Do you personally know of any situation where the father was granted primary full custody?

[Anonymous]

I do know of one. The mother had mental issues and attempted suicide I believe. Other stuff as well. Dad has custody and remarried and they live as a blended family with wife's daughter and their child they had together. The dads son goes to see mom 2 weeks at summer and a couple times over the year but she lives in Illinois so it's not terribly often and it's hugely disrupting for him when he does go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but my understanding is that the mom had a lot of issues and didn't really want custody.

Yes. Friend deeply cared for her kids and stayed home with them. She had a few issues including being dumb enough to submit to a psychological exam by the father's hired gun psychiatrist who mischaracterized her so much she not only lost custody she has to have supervision to see her own kids twice a week for a few hours. She can't even drive over the state line like to take the kids on a beach vacation or something. She got totally totally screwed.
While she was useful to stay home and card for the kids he had her doing that (and she was s great mom). When he disagreed about their schooling and wanted to take up with his new girlfriend he used his family's money to totally screw her and take the kids. The kids spend most of their time with his horrible and old parents now.

Another warring couple we know the dads money simply outlasted the moms and also he took the kids on vacation to another state (California) where his parents lived, filed some kind of custody order there and won and they never came back. Mom got tired of fighting and ran out of money most likely. Again - kids are with grandparents most of the time now.

Divorce can be a horrible horrible thing.

Make sure you have a very competent attorney who takes this stuff seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Yes but watch an unscrupulous attorney work really hard to portray a mom as mentally ill. If she's not up for the fight she can definitely lose.
Most people have some issue in their closet or out in the open that can be exploited by the right person. If ex to be is vengeful I'd hire a very thorough attorney and not be trying for mediation or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My friend lost custody to her ex. He could afford a good lawyer and she could not. She gets holidays, summers, and every other weekend. The judge basically decided he had more money and more extended family and that meant he could provide a better lifestyle.

I'm surprised this worked. My ex tried this argument and it failed. I got primary custody, and was allowed to move to another state.

[Anonymous]

If you're poor and the other is rich;
If you've got issues, even if they don't affect the kids;
If you're not that bright and fail to be vigilant,

The consequences can be disastrous.

[Anonymous]

yes, my first cousin had full custody of his 2 boys when wife just up and left.
This was years ago and we still don't know why the hell she just left. So her choice.

Second story was a very well to do attorney whose wife became emotionally and psychologically unstable when her kids were toddlers. Subtle at first but resulted in full on debilitating, in-patient situation by the time the kids were school aged. She stabilized with serious medical intervention but then left her husband. No way was he going to let her have full custody with her history. Courts agreed.

Another cousin...his teenagers chose to live with him and his second wife. First wife was a great mom (and a friend of mine) but her life became a little chaotic after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. In California. Wife was abusive to the husband, and mentally unfit.

[Anonymous]

Yes but watch an unscrupulous attorney work really hard to portray a mom as mentally ill. If she's not up for the fight she can definitely lose.
Most people have some issue in their closet or out in the open that can be exploited by the right person. If ex to be is vengeful I'd hire a very thorough attorney and not be trying for mediation or anything like that.

And watch a competent attorney merely present real documentation of, real testimony to, a man or woman being goofy as hell. Everyone's got history, but if we had divorced, I would have pushed for full custody. Not to punish my wife, but to keep our daughter safe when my wife was manic or deeply depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Yes but watch an unscrupulous attorney work really hard to portray a mom as mentally ill. If she's not up for the fight she can definitely lose.
Most people have some issue in their closet or out in the open that can be exploited by the right person. If ex to be is vengeful I'd hire a very thorough attorney and not be trying for mediation or anything like that.

PP divorce lawyer here. It is not the unscrupulousness of dad's lawyer that matters in cases of false accusations. It is the second factor you mentioned: whether or not mom is up for the fight. I have seen women have breakdowns when called upon to fight for their children or refuse to take good advice, thinking that if they put up less of a fight, dad will remember he loves mom again. And then when it is too late, mom realizes dad wasn't kidding and is going all the way with his bid for full custody. If OP wisens up and fights for her kids, the most dad will get is 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Yes but watch an unscrupulous attorney work really hard to portray a mom as mentally ill. If she's not up for the fight she can definitely lose.
Most people have some issue in their closet or out in the open that can be exploited by the right person. If ex to be is vengeful I'd hire a very thorough attorney and not be trying for mediation or anything like that.

PP divorce lawyer here. It is not the unscrupulousness of dad's lawyer that matters in cases of false accusations. It is the second factor you mentioned: whether or not mom is up for the fight. I have seen women have breakdowns when called upon to fight for their children or refuse to take good advice, thinking that if they put up less of a fight, dad will remember he loves mom again. And then when it is too late, mom realizes dad wasn't kidding and is going all the way with his bid for full custody. If OP wisens up and fights for her kids, the most dad will get is 50/50.

Sadly, such fights take not just spine but money.

[Anonymous]

Yes. The wife moved out of state, she sees the child for holidays only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. The wife moved out of state, she sees the child for holidays only.

Forgot to mention the dad makes $400k and at the time the mom made $80.

[Anonymous]

Yes - mom is a drug addict and in and out of jail.

[Anonymous]

Joint custody is likely what will result.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My dad got full custody of me. My mom was an alcoholic. She fought it, but didn't get any time- not even supervised. At some point during their divorce proceedings, the court advocate asked me if I wanted to stay with my mom ever. I'm sure I said no. When I was 16 and could drive, I started having coffee with her once a week or so, no court involvement.

My brother recently got full custody of his kids. Originally, they had 50-50 but his younger daughter (with special needs) was coming to school with obvious signs of neglect after staying with mom. My brother went back to court with all the documentation and now she only has supervised visitation.