13 DS has no friends

[Anonymous]

It is called camp Pegasus, but it is a daily camp, about 2 hours away. There is another one, but that is for kids with major issues in Pennsburg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been a difficult year for my son socially. He has come to me on two occasions in the past month feeling sad about having no friends. In fact I had thought he had two close friends at school, but he confided that they aren't actually that nice to him and frequently ignore him if the other is around. He came to tears about this. He has never really made strong connections with friends. I told him he should look for some other people to hang with, but it's a small school and he feels all the kids already have their groupings. Add to this he's my oldest and has always been on the quiet side (my girls not at all), not interested in sports, and would like to play video games all day if he could. Academically he is average, but he never really puts in effort. Well done homework takes hours or he puts in little effort and is fine with mediocre grades. Teachers tell us he's a smart kids who should turn in his homework on time and he'd do better. I feel like he's eventually going to get picked on, somewhere down the line, as no one will have his back. When I suggest he join a sport or a club he shrugs it off. Ride his bike around to get to know kids around our neighborhood? He says he will when he wants to then never does. He just seems to have such little interest in much of anything unless it's video games or anything electronic.. I want to help him in so many way. I'm all out of ideas!!!

Does he have a passion? Can you help him develop one? That's what saved me, even when I had a small tribe of nerds to eat with at lunch.

Changing schools sounds like a big move, but it could help. He'd reset his standing and have the chance to be seen as someone else. Nothing wrong with who he is, it just seems that the other kids have decided on him and he'll have a hard time changing their view of him. Summer is a great time for transformation. I think we all remember someone who came back from summer way taller or with new boobs, braces, or having spent time on some life altering adventure like sleep away camp or travel. That's a powerful way to reset his standing among his peers.

[Anonymous]

For regular fun, if you can afford it, check out Camp Friendship it is in VA. I wish I sent my kids there. It is awesome for teens. I have a son like yours. He found friends at a sports camp, but I wish I sent him to these nature summer camps.

[Anonymous]

Camp Tall Timbers in West Virginia. Such a great small unpretentious camp, just plain fun with no stress, and no electronics allowed. My teen son does nothing but play video games and (occasionally) homework, but he loves this camp.

My daughter enjoyed French Woods in NY, an acting (and performing arts) camp. Who knows, that could be his thing! My daughter couldn't care less about the acting but she had fun anyway.

[Anonymous]

I recommend Camp Wabanna or Camp Letts in Edgewater, MD near Annapolis. Reasonably priced and kids make friends easily. Well trained counselors who are good at helping kids socialize.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but thanks for all the camps recommendation. Looking for one for DD nearby for next summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he get involved with an online gaming group? What games is he into?

That is not a good idea...he will become even more withdrawn.

Middle school years some of the worst. My DS had just a few friends which he managed to maintain, but he never got invited to parties and other events. That was the year of all the bar mitzvahs (we live in a very highly Jewish populated area), and he only got invited to 2, while many friends attended 6 or more. It is painful to watch, but high school will be better.

In the meantime, maybe your son could invite some boys over to play some video games. Get him the hottest new game that other boys may not have yet, and he can tell him he has it and invite them over. Feed them lots of junk food and soda.

Jesus. Trying to "buy" some friends is not going to help in the long run. MS years are difficult. He should try to be as nice and friendly to everyone, and hang in there. You could continue to push him to join a club or activity at school. I sthere a community service club? Getting out and helping others might give him some perspective, and the kids involved in CS activities are generally kind and open to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over stimulation of screen time is a danger for teenagers?

Yes...it is addicting. And whenever I let my teen have unlimited gaming time, when he is finished, he becomes a monster for the rest of the day. We have to get him outside to shake it off. Horrible stuff.

Your teenager? Or your eight year old?

[Anonymous]

What about joining the band or orchestra? Does he play an instrument?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over stimulation of screen time is a danger for teenagers?

Yes...it is addicting. And whenever I let my teen have unlimited gaming time, when he is finished, he becomes a monster for the rest of the day. We have to get him outside to shake it off. Horrible stuff.

Your teenager? Or your eight year old?

My 15 year old to be exact. Of course the moodiness could just be default for teens regardless of exposure to gaming. Either way, physical activity is the key to improving mood in a teen boy. Gaming not so much.

[Anonymous]

11:09 here. You should focus on helping him find an activity. find out about the clubs at school and see if he would like trying those. Then friendships could come out of those clubs.

[Anonymous]

Public school IS an option. Move. Give the poor kid a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks again for all the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imo sports should be mandatory. There has to be something he can do. Physical activity should be done everyday especially during the summer. Make him pick a physical activity. Swim team, tennis, karate, track, weight lifting, cross fit.

Some kids are not athletic. Find something he enjoys and sign him up for a class. My son loves science and this year he is in STEM camp.

[Anonymous]

Op, same situation with our DS years ago. We changed schools immediately after one of these emotional moments when we realized that he could not and would not be able to break into the existing groups. Best decision we and he ever made, he had a clean slate in the new school and everything changed for him. It WAS his school, really think about getting him out of there, our one regret is that we didn't do it sooner. DS is flourishing now in college and has many friends from his previous school, I wish this for your son. Make a wise choice on his behalf, it is important and there are no do overs on this.