Angry Straight Spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I'd out him, either. It's his cheating that's reprehensible, not who he cheated with.

Agree, but it's worse that it was with a man. Definitely tells friends and family if it will make you feel better.

Why is it worse?! Man, woman, it doesn't matter. If you can't commit to one person, OR you both can't come to an agreement re: open marriage, then you don't marry. Regardless of whether a man is married to a woman or a man.

I would honestly have an open marriage if DH wanted to spend time with a male friend if he was bi.
If he didn't come home I'd be upset, but if he did and we still had what we had going before if be good with it.

With a woman - no. Another woman would want the whole long term relationship thing and it would be awful to me as I guess the sex is the same with a woman mostly, but two guys is a whole different thing so it would be ok.

You know 2 men can want a long term relationship too right? same road different players

I disagree.

Men are much cooler about just being a "side piece." They aren't usually under the delusion someone is going to leave their wife and kids for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I'd out him, either. It's his cheating that's reprehensible, not who he cheated with.

Agree, but it's worse that it was with a man. Definitely tells friends and family if it will make you feel better.

Why is that worse? Because being gay is a worse sin than adultry?

NP here. It is worse b/c he took advantage of his wife and played her for a fool. While this is always the case when someone cheats, it is worse b/c he would blatantly tell her he was going away with his HS friend knowing full well OP would never suspect anything. That is way worse to me than sneaking around behind her back. We all know that if he were cheating with a woman he would never have told his wife about late nights and weekend getaways. He used that fact that he was cheating with a man to get away with it right in front of her face. He didn't even have the decency to try and hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I'd out him, either. It's his cheating that's reprehensible, not who he cheated with.

Agree, but it's worse that it was with a man. Definitely tells friends and family if it will make you feel better.

Why is it worse?! Man, woman, it doesn't matter. If you can't commit to one person, OR you both can't come to an agreement re: open marriage, then you don't marry. Regardless of whether a man is married to a woman or a man.

It is a double lie. Had affairs and lied about being straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago I learned that my DH was bi and had been having a gay affair with a high school buddy for the entire 30 years of our marriage. He also had a few affairs with female coworkers. Because I had no idea he was bi, he carried out the gay affair right in front of my face. They took lots of out of town buddy trips and on and on. I am furious and feel I have had 30 years stolen from me. I am of course divorcing him and after the settlement is safely signed, plan to out him royally. Given his lies and despicable cheating ... does he deserve my silence and protection of his image as a straight man?!

Hi OP : I went through this recently - it's the worst experience. With time it will get better. Moving forward - be judicious about who you tell. This for your benefit and not his. You have to think about the future now and not the past.
Again, few people realize what a mind fuck this is. Sorry this happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I'd out him, either. It's his cheating that's reprehensible, not who he cheated with.

Agree, but it's worse that it was with a man. Definitely tells friends and family if it will make you feel better.

Why is that worse? Because being gay is a worse sin than adultry?

NP here. It is worse b/c he took advantage of his wife and played her for a fool. While this is always the case when someone cheats, it is worse b/c he would blatantly tell her he was going away with his HS friend knowing full well OP would never suspect anything. That is way worse to me than sneaking around behind her back. We all know that if he were cheating with a woman he would never have told his wife about late nights and weekend getaways. He used that fact that he was cheating with a man to get away with it right in front of her face. He didn't even have the decency to try and hide it.

OP here. Yes, this is what makes it worse, I believe. We had a good marriage and were very happy. Husband had this good friend who he spent lots of time with and with whom he traveled out of town frequently on "buddy trips" about 3 times a year. Weekend get togethers. Daily phone convos. Why did I not suspect? Because I was loving and trusting. My husband had every right to have a buddy just as I have friends. He used my trust to fuck me over repeatedly for 30 years. He had this guy over for dinner and allowed me to run around cooking, cleaning and playing hostess to the two of them while they smugly sat there and let me. I sent sincere and thoughtful condolence cards to the other guy when each of his parents died. And on and on. Cheating is always hideous, but the "open" nature of this cheating right in front of my face is even MORE disrespectful. No doubt a good bit of my rage is directed at myself for not seeing it. But I really don't walk around questioning others sexual orientation just because they have close same sex friends and I still do not. My husband is an asshole because he is an asshole, not because he is bisexual. I am very clear on that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am of course divorcing him and after the settlement is safely signed, plan to out him royally. Given his lies and despicable cheating ... does he deserve my silence and protection of his image as a straight man?!

You'll be paying him and his lawyer for the rest of your life.

You just admitted to premeditated breach of contract, and put it on the internet for the entire world to see. His attorney WILL find this post during discovery, too. They find EVERYTHING.

So think about the idea of a portion of your paycheck, your 401K, your retirement, your SS, going to him and his buddy, every month, FOREVER, until you or he dies.

Still think outing him and breaching contract is worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am of course divorcing him and after the settlement is safely signed, plan to out him royally. Given his lies and despicable cheating ... does he deserve my silence and protection of his image as a straight man?!

You'll be paying him and his lawyer for the rest of your life.

You just admitted to premeditated breach of contract, and put it on the internet for the entire world to see. His attorney WILL find this post during discovery, too. They find EVERYTHING.

So think about the idea of a portion of your paycheck, your 401K, your retirement, your SS, going to him and his buddy, every month, FOREVER, until you or he dies.

Still think outing him and breaching contract is worth it?

Six month old post, pp. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

That malevolently outing someone is crass and boorish, and might also be very expensive

[Anonymous]

You don't owe him anything.

[Anonymous]

Get tested for STDs high rates amount the gays

[Anonymous]

"the gays"?

[Anonymous]

How would outing him be a breach of contract? Are you suggesting that would be written into the settlement?? I HIGHLY doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That malevolently outing someone is crass and boorish, and might also be very expensive

Being a cheating lying POS is beyond any of that, but that's not an issue for you is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That malevolently outing someone is crass and boorish, and might also be very expensive

Being a cheating lying POS is beyond any of that, but that's not an issue for you is it.

+1

RN here that volunteers at a free clinic a few times a year, doing STD/HIV testing for predominantly gay men.

Gay men have more partners in a year than you'd think possible. It's jaw dropping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That malevolently outing someone is crass and boorish, and might also be very expensive

Being a cheating lying POS is beyond any of that, but that's not an issue for you is it.

No, it isn't.