Did anyone ever marry you/others felt was not an intellectual equal? How did it turn out?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My brothers were sure I'd never get married because men don't want women who are smarter than them. I went to a state university but majored in a highly intellectual subject. I can learn foreign languages quite easily (I speak 7 and can read/write in 2 'dead' languages) and scored in the 99% percentile. I'm also extremely good in high pressure situations, quick on my feet and adaptable. I was never 'trophy wife' material - definitely not attractive enough. Not ugly, just not ever turning heads.
My DH went to low regarded state college and it took him 6 years to graduate. He bounced from job to job, never really liking it. He is nowhere near my intellectual equal and his processing speed is pretty low. He usually lets me do the talking in any kind of business /school environment. Yet, he's not dumb. It may take him a while but he gets things and makes some connections that I don't. When he's interested in something (and his interests can jump), he can quickly become expert in it. He isn't in the least intimidated by me. He LIKES that I'm smart. He knows he's got some excellent qualities that are deserving of respect and appreciation. He's comfortable with who he is. We've got 3 kids and have been married 20 years. We've had some rough spots but never because of differing intellect. We've got a lot of other things in common. |
Anonymous
This made me feel sad for you, pp. Why are you putting up with this? |
Anonymous
No. It just sounds really boring. Maybe you are really boring and it's not that people can't talk to your level, they just don't want to carry on a conversation on with you because it's painfully droll. |
. Compared to my spouse, I have much better people skills, negotiating skills, listening skills, and frankly more common sense when it comes to navigating workplace politics. The inability to do those things well will always hold my husband back in his career, even though he may be the smartest person in his workplace! 
Anonymous
| I'd love getting coffee with you Ms. Brit lit, philosophy and foreign film chick. To each their own interest. You don't sound elitist at all. |
Anonymous
| I did marry an intellectual equal. He's intelligent, social and successful. I went to Harvard and was considered very attractive back in the day. I had tons of suitors. From a third party perspective, we probably have an ideal life. Behind closed doors, our marriage is dead. I sometimes daydream about running away with a hot firefighter who makes me laugh. DH never makes me laugh. He doesn't even make me smile. |
Anonymous
| I married up. She's smarter, went to better schools, etc. I'm not so bright. It was a rare chance for me to have smarter kids, and I jumped on it. So far, after two kids, it's working out OK overall. |
Anonymous
|
I typically date guys who are very smart and intellectual. But I do have a real appreciation for guys with street smarts, who can fix or build things. When I meet or date those guys, I don't mind that our interests aren't 100% aligned. I see the value in what they are bringing to the table.
There is value in a person who is cerebral and thinks about deep stuff, but there is also value in a person who is competent and able to get sh*t done. And sometimes if you're lucky, you can get both in the same person. |
Anonymous
|
Before I met my wife I dated a bunch of very attractive women who, while well educated, were not intellectually curious. You could tell they weren't keeping up with world events or had much of an interest in much beyond their own small worlds. They were very nice and fun to be with but something was missing. Then along came my wife who had everything they had plus major league intellectual horsepower. I find real smarts to be very sexy and she had real smarts. She is more than my equal in this area (she married down!) and after 38 years of marriage I still find her smarts to be sexy...along with the rest of her.
But that doesn't mean that people need to be intellectually equal to have a good relationship. There is so much more to a relationship than intellectual compatibility. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Intelligence is a "part of the package" and if you really like the package than why worry? |
Anonymous
That is so sad. I wish I was a firefighter! Good luck as I'm sure you are trying to figure out what path to take. |
Anonymous
I am extremely jealous. I've been working on a second language for years and years now, and it's so hard for me. That is such an awesome skill to have! |
Anonymous
|
Me: went to so so state school for my undergrad (solid business degree), great state school for my MBA, speak three languages, really good at one difficult sport requiring lots of skill and practice, turn heads with men, moderate type-A, easy going, make ~100K.
SO: went to great private school (useless save the world degree), Ivy for his MBA, speaks another language with difficulty, older than me by 10 years, can't play a sport worth of s***, extreme type-A, serious all the time unless he is around me, makes 250K. Is he my intellectual equal?....AbsoF*****lutely....the man is an awe of me--being 10 years younger does help  --and we have an awesome healthy relationship based on respect and trust. He makes me laugh all the time and makes me want to be a better person. I think somewhat similar educational backgrounds and similar values are more important in a relationship vs. Ivy League education.
|
Anonymous
If you have little ones, help them with their language school homework....you will be surprised how quickly you will be able to learn another language and it will be SUPER fun! |
Anonymous
| I married my intellectual equal who was not my equal in other ways. Low energy and processing speed, little ambition, lower IQ, poor organizational skills. It may have worked if he had been able to say, "you're better than me at this," and let me do the things that I could do far better. But instead it was a constant struggle with his ego wanting to be better at things, which ended with my having no respect for him and with his resentment of my being more successful and more able. |
Anonymous
| I thought my husband was in the same ballpark, but his brain has deteriorated in the past 20 years so he's now noticeably slower than I am. It's all the drinking and being in the same job, I'd imagine. |
Anonymous
|
Is take street smarts over book smarts any day.
I swear if my pedigreed, over educated spouse loses his keys, forgets the kids or avoids any more decisions/ conversations I'll really lose it! |