Sister settling - should I just shut up?

[Anonymous]

If she's already 30 then good enough is good enough.

[Anonymous]

I know me and my relationship with family; I'd say something.

Make sure if you do that you keep the topic not about HIM but about HER feelings for HIM. Give concrete examples. Approach it in a 'maybe I'm reading this wrong and your first impression of him set up my first impression of him but do you actually love him? Cuz it's ok if you don't. Only you know if it's love' kind of way.

For what it's worth, when my brother was getting married, we later found out each family member approached him individually with this same talk; we had no issues with the bride, but we just didn't 'get it'. He still married her. They divorced.

So know that you can be a mirror to reflect what she's doing/saying... but that she will do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

My sister settled for a douchebag and I held my tongue. He's done all right, but he's just a dud. She's the breadwinner, she wears the pants. Maybe that's what she was after. She's kind of overweight, so I guess her options were limited and she took the bird in hand. Oh well. We'll see how he holds up when kids arrive.

[Anonymous]

You have my sympathy, OP. My brother married a woman he seemed to hate. I spoke with him beforehand. They are still married, 10 years later, and they still hate each other. Its awful but my conversation with him didn't matter, although he does remember it.

My sister, after a divorce, quickly married a nice guy, kind of a dud. I didn't say anything and while I suspect she's never been head-over-heels in love with him they seem to get along well and he is really lovely with the children. I think if I had said something beforehand, she would have remembered and resented it.

[Anonymous]

I could absolutely imagine my older sister writing something like this about me/my now husband. From her perspective, it looked like I was settling. What she didn't understand (and I hope eventually she'll come to accept) was that what I wanted in my 20s was not what I wanted for the rest of my life. I wasn't settling, my priorities are just different now. I don't want a life filled with the drama and fighting I had with previous partners, I wanted a person that would be my friend and partner along with all the romantic stuff.

Sure, maybe your sister had all sorts of passion and crap with her previous boyfriend and the new guy seems more sedate in comparison. But maybe that's exactly what she needs and wants now.