about) but I'd share with my friends my expensive purchases - and honestly it was more like I couldn't believe i was able to do this and just wanted to share that with someone I'd think understood. Like "wow. I just got these $300 shoes!!! And I could still pay my bills and it doesn't put me in debt."

If you've known them a long time, you might be able to gauge whether they'll settle in and come back to reality like the pp said or if this is the new them. If its the former, give them a little slack and do what others have recommended - redirect, change subject, or even join in their happiness. A simple, "OMG, what great shoes. It's so awesome you can get them now. That must feel great."

[Anonymous]

I have a mutual friend who lives like this, but on a smaller scale (likely makes far less than OP's friends). I was at his house once and he was showing off his new pool. Everything was top of the line. He told me that he'd looked and noticed they had something like $40k in savings and he needed to find something to spend it on. That is how this idiot's mind works. He is in sales and says that he isn't worried about saving money, because he can always make more.