Ex-wife and son are sabotaging his opportunity to attend my alma mater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

I went to "a party school" and have never had trouble finding a job that allows me to support myself. Contrary to popular belief on this board, you are not doomed to servitude unless you attend "an elite university."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

I went to "a party school" and have never had trouble finding a job that allows me to support myself. Contrary to popular belief on this board, you are not doomed to servitude unless you attend "an elite university."

NP. It's matter of degree. Your ability to "support" yourself notwithstanding, it's likely that a degree from a top university will open more doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

I went to "a party school" and have never had trouble finding a job that allows me to support myself. Contrary to popular belief on this board, you are not doomed to servitude unless you attend "an elite university."

NP. It's matter of degree. Your ability to "support" yourself notwithstanding, it's likely that a degree from a top university will open more doors.

I suppose that really depends on what your priorities are. It doesn't sound like the OP knows a damn thing about his son's priorities or abilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

I went to "a party school" and have never had trouble finding a job that allows me to support myself. Contrary to popular belief on this board, you are not doomed to servitude unless you attend "an elite university."

NP. It's matter of degree. Your ability to "support" yourself notwithstanding, it's likely that a degree from a top university will open more doors.

Let's get real. If this isn't a troll post and OP has as much juice as he claims, he can help open doors for son's post college plans. In the world of the white collar middle class professionals, how many parents help their kids get internships or jobs with their connections? So if OP is more than middle management, I'm sure he can do even more.

So let's cut to it, either you are pissed about paying the money and feeling like you don't have a big enough say or this is a referendum in your mind about how close or who is closer to your son. Because in my mind, if your son has solid educational/fit/career reasons for picking the school and the school does indeed prepare him well for what he intends to do, as long as he does well there, you can help open doors/help with internships if he wants that help, he can also go on to grad school (on his own dime) with the bigger name. Make it about your son, and not you, and see where the conversation leads. If he is worried about being in your shadow (as a PP gave that theory), find out what he wants to do with his life and encourage him to consider your alma mater if it meets what he is looking for, not cutting off his nose to spite his face. If it's not what he is looking for, don't push it. In general if you put too much pressure, some kids will run even faster away from it.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of you are deluding yourselves if you don't think attending certain schools will open more doors than others in the future. At 17 years old, he won't understand that. At 30, he will, and by then, it's too late.

If I had only known in high school that having certain schools on my resume would automatically get me an interview (if not outright hired if the President/VP/Exec went there), WITHOUT MY PARENTS HELP, I definitely would've tried a bit harder and made different decisions, instead of just going where my friends went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of you are deluding yourselves if you don't think attending certain schools will open more doors than others in the future. At 17 years old, he won't understand that. At 30, he will, and by then, it's too late.

If I had only known in high school that having certain schools on my resume would automatically get me an interview (if not outright hired if the President/VP/Exec went there), WITHOUT MY PARENTS HELP, I definitely would've tried a bit harder and made different decisions, instead of just going where my friends went.

Bingo.

Furthermore, the graduation rates of the top colleges: 90-98%. Party schools: 45-85%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

That "someone" is your CHILD. Would you be paying if they lived under your roof?

[Anonymous]

Your ex is using this as her last chance to screw you over. Could be overt, could be subconscious. The kid is just a typical manipulating teenager playing the game to get what he ultimately wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

Mentality?? Lady, try legality.

Okay, I do not understand that morality. Legal smegal. Many things are legal that are not moral or ethical.

NP here but you're missing the distinction between signing something that legally obligates you to do something vs. retaining the ability to evaluate the situation and making payments appropriate to the circumstances at the time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Has anyone considered that if the ex has to pay 1/2 the tuition and expenses that maybe she cannot afford his choice school and a state school or somewhere else is a better financial option for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone considered that if the ex has to pay 1/2 the tuition and expenses that maybe she cannot afford his choice school and a state school or somewhere else is a better financial option for her?

Why do divorced parents act like they have half a child when it comes to issues like this?