Ex-wife and son are sabotaging his opportunity to attend my alma mater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you don't have a top connection with your son.

+1 It's his life. He's an adult.

[Anonymous]

Poster---- I so feel for you!!! I think you are completely right in being upset. What 17 year old knows what's best for him. Very very few. Colleges do count- a lot- where they go can open doors. I've found this board to be pretty far left so any time you talk about any kind of upper class type stuff, you'll get shut down. That's ok- but as a corporate exec, I do consider applicants college a lot. Now, not as much as what they've done after a few years-- but starting out especially important.
So couple questions- is your wife doing this out of spite??why wouldn't she want him to go to best school he could get in?? Second question, would he do well and like it? My brother went to top school in world - now actually Oxford beat it out. But back to that, neither of his smart sons wanted to go there-- they said too nerdy. They wanted more mainstream school. So it wasn't right for them-- if though, good fit for your son, that really stinks that your wife is influencing him against going there. Shame on her. And yes, a mom child lives with can have major influence.
I so feel for you but not sure what you can do. Talk to your ex but afraid this is a side effect of divorce- your influence is greatly diluted. Talk to your son too. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

Mentality?? Lady, try legality.

[Anonymous]

Your obnoxiousness is showing, op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your obnoxiousness is showing, op

We're in Trump mode for the next 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

Mentality?? Lady, try legality.

Okay, I do not understand that morality. Legal smegal. Many things are legal that are not moral or ethical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

Maybe your kid would have faired better if you could have worked things out with his mother. Another divorce tragedy,
First a marriage, now a second generation legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

Mentality?? Lady, try legality.

Okay, I do not understand that morality. Legal smegal. Many things are legal that are not moral or ethical.

NP here but you're missing the distinction between signing something that legally obligates you to do something vs. retaining the ability to evaluate the situation and making payments appropriate to the circumstances at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

completely agree with this.17 yo needs guidance and sometimes protection from bad choices. I think it does matter where you go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

I do not understand this mentality. Education is very important and the people on this thread have the means to provide college education for their children (OP- it doesn't have to be at your alma mater). Children are not really full adults at 18. They still have quite a bit of growing up to do and need guidance. Going from child to adult isn't an on/off switch that magically happens at the 18th birthday.

completely agree with this.17 yo needs guidance and sometimes protection from bad choices. I think it does matter where you go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elite university. I have a top connection that will green light his application. He has always loved the college, told everyone he hopes he can get in, wears all the crew neck sweatshirts, summer semester, the whole nine.

For the last two months he and his mother have been flakey when I ask about college application process, letters of rec, etc. I let it go as I figured he was busy with sports, enjoying senior year. But now it's crunch time, and looking at his facebook I'm beginning to suspect he wants to follow friends to a party college, which accepts everyone, is below his stats, has a high drop out rate, questionable employment prospects. I believe his mother is stoking this to spite me and/or keep him close to home.

I'm on the hook for paying half of his college expenses. I'm also on the hook until he's 26 for various other expenses if he's not gainfully employed.

How in the world did that happen?

LMAO All these DWs clamoring for bitter ex-wives to get husbands to pay for their kids college and support. This bullshit is why I say all legal obligations end at 18. I'm not signing a damned thing that requires me to pay for someone's college.

Be careful in which state you knock someone up in then. You may not get a choice.

[Anonymous]

You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "I'm on the hook for paying for half of my son's college." He's your KID, right?! Sorry for the inconvenience of continuing to be responsible for him. Divorce doesn't change that, but somehow I think if you hadn't signed anything you wouldn't give a crap what was going on with his college now. It's just because you're on the hook and paying for it that you give a crap.

NP here but it seems reasonable for OP to want some return on his investment in the child's education (i.e. child is able to be gainfully employed after college). OP statements imply that the college being considered is only a party school and that the child will not be employable upon graduation.

Oh please. There's no such thing as a universally unemployable degree from any college. He's being a cry baby.