Was college the best 4 years of your life, or is it the best 4 years of your child's life? Sad DD.

[Anonymous]

No- not the best years of my life. Raised by a single mother and poor I got into a good private college with a financial aid package that included loans. I had a difficult major, work-study, and no strong family support. Many rich kids- drinking-hooking up. Hated my freshman dorm experience. I had good friends in college but I was always stressed. I tried the party scene for a while and look back now and think how the culture at my school was not really me. I get alumni brochures all the time and I can't believe they are charging $65,000 + a year. I think kids work so hard to get into college they think once they get there it will be paradise and it is not. The drinking culture at college is out of control. I agree with posters that most people are not happy 50% of time. The best years of my life were after college when I could finally support myself, get a cute little apartment, meet new people from all over, got married, had babies. I recently had cancer so right now has been the worst time in my life. I think life is up and down for everyone. Some people just have an easier life and other people have more struggles. Maybe she should seriously rethink the premed track.

[Anonymous]

She needs to be realistic. You said she is in a great college, premed, which sounds pretty great to me. Ask her what would make her happier specifically, attend parties?'more close friends? Boy friend? All these things can be improved by staying at her school. If she doesn't want to be a doctor, that's something she needs to figure out soon. Social media sucks, I'm so glad it wasn't around when I was young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was in a top tier sorority at UVA and is now in medical school. I don't think getting into med school means you're locked in the library every night -- but she did work extremely hard.

Yeah, one of my best friends from high school is now a doctor from a great med school. She had a wonderful time in college - really good school, really good grades, and she made lifelong friends (20 years later, they still go on vacation together).

I went to a prestigious liberal arts school. Not a science major. I studied hard, but also did go to parties and stuff. I wouldn't say that college was the best time of my life by any means, not because I studied day and night. I just didn't love college. I loved my major, and made some good friends, but I just didn't feel totally settled or happy there. I think some of it was that I was still figuring out what it is that I like to do, and where I like to be - I picked a college in a very small town, in a very cold climate, and it turns out I like to be in bigger cities in warmer climates, etc. I had a much better time in grad school in New York (though still hated the weather).

Your daughter has a lot to look forward in life. College will be over soon enough.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in your daughter's shoes. I took a year off, took some of the pre-med classes locally, worked as a CNA part-time and went back and finished the non-pre-med classes and graduated and went onto Med School. It was actually great to reduce my course load. I actually took my physics and Organic Chemistry sequence during the year off and was able to finish my non-science coursework during my senior year and finish on time.

I actually enjoyed the experience of getting away from the rat race of the pre-med crowd. As long as she completes the pre-req's (and she can do them anywhere), she is good to go. She doesn't need to be a hard science major. I actually majored in Psychology, which was a nice balance. I enjoyed those classes, but trying to do the science stuff simultaneously was difficult to balance.

Also, my CNA experience was helpful in getting into med school, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

College was fun but not the best years of my life. I never felt like I found my crew. I had lots of friends and no shortage of people to go out and party with, but I didn't feel truly close to many of them. My evenings were always full, but I often ate meals and hung around during the day by myself. My friends all had a lot more money than me too, so they went on trips and studied abroad and didn't have to work when I did. After college I got much closer to college friends who ended up in this area. My mid-20s were probably my best years. I had a law firm job that paid well and required long hours, but I had no responsibilities outside of work so I also had lots of fun. I developed deeper friendships with college buddies, got to know my DH and his crew, and became close with coworkers. Basically I was young in a fun city with money in my pocket and time to kill.

[Anonymous]

OP see if you can talk to DD while she is home on break to see what she is really felling. Suggesting she talk to the school counseling service can help. Is she in any clubs or activities? Does she have any real friends there at college? What is she doing with her time - if she's studying most of it then she won't be happy all the time but if she's working towards her goal of med. school she may have to trade off complete happiness for that goal. It might also help to let her know that really NO ONE is happy 100% of the time!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people who say the college years were the best years. It makes me think they didn't do their 20s right.

For me, the years after finishing school were amazing - no mortgages, no heavy responsibilities besides paying rent (and maybe student loans for some of us). A couple people got married, but for the most part, we were working, but playing hard because there was no homework.

Ha! I guess my problem was spending my 20s getting a PhD.

[Anonymous]

NO OP. Worst time of my life. High school was the best time of my life. For college, I had no money so I commuted to local university and took 2 public buses each way. Gained weight from being depressed. Escaped my midwest city after graduating to move to DC. That was the best time. The day I graduated and escaped my terrible city.

[Anonymous]

The best four years of my life were when DC was a baby and toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people who say the college years were the best years. It makes me think they didn't do their 20s right.

For me, the years after finishing school were amazing - no mortgages, no heavy responsibilities besides paying rent (and maybe student loans for some of us). A couple people got married, but for the most part, we were working, but playing hard because there was no homework.

I think you didn't do college right.

[Anonymous]

I have fond memories looking back at college, but I'd also say that I was happy about 50% of the time. I was still a high-drama teenager, and things like perceiving my friends were having fun without me rattled me then in ways they would not now. I'm glad that instagram/social media weren't things when I was in college, because I think they would have brought me down in similar ways they do your daughter.

I worked hard, was frequently stressed, and was an introvert, but I also made some lifetime friends that I still see regularly today. College can be both tough and a special time; they're not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

hrm, no. it was kind of a tough time, as i desperately wanted to be good at everything and figure out who and what I was out from under the imaginary shadow of my family. i struggled to make friends, make perfect grades, make a mark on the world. i think that learning process is tough for some people - it was for me, anyway. i had some good times. but i became much happier in law school (odd, i realize) as i let some things go, learned that i don't need to be friends with everyone, and started living a bit more in the moment. Kept aiming for those perfect grades but it no longer felt like a monumental moral failure to see a B on my transcript.

All of which is to say, i don't know what your kid needs or wants. And likely neither does she, but she has to figure it out for herself. Be loving and supportive and send her cookies (or whatever), and remind her that social media is a big, fun lie. Figuring out what she wants from the world isn't a problem, exactly, and it's certainly not a problem you can solve.

[Anonymous]

College was definitely not the best 4 years of my life. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. I didn't fit in that well and lacked confidence. I did really well in school, but I never felt comfortable socially - I hardly dated and only had a few friends. Also a SLAC. Like your DD, I would look at pictures of my HS friends partying at other schools and feel like I was missing out - I even considered transferring after my first year, although I didn't go through with it.

I'm not really sure why, but I was much happier at law school - it "clicked" with me a lot better. I had a great group of friends and we hung out all the time. I also met my husband there. Those three years were probably the best for me - I think they were what college is for a lot of other people. I think it was a combination of fitting in better and the confidence that comes with being a little older - I was kind of a late bloomer socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College was definitely not the best 4 years of my life. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. I didn't fit in that well and lacked confidence. I did really well in school, but I never felt comfortable socially - I hardly dated and only had a few friends. Also a SLAC. Like your DD, I would look at pictures of my HS friends partying at other schools and feel like I was missing out - I even considered transferring after my first year, although I didn't go through with it.

I'm not really sure why, but I was much happier at law school - it "clicked" with me a lot better. I had a great group of friends and we hung out all the time. I also met my husband there. Those three years were probably the best for me - I think they were what college is for a lot of other people. I think it was a combination of fitting in better and the confidence that comes with being a little older - I was kind of a late bloomer socially.

Other than where you were in school and what you studied, I think you are me.

Ivy undergrad - had your experience but I didn't bother to look at friends having fun elsewhere.

Grad - a miserable experience in a top PhD program, but I had an amazing circle of friends (who I still cherish 20 years later) and met my husband.

You don't need college to be the best four years - you do have to get decent grades, though. Life is long and experiences vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people who say the college years were the best years. It makes me think they didn't do their 20s right.

For me, the years after finishing school were amazing - no mortgages, no heavy responsibilities besides paying rent (and maybe student loans for some of us). A couple people got married, but for the most part, we were working, but playing hard because there was no homework.

Ha! I guess my problem was spending my 20s getting a PhD.

yeah, I did that in my 30s. We didn't "play hard" but the bonds were deep and we all have good jobs now.