No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - surprise party edition

[Anonymous]

No, I would make sure the blabbermouth mouth attends and sit her as close to Mom as possible so she can listen to the stream of criticism during the party.

Another option is to let your mom know she can always request that the party be canceled (because it is no longer a suprise) and inform all the guests.

Never plan another party for your mom again, unless she is the main person involved in the planning. My mom was exactly like this and as she became older every special event was a living hell.

Not much you can do this time OP, except cancel the event entirely--since it would be super rude to change venues and cancel invites in order to afford the new mom-approved venue.

If she is anything like my mom, she will be fine in public on the day of the event because she wants to keep up appearances. Bet it will be fine that day, but know you know that planning things for her is a lost cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that we didn't know she had these very particular preferences and she found out about the party after the invitations went out and all the guests RSVP'd.

So we should really cancel all the plans, and try to change to the other venue (if they even have availability, plus its a 40 minute drive from the original venue)?

No. Have the party as planned. She's being foolish. Be careful about the advice you get on DCUM.

+1

+2. The PPs who said to change things likely didn't read your whole post. The invitations went out and people rsvped. You can't change things after that. You just can't. Imagine if you tried, if she is worri d about appearances it would look really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that we didn't know she had these very particular preferences and she found out about the party after the invitations went out and all the guests RSVP'd.

So we should really cancel all the plans, and try to change to the other venue (if they even have availability, plus its a 40 minute drive from the original venue)?

No. Have the party as planned. She's being foolish. Be careful about the advice you get on DCUM.

+1

+2. The PPs who said to change things likely didn't read your whole post. The invitations went out and people rsvped. You can't change things after that. You just can't. Imagine if you tried, if she is worri d about appearances it would look really bad.

The PPs who said to change things are as bad as OP's mom. You get what you get and you don't get upset.

[Anonymous]

OP, not everybody sees such surprises as good deeds. I remember almost missing my surprise party, because I didn't expect it and had a pretty long night on the town. My bf had to literally drag me to his place, and I was like Oh NO! Not a freaking party. It was awful LOL

[Anonymous]

Is your mom Hyacinth Bucket? From Keeping Up Appearances? What a funny show, and sounds like you are facing the same drama. I am sorry you are having this trouble. I have a difficult mom too, in a different way, so I can sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not everybody sees such surprises as good deeds. I remember almost missing my surprise party, because I didn't expect it and had a pretty long night on the town. My bf had to literally drag me to his place, and I was like Oh NO! Not a freaking party. It was awful LOL

But Op's mum specifically said she'd like a surprise party

[Anonymous]

Cancel everything. This is what I did for my sister when she acted the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel everything. This is what I did for my sister when she acted the same way.

Did that piss her off even more?

[Anonymous]

Let no good deed go unpunished. I'd tell her that if she is so bothered by it that she doesn't have to attend. I'd rather come up with a clever way of explaining why she couldn't make her own party than have to deal with the whining!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, not everybody sees such surprises as good deeds. I remember almost missing my surprise party, because I didn't expect it and had a pretty long night on the town. My bf had to literally drag me to his place, and I was like Oh NO! Not a freaking party. It was awful LOL

But Op's mum specifically said she'd like a surprise party

You can't want a surprise party, because it's not a surprise anymore. OP's mom wants a party. So do what she wants, or don't do anything at all. I mean it sucks the surprise was ruined, and your response will depend on how vindictive you are. Being a bitch that I am, I'd freaking cancel "because Larla ruined the effing surprise." But many better people would take the high road

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, not everybody sees such surprises as good deeds. I remember almost missing my surprise party, because I didn't expect it and had a pretty long night on the town. My bf had to literally drag me to his place, and I was like Oh NO! Not a freaking party. It was awful LOL

But Op's mum specifically said she'd like a surprise party

You can't want a surprise party, because it's not a surprise anymore. OP's mom wants a party. So do what she wants, or don't do anything at all. I mean it sucks the surprise was ruined, and your response will depend on how vindictive you are. Being a bitch that I am, I'd freaking cancel "because Larla ruined the effing surprise." But many better people would take the high road

Huh, what? That doesn't make any sense. I doubt OP's mom said specifically that she wanted a surprise party for her 70th birthday. She probably said that she liked the idea of a surprise party in general. So the OP and her dad organized one for her, and now she's being a brat because it's not exactly what the wants, and demanding things that they can't afford.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a lot like yours so I sympathize. I wouldn't have planned a surprise for her in the first place, knowing how picky and critical she can be. But you live and you learn. So I think all you can do is leave it as is and your mom will have k get over it. I'm sorry she's not appreciating the thought and work you put into it!

[Anonymous]

So, a 70 year old woman is supposed to be HAPPY and THRILLED that you're throwing a party for her at a restaurant she doesn't want to go to, and not listening to any of her other preferences?

Is this a party for your mother, or for you, OP? Or is it just some huge passive aggressive "payback" by you to your mother?

You sound like you don't really like her. In fact, you sound like you hate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a lot like yours so I sympathize. I wouldn't have planned a surprise for her in the first place, knowing how picky and critical she can be. But you live and you learn. So I think all you can do is leave it as is and your mom will have k get over it. I'm sorry she's not appreciating the thought and work you put into it!

I completely agree. Screw the old lady and what she wants on her 70th birthday. She'll just have to take whatever she's given. After all, it's only her birthday party, intended for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a lot like yours so I sympathize. I wouldn't have planned a surprise for her in the first place, knowing how picky and critical she can be. But you live and you learn. So I think all you can do is leave it as is and your mom will have k get over it. I'm sorry she's not appreciating the thought and work you put into it!

I completely agree. Screw the old lady and what she wants on her 70th birthday. She'll just have to take whatever she's given. After all, it's only her birthday party, intended for her.

That's ... an interesting take on the concept of "gift" and the gracious acceptance thereof, but okay.