How to talk DW into adoption so she stays hot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on the off chance that this isn't a troll (which makes me shudder to think), OP you should save all that money adoption would cost you and invest it in a good therapist for you, a divorce lawyer for your wife and a vasectomy for the sake of humankind.

Your lack of introspection is astounding. There are dozens upon dozens of threads on this forum of people whose relationships suffer because they stop being attracted to each other, and those threads are full of sympathetic replies. I see a way to avoid that future, at essentially zero cost since we'd still get to raise and love a kid together, and you think I need therapy and divorce and I'm terrible. Try thinking things through a bit more.

Here's what's gonna happen:

- with time, your wife will gain weight like everyone else, and you'll kick yourself
- if you adopt, every time the kid does something you dislike, you'll kick yourself and cling to a delusion that your blood kid would have never done that
- you will see easy love and affection between biological parents and children, and secretly kick yourself wishing you'd done that
- you will always wonder what it's like to have a blood child
- eventually, your wife will get upset with you because everyone does, and may tell the child that you only adopted him or her because daddy didn't want me to get pregnant and fat - because kids never stop asking why
- your wife will stay hot but you will eventually stop being attracted to her because everything grows old, even a ten, if you screw them every night.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the same dude who posted a couple of weeks ago about making sure his (future) wife will remain up for all kinds of sex. I don't think he received much by way of advice, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on the off chance that this isn't a troll (which makes me shudder to think), OP you should save all that money adoption would cost you and invest it in a good therapist for you, a divorce lawyer for your wife and a vasectomy for the sake of humankind.

Your lack of introspection is astounding. There are dozens upon dozens of threads on this forum of people whose relationships suffer because they stop being attracted to each other, and those threads are full of sympathetic replies. I see a way to avoid that future, at essentially zero cost since we'd still get to raise and love a kid together, and you think I need therapy and divorce and I'm terrible. Try thinking things through a bit more.

If you measure your life by DCUM standards you're the one who lacks introspection...

[Anonymous]

If a woman is in great shape going into a pregnancy she'll usually recover quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a total 10, but she's never had to try to maintain it before. The women in her family were all similarly attractive until they had kids and never hit the gym after that. We're about to start trying for our first, and the thought of her never looking like she does right now again scares me. How can I convince her we'd be best off adopting? We'd love the kid just the same, biological parenting isn't "better" in any way, and it'd mean a much happier life for us together.

Before you ask, I'm hitting Equinox regularly, I'm doing my part and I'm regularly getting hit on by women on the street when I go for a run shirtless. And I totally understand that she's not going to look 35 forever. But there's a big gap between the women who are still making an effort to look good at 45 and the women who aren't, and I'd prefer not to be on the wrong side of that divide.

Shallow Hal?

[Anonymous]

Are you the same troll who confessed to going to escorts? Real cute.

[Anonymous]

As much as I am sure this poster is a troll, there sadly do exist people like this. A friend's mom is very obese, and that is part of the reason they are not having children, because he doesn't like fat women. Her DH admonishes her in public for eating sweets so she doesn't end up like her mom. He did it in front of me once and I told him what an ass he was, but she doesn't think it's so bad. We are no longer friends with them since I can't stand him, but at least he isn't passing his genes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on the off chance that this isn't a troll (which makes me shudder to think), OP you should save all that money adoption would cost you and invest it in a good therapist for you, a divorce lawyer for your wife and a vasectomy for the sake of humankind.

Your lack of introspection is astounding. There are dozens upon dozens of threads on this forum of people whose relationships suffer because they stop being attracted to each other, and those threads are full of sympathetic replies. I see a way to avoid that future, at essentially zero cost since we'd still get to raise and love a kid together, and you think I need therapy and divorce and I'm terrible. Try thinking things through a bit more.

Alright OP, I'll give you a serious answer.

First of all you're smoking crack that there is 'no cost' to adoption because

1) It is freaking expensive, downpayment on a house expensive to adopt.
2) It is emotionally expensive because there is no guarantee of being chosen and there are many times the rug is pulled out from under you. Going through the adoption process is extremely trying on a marriage, minimizing this and thinking of it as an 'easy solution' to your wife getting fat shows a real ignorance of how hard it is
3) If you want a second kid, repeat 1 and 2

Additionally, carrying a child to term, being pregnant, going through that experience is VERY important to some women. As someone who struggled with infertility I went to great lengths to try to come to terms with the fact that I'd never have a baby (I ended up getting pregnant so it worked out but this was EXTREMELY difficult). I was very sad and depressed about this. And, as anyone on the infertility board can tell you, adoption (because of the reasons cited above) is not an easy or surefire solution to infertility. So you then have to come to terms with the fact that you might not have children at all. You say your wife is 35 (I think). So lets say you spend the next three years trying to adopt and it doesn't work out. All of a sudden your wife is at the tail end of her fertile years and might have a really hard time having a baby naturally. You going down this path could cost you and your wife the opportunity to be parents.

Logistically and financially this entire proposal is ludicrous. It is also, as many other PPs have pointed out, not super classy. You are assuming your wife will let herself go and assuming that if she doesn't remain a perfect 10 that your attraction to her will evaporate. My body has changed due to childbirth, but my husband now loves me even more as the mother of his children, the person who brought him this happiness. Life is a long road, and none of us look like perfect 10's after 55/60 or so. Love your wife, and don't make a major financial and familial decision based on the future tautness of her abs. If nothing else you'd be better served saving that money for plastic surgery after the fact to get everything tightened up. Guaranteed success and a lot less emotional instability.

And I feel like I need to end this with also saying that you do come across like a giant douchebag so at minimum you might need to alter your approach for when you tell your wife about this plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on the off chance that this isn't a troll (which makes me shudder to think), OP you should save all that money adoption would cost you and invest it in a good therapist for you, a divorce lawyer for your wife and a vasectomy for the sake of humankind.

Your lack of introspection is astounding. There are dozens upon dozens of threads on this forum of people whose relationships suffer because they stop being attracted to each other, and those threads are full of sympathetic replies. I see a way to avoid that future, at essentially zero cost since we'd still get to raise and love a kid together, and you think I need therapy and divorce and I'm terrible. Try thinking things through a bit more.

Here's what's gonna happen:

- with time, your wife will gain weight like everyone else, and you'll kick yourself
- if you adopt, every time the kid does something you dislike, you'll kick yourself and cling to a delusion that your blood kid would have never done that
- you will see easy love and affection between biological parents and children, and secretly kick yourself wishing you'd done that
- you will always wonder what it's like to have a blood child
- eventually, your wife will get upset with you because everyone does, and may tell the child that you only adopted him or her because daddy didn't want me to get pregnant and fat - because kids never stop asking why
- your wife will stay hot but you will eventually stop being attracted to her because everything grows old, even a ten, if you screw them every night.

PP who wrote the above. I agree with the post above, and I completely forgot about this little thing OP wants to do to his wife, deny her the experience of conceiving, carrying and delivering the baby.

OP. You're a giant little boy. Have you got any idea how primal is the urge, for most women, to conceive, carry and bring the child into the world? Our blood child, flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood? Do you have any idea how bizarre, to healthy, well-adjusted, FERTILE women is the notion of giving this up for a stupid man? A man who only wants to stay with us as long as we're skinny, and that's why he doesn't want us to have children?

I can't even. I can't imagine what I would have told my husband if he dared even utter one word to deny me my bio children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad you love her. But what if your adopted child were ugly or fat - or just didn't hit the gym regularly - what would you do then? Maybe no kids? But at least adopting would give the world the chance of ending your gene pool.

OP here. Why would I love my child any less if they weren't conventionally attractive?

Because you're an asshole, as you have roundly demonstrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad you love her. But what if your adopted child were ugly or fat - or just didn't hit the gym regularly - what would you do then? Maybe no kids? But at least adopting would give the world the chance of ending your gene pool.

OP here. Why would I love my child any less if they weren't conventionally attractive?

Because you're an asshole, as you have roundly demonstrated.

+1 and I am doubtful the OP would seriously love an adopted child as much as his bio child. It takes a person with a great heart to love an adopted child. OP is not such a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad you love her. But what if your adopted child were ugly or fat - or just didn't hit the gym regularly - what would you do then? Maybe no kids? But at least adopting would give the world the chance of ending your gene pool.

OP here. Why would I love my child any less if they weren't conventionally attractive?

Because you're an asshole, as you have roundly demonstrated.

+1 and I am doubtful the OP would seriously love an adopted child as much as his bio child. It takes a person with a great heart to love an adopted child. OP is not such a person.

I am the PP who wrote a book about how this is a terrible decision financially and emotionally but I have to admit I am troubled by the strange anti-adoption rhetoric some posters here seem to have. A child in need that you bring into your home to love and raise is your child. I think that most people would love a child they raised from childhood very deeply regardless of biological relation. Saying that 'it takes a person with a great heart to love an adopted child' seems to imply that the adopted child is less lovable. This is a very ugly sentiment. There are many families out there who would treasure the opportunity to adopt and to love a child like their own.

I know this is kind of OT (and OP is pursuing this for all the wrong reasons) but a few comments from posters about this have really bothered me. A child is a child whether they come from your womb or not.

[Anonymous]

As other have said, it has almost nothing to do w/ pregnancy. I lost all my pg weight within a year of giving birth because of breastfeeding. But over the next few years I gained 30 lbs because I was caring for small children, working full time, and not exercising. Once my kids were a little older, I had more time and have gotten back in shape. But, honestly, I believe the same thing would have happened if I'd adopted my kids. I think you should not be a father at all because you seem dense, selfish, and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a woman is in great shape going into a pregnancy she'll usually recover quickly.

Things will still be different, though. My belly is more flabby and I have stretch marks that I didn't have before. I was back to my pre pregnancy jeans within a week postpartum but I don't look exactly as I did before I had a baby. Which is fine. I'm proud that my body produced this amazing human. If OP can't get past that, he is an ass. (And yes, more likely than not is a troll.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife was hott before getting pregnant and really hott while pregnant, and now I fantasize daily about her mom bid which is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.

Finish your summer homework, Junior!