Do you personally know of any situation where the father was granted primary full custody?

[Anonymous]

I know of a caw where the father kept the mother in court for 15 years out of spite despite the fact that she had sole custody of the children.

It is a form of abuse and the children suffered horribly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I make under $45k and my ex makes over $120k. We split custody of the kids. They are mostly with my ex during the week but as much as it hurts and I have tremendous pain I'm mostly okay with it because he has more funds for them and a much nicer house. I get sad when I think about the kids in my tiny apartment. I also think that if he ever remarries or meets someone the kids are his priority and are benefiting from him financially as opposed to me just getting a tiny amount of child support from him. FWIW I was a SAHM for 7 years and removed from my career for that time. When I went back to work I was making barely anything.

The situation sucks on so many levels but I think ultimately it is best for the kids.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. My heart hurts for you. ((Hug))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for examples where the father was granted primary custody.

I aupaired for a family where the father had primary custody for his three children (then 8 - 12, youngest was around 3 or 4 when they divorced) from his first marriage. Mom saw them twice a year (Thanksgiving or Christmas & a few weeks in summer). Dad and stepmom both worked full time.
However, there was alcoholism involved, which I only learned later. Children stayed with maternal uncle or maternal grandparents when they "visited mom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STBX and I are battling over the kids. He is going for full custody and he seems to truly believe he will get it. I am looking for examples where the father was granted primary custody. I don't believe there's a snowball's chance in Hell that he will get what he wants, but it still scares me to think there's a remote possibility this could happen.

OP, why do you think you are more entitled to the primary physical. Times are changing; men should and get custody when it's warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I make under $45k and my ex makes over $120k. We split custody of the kids. They are mostly with my ex during the week but as much as it hurts and I have tremendous pain I'm mostly okay with it because he has more funds for them and a much nicer house. I get sad when I think about the kids in my tiny apartment. I also think that if he ever remarries or meets someone the kids are his priority and are benefiting from him financially as opposed to me just getting a tiny amount of child support from him. FWIW I was a SAHM for 7 years and removed from my career for that time. When I went back to work I was making barely anything.

The situation sucks on so many levels but I think ultimately it is best for the kids.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. My heart hurts for you. ((Hug))

I'm in a similar financial situation. I live in a little apt with a crap neighborhood, but I'm also the parent who helps my very social daughter maintain friendships, and takes her swimming, and birdwatches with her. She's with me 50% of the time, and I actually think it's to her benefit to ride the bus, know what it's like to have less and interact with other people who have less. I do think it's admirable to put your kids first, and I respect you for that top poster, but don't sell yourself short. You can make a good life for your kids even when you're broke.

[Anonymous]

My parents split back in 1992, I was 12. My dad became our main custodial parent. Mom rarely used her visitation days. Looking back my mom was just spent. 4 kids on her own (my dad was big law, and was simply never home). Compound that with mental health issues and you've got a recipient for dad custody.

[Anonymous]

I'm the SM in a situation where my husband was given full primary custody of my stepson. He sees his mom every other weekend (that's what she ok'd). He's now 8 and he's lived with us since he was 5.

My husband provided a more stable environment.

[Anonymous]

My mom's cousin had primary custody of his daughter. The mother is mentally ill and disappeared for long stretches. However, it was a battle for him despite the mother being obviously unfit. The daughter testified in court that she wanted to live with her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce attorney here in VA. It's still fairly rare for the Dad to get primary physical, but yes it definitely happens and is happening more as the bench gets younger so the judges don't have the same biases as the older judges did.

This is the breakdown:

Mom as legit primary caregiver (not just a lot of complaining about being default parent): she's going to get primary physical and dad gets every other weekend.

Mom/Dad both involved, even if mom's doing more: 50/50 or 60/40 split.

Dad more involved and something wrong with mom: dad gets primary

+1. My step dad got primary physical custody of my half sister. My mom got every other weekend, but rarely took that opportunity. Mom has mental health issues, lots of them. So her Dad getting custody was for the best interest of everyone. Have a close relationship with my sister despite all that.

[Anonymous]

YES - mother is/was addicted to pills and alcohol and suffered from various mental illnesses. She has supervised visits.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my brother has full custody of his son.

[Anonymous]

Yes, father granted custody of 5 daughters. He was not the one wanting the divorce. She tried her hardest to get him to move out of the house. He dug-in his heels and wouldn't leave. Very important smart move. She was PTA mom extraordinaire, very involved, very visible around school/community. She seemed like a very good mother. But frankly I was glad he got custody because it was her with the wish to break-up the family.

[Anonymous]

My DH had primary physical and joint legal of my stepson from age 11 up. Mom wasn't abusive, just really struggling to make parenting work.

A friend has primary physical and sole legal of his daughter age 12 from the time she was three. That mom struggled with depression. She's benefit from prioritizing her mental health. She came to mom-related events, but otherwise we see the dad at everything.

[Anonymous]

My sister in law gave up custody of 3 kids with two different men essentially because she didn't want them to interfere with her social life and ability to move wherever she wanted. She now has a fourth kid with a third dude and I think she is keeping this one (she has no relationship with the other three kids).

[Anonymous]

When I was a teenager (20 years ago?) I knew a kid whose mom was alcoholic and he'd testified he didn't want to live with her. More recently my sister in law's brother got custody about 10 years ago. Mom was given custody and my SIl's parents spent every penny they could to fight that - they say the mother was living in a motel room with her boyfriend and the grandson and not sending him to school. He was about 10 at the time.