Vegetarians who act like " victims "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With thanksgiving approaching - this reminds me. I have a relative, she's a single middle aged woman, and she always makes a big production out of coming for thanksgiving. I hate the way she feels entitled and had to make constant comments about how she doesn't eat meat. I don't think of thanksgiving as a carnivores holiday. Please. There are lots of options. Last holiday she asked my sister in law to prepare a fish dish. Sister in law refused and a fight ensued.
Relative feels SiL is not being a good host and should make a special dish. I say - there's plenty else to eat and if it's a real issue bring a small dish of your own or eat beforehand. Fact of the matter is - I actually don't enjoy turkey and usually end up eating lots of salad and veggies and the cheeses and breads. It's not like anyone is going to starve at a thanksgiving meal.
This same relative refused to join us for a family dinner because we chose Capital Grille. She made a big fuss out of how "I can't go to a place like that - I don't eat meat!!" Meanwhile they have plenty of fish on the menu - which she does eat! Yet she had no problem coming along when we had dinner at Four Seasons last year and that restaurant is similar to Capital Grille.
Anyone else feel that vegetarians just like to call attention to themselves and be difficult.

Husband can be like this. Nothing like our three kids calling him out on it

My family is on the West Coast and his is pretty lax at letting people know what they are doing, so it's usually just us 5 for Thanksgiving. He makes a veggie dish, I order a turkey from Harry & David, and that's that. I would love to go out for the meal but he gets all "there will be nothing for me to eat!" At a buffet? Pulleeze. I am a vegetarian as well, and I just make do with side dishes. Quite happily, I might add.

So yes, some do just act like victims. Ignore her rantings and have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes I guess this is a vent. Not trying to label all vegetarians. Just wonder if anyone else knows someone with similar behavior to this.

If she eats fish, she is not a vegetarian.

That said, I provide alternatives for those that do not like turkey. When I host, I ask people what their food preferences and food restrictions are and make sure everyone has a decent meal. Thanksgiving is the top of the food holidays in my book and everyone should be able to have a full plate of what they like and not just "make do".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she does often clarify and say pescatarian. I think she says vegetarian initially because it's easier.
Funny thing is that I don't like meat but love fish. I avoid meat and will always choose seafood or vegetable dish at restaurants. And don't ever cook meat at home. But I don't label myself as anything. It's just a personal taste preference. Guess I'm just venting because she is a slightly annoying person who likes to be the center of attention. This is another way she gets attention.

Then your issue is with her, but you were obnoxious in claiming it's "vegetarians who act like victims."

Vegetarians and pescatarians are still in the minority, and most have gotten their share of nastiness from others.

I'm the one who wrote I don't expect people to make things for me, but I will say I don't feel included at events at my inlaws. I used to bring a vegetarian protein dish, but they were rude about that. It's almost like they were offended. Meanwhile, they put meat in everything -- bacon in the salad, ham in the mac and cheese. It would be nice if just once they'd just leave ham out of the mac and cheese. Or if they'd be less nasty if I offer to bring a dish. But I don't say anything to them about it because I suspect they'd be like you and accuse me of acting like a victim or making a fuss. So I say nothing.

Yes! I can so relate. My mil even gets offended if I bring fruit salad.

[Anonymous]

Your post should be titled 'vegetarian relative is inconveniencing me - what should I do' instead of the troll-y vegetarians are victims nonsense.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was a vegetarian for 25 years before I started eating fish again (health issues), and I will vouch that this woman is just being a PITA.

[Anonymous]

I like to think I'm a nonPITA vegetarian. I ask to or bring a dish. I shut up and eat salad of it's my only option. The one thing I do is ask how certain things are made... is there bacon in the brussels sprouts? Chicken stock in the stuffing? I ask quickly at the beginning and don't bring it up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:39 here. I should add that I don't go around lecturing people about what they eat or seeking attention about what I eat. But if I'm somewhere, I will ask people what is in dishes. And that is how most people know that I don't eat red meat, poultry, lamb, rabbit, deer, or pork (most types of meat). It's amazing how nasty people can get, though, if they find out I don't eat these things. I almost avoid/hide it because I don't need yet another person to say in a nasty tone, "it's not a meal unless there's meat!" So for every rude vegetarian/pescatarian, there's at least 4 rude carnivores.

I never expect people to make special dishes for me. For holidays, I eat before we go to inlaws.

Agree 1000% that there are carnivores who get super aggressive when they find out I'm vegetarian. It's really strange. I don't care what they eat; why should they care so much what I eat?

I'm the PP you are responding to. It's bizarre, isn't it? I say very little to people about why I don't eat certain things. But they get very aggressive if I won't eat meat. They go out of their way to make a point about eating meat or they go on a tirade about their friend or relative who doesn't eat meat and looks unhealthy or is infertile and they're certain it's because she doesn't meat! It's absolutely ridiculous.

I have no doubt there are some obnoxious vegetarians out there, but I think the obnoxious carnivores far outnumber the obnoxious vegetarians (and disproportionately so -- meaning, it's not just because there are more of them).

Personally, I think it's because they get defensive. They assume because you don't eat meat that you are making a moral or ethical judgment about what they eat. Frankly, I think the really nasty ones are the ones who also feel defensive because they haven't really ever thought about eating or food as an ethical choice -- and they don't want to. And even if you don't lecture them or tell them why you don't eat meat, your presence makes them think about something they'd rather not think about (i.e., where their food comes from).

[Anonymous]

11:18 here again.

I actually think it's similar to what happens if you are out with people and everyone eats a decadent dessert, but you eat fruit. And then they all get kind of weird.

Humans need to have their choices validated by others. When one or a few people abstain from something the others are doing and the reason for abstaining has an ethical dimension to it, people get mean and defensive. They can't just live and let live. So they either act outwardly aggressive toward you or they just kind of ignore you.

And so you'll have relatives or friends who years and years and years know you don't eat certain things but almost seem to go out of their way NOT to accommodate you. It's because they don't want to acknowledge your choices.

Or they accommodate you but go out of their way to make snide comments in order to minimize you, to make you the pariah, to suggest your choices are a burden and annoyance and therefore they somehow gain back the ethical high ground.

The worst variety is the type who puts a LOT of pressure on your to actually eat meat. "What, your not going to eat Turkey on Thanksgiving?"

I think that some vegetarians respond to all of the above nastiness by being obnoxious in their own way and aggressive themselves.

[Anonymous]

^^^ you're, not your. Sorry. typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:18 here again.

I actually think it's similar to what happens if you are out with people and everyone eats a decadent dessert, but you eat fruit. And then they all get kind of weird.

Humans need to have their choices validated by others. When one or a few people abstain from something the others are doing and the reason for abstaining has an ethical dimension to it, people get mean and defensive. They can't just live and let live. So they either act outwardly aggressive toward you or they just kind of ignore you.

And so you'll have relatives or friends who years and years and years know you don't eat certain things but almost seem to go out of their way NOT to accommodate you. It's because they don't want to acknowledge your choices.

Or they accommodate you but go out of their way to make snide comments in order to minimize you, to make you the pariah, to suggest your choices are a burden and annoyance and therefore they somehow gain back the ethical high ground.

The worst variety is the type who puts a LOT of pressure on your to actually eat meat. "What, your not going to eat Turkey on Thanksgiving?"

I think that some vegetarians respond to all of the above nastiness by being obnoxious in their own way and aggressive themselves.

This is like pot calling the kettle black? Isn't it? You wrote that people need to have their choices validated, no matter what they choose to eat? Doesn't that apply to you as well, in which case you point out that some vegetarians respond by being aggressive themselves? That reads to me, that you are that aggressive vegetarian. I never bring up what I eat and don't eat, and there are plenty of things I don't eat even though I am a carnivore. So, I don't really see the point of your post other than to point out, that yes, many vegetarians are aggressive and needy and attention seeking. I assure you that majority of meat eaters, rarely, if ever, give another thought to vegetarians unless vegetarians bring it up. I've never been invited to dinner and said, "I eat meat," even if I am invited by vegetarians, but somehow the opposite is not the case, is it?

[Anonymous]

Q: How can you tell someone is a vegetarian?

A: Don't worry, they'll let you know!