13 DS has no friends
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Anonymous
| It's been a difficult year for my son socially. He has come to me on two occasions in the past month feeling sad about having no friends. In fact I had thought he had two close friends at school, but he confided that they aren't actually that nice to him and frequently ignore him if the other is around. He came to tears about this. He has never really made strong connections with friends. I told him he should look for some other people to hang with, but it's a small school and he feels all the kids already have their groupings. Add to this he's my oldest and has always been on the quiet side (my girls not at all), not interested in sports, and would like to play video games all day if he could. Academically he is average, but he never really puts in effort. Well done homework takes hours or he puts in little effort and is fine with mediocre grades. Teachers tell us he's a smart kids who should turn in his homework on time and he'd do better. I feel like he's eventually going to get picked on, somewhere down the line, as no one will have his back. When I suggest he join a sport or a club he shrugs it off. Ride his bike around to get to know kids around our neighborhood? He says he will when he wants to then never does. He just seems to have such little interest in much of anything unless it's video games or anything electronic.. I want to help him in so many way. I'm all out of ideas!!! |
Anonymous
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Can he go to a public high school with more groups?
Small private schools are the worst for kids who don't fit in. |
Anonymous
| Can he get involved with an online gaming group? What games is he into? |
Anonymous
That is not a good idea...he will become even more withdrawn. Middle school years some of the worst. My DS had just a few friends which he managed to maintain, but he never got invited to parties and other events. That was the year of all the bar mitzvahs (we live in a very highly Jewish populated area), and he only got invited to 2, while many friends attended 6 or more. It is painful to watch, but high school will be better. In the meantime, maybe your son could invite some boys over to play some video games. Get him the hottest new game that other boys may not have yet, and he can tell him he has it and invite them over. Feed them lots of junk food and soda. |
Anonymous
Good idea but just one friend at a time.. this will allow him to build a stronger connection without any teasing going on (between the others). |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Will you allow him to switch schools? Is he going to HS next year? It's really hard to be odd kid out at a small school.
Can he joon boy scouts? A gaming club? He also sounds depressed. Don't discount that. |
Anonymous
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First of all, I think this is a common complaint. I have this with my daughter. I mention specific kids, and she gives an excuse. Usually, it is the result of short term moodiness. Now, we do not have the small school dynamic. Instead, we have the large school anonymity problem (1.2K kids in her middle school). Assuming there is no real issue (like violent outbursts, smelling etc), the best thing to do is ask him if he wants to do an outing with a friend.
FWIW, my DD really has three friends that she trusts. |
Anonymous
| Op what about a church youth group? My 12 yo ds found some of his closest pals there |
Anonymous
I agree with this, too. OP, can you sign him up for some groups? Group piano lessons? Coding camp, since he likes video games? Band camp? School newspaper? Boy scouts, like someone else mentioned? There are informal chess clubs at many libraries that are just get-together-when-you-want on Tuesday nights, etc. It's easier to find friends when they are involved in different activities outside of school. And he really only needs one friend. |
Anonymous
| He needs to be his own savior here. He won't ride his bike around to find kids. He won't apply more effort to get better grades and admiration of other kids. He won't join what other kids are doing. Why exactly does he think other kids will want to be friends with him then? You need to be someone others want to be around if you want to be around others. That's what I'd tell him. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like he needs to develop a hobby. How about boy scouts? You must be a great Mom since he felt comfortable enough to come to you about this! |
Anonymous
| I think he needs to take charge of his own problems at bit more. But if you want to be involved, tell him he HAS to choose a new activity, be it sport, drama club, gaming group, rock climbing class, whatever. He gets to choose but you insist he goes and help him get there. |
Anonymous
| Imo sports should be mandatory. There has to be something he can do. Physical activity should be done everyday especially during the summer. Make him pick a physical activity. Swim team, tennis, karate, track, weight lifting, cross fit. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the PP about depression and would talk to your pediatrician. Also, is there a chance he has any learning disabilities? Taking that long to do homework well seems like a red flag, if not for an LD, perhaps inattentive ADHD. |