How do I let my fiancée know she made a terrible mistake with her hair?

[Anonymous]

Married 24 years. My DH has never, ever commented negatively on my hair, body, etc. He has impeccable manners in general. I'd be shocked to hear him voice something about a haircut.

If you don't have something kind to say, don't say anything at all.

[Anonymous]

agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not tell her she "made a mistake."

You say, "I think I prefer it <however>, but as long as you're happy I'm happy. You always look beautiful."

This. Exactly this.

This, and ONLY if she asks for your opinion.

[Anonymous]

honey, I miss your old hair. Snuggle snuggle snuggle

thats it - but she might take the hint

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a potential spouse you both should be part of the decision. She sounds awful

+1 I've been married 20 years and I certainly want my dh to find my style attractive. Plus, I value his opinion as he picks better clothes for me than I do for myself. Obviously, I have to like my hair, too. But if he grew a beard or grew his hair out long enough for a ponytail and I hated it, I'd hope he'd take that into consideration.

I know DCUM is very conservative and traditional leaning, but this is sad to me.

I'm the pp you responded to. Can you elaborate on what you think is sad about what I said? Were you being facetious about DCUM being conservative and traditional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd absolutely want to be told in a kind and loving way. If you can't have that kind of frank discussion with your fiance, then you're not ready to be married. Hair is a choice, much like fashion. If my fiance/dh didn't care for an outfit, he would tell me, nicely, that it wasn't flattering or whatever, and I would be glad for his feedback. He's not, as someone said, an accessory. He is my best friend. I value his taste and opinion.

Exactly. My DH wants me to be the best that I can be in appearance presentation, ect. And I want the same. He has said before (and I appreciate it) things like "that dress has an interesting pattern but I've seen other things that look better on you". We always end up laughing because he's being so "PC" but a kind word is very appreciated.

[Anonymous]

An ombré would have been a nice compromise.

It would give you time to adjust gradually.....

[Anonymous]

Looks matter in whether we are attracted to someone. Not all dramatic changes in appearance are for the better. If OP loves his fiancées black hair but she has now bleached it out, that will change the way she looks dramatically and he is entitled to an opinion about it. That doesn't make him shallow.

The beard thread should be full of posts saying it's ok for husbands or boyfriends to grow beards, even if they look bad. I'm betting a lot of posters here have made regrettable hair decisions st some point and are feeling defensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks matter in whether we are attracted to someone. Not all dramatic changes in appearance are for the better. If OP loves his fiancées black hair but she has now bleached it out, that will change the way she looks dramatically and he is entitled to an opinion about it. That doesn't make him shallow.

The beard thread should be full of posts saying it's ok for husbands or boyfriends to grow beards, even if they look bad. I'm betting a lot of posters here have made regrettable hair decisions st some point and are feeling defensive!

I am op of the beard thread. I wrote it 1) because it is true, and 2) because I found the answers here to be horrid. I figured it would be sexist -- basically, I need to bend over backward to make my wife attracted....

DCUM did not disappoint.

[Anonymous]

This is the easiest answer ever posted on DCUM.

Of course you tell her you like the old style better. You can do it in a diplomatic way without insulting her about her new look.

My wife cut her hair short. I told her she looked cute but she looked far more attractive with long hair. She grew it back. She could keep it short of course. I could grow a pony tail and start wearing Ed Hardy shirts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Miss the old her." WTH? She's still the same person.

My god. Men are so simple.

+1 if anyone ever doubted it, they can just read this post.

Yes we are simple. Why don't you tell your DH "I'm the same person" after 50lb weight gain.

Isn't that the same thing he would say after his 50+ lb weight gain?

Gaining weight does not change who a person is. Y'all are really shallow.

OMG Woman here and I have to disagree. Weight gain does change a person. He won't exercise with me. Touching him IS NOT THE SAME when he has a belly. I'm not saying he has to stay the same forever, I get that. We all get older, softer, some of us fatter, some thinner. But a beer belly does change who is is. To me. I hate it. I'm not attracted to that. Extra fat makes his penis seem smaller. I can't stand it. He's the same lovely person inside, but you will never convince me that I don't have to LIKE his physical body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a potential spouse you both should be part of the decision. She sounds awful

+1 I've been married 20 years and I certainly want my dh to find my style attractive. Plus, I value his opinion as he picks better clothes for me than I do for myself. Obviously, I have to like my hair, too. But if he grew a beard or grew his hair out long enough for a ponytail and I hated it, I'd hope he'd take that into consideration.

I know DCUM is very conservative and traditional leaning, but this is sad to me.

WHY is that sad? I actually like it. I take my DH's wishes into consideration (keep my hair longer) and he takes mine into consideration (keeps his beard trimmed and not scraggly). I think that is loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a potential spouse you both should be part of the decision. She sounds awful

+1 I've been married 20 years and I certainly want my dh to find my style attractive. Plus, I value his opinion as he picks better clothes for me than I do for myself. Obviously, I have to like my hair, too. But if he grew a beard or grew his hair out long enough for a ponytail and I hated it, I'd hope he'd take that into consideration.

I know DCUM is very conservative and traditional leaning, but this is sad to me.

WHY is that sad? I actually like it. I take my DH's wishes into consideration (keep my hair longer) and he takes mine into consideration (keeps his beard trimmed and not scraggly). I think that is loving.

Np here it's sad because after 20 years the attraction is still shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a potential spouse you both should be part of the decision. She sounds awful

+1 I've been married 20 years and I certainly want my dh to find my style attractive. Plus, I value his opinion as he picks better clothes for me than I do for myself. Obviously, I have to like my hair, too. But if he grew a beard or grew his hair out long enough for a ponytail and I hated it, I'd hope he'd take that into consideration.

I know DCUM is very conservative and traditional leaning, but this is sad to me.

WHY is that sad? I actually like it. I take my DH's wishes into consideration (keep my hair longer) and he takes mine into consideration (keeps his beard trimmed and not scraggly). I think that is loving.

I think it's controlling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks matter in whether we are attracted to someone. Not all dramatic changes in appearance are for the better. If OP loves his fiancées black hair but she has now bleached it out, that will change the way she looks dramatically and he is entitled to an opinion about it. That doesn't make him shallow.

The beard thread should be full of posts saying it's ok for husbands or boyfriends to grow beards, even if they look bad. I'm betting a lot of posters here have made regrettable hair decisions st some point and are feeling defensive!

That is shallowness by definition. When I met my husband he had a head full of beautiful curls that I loved. He got cancer 4 years ago and thanks to treatment they all fell out and haven't grown back. His hair isn't and won't be the same. I still love him. Still find him wildly attractive and wouldn't dream of anything else