Jewish couple adopting AA baby?

[Anonymous]

People are giving fantastic advice about whether you are willing to change the way you live in order to make sure your child is not an "only" in basically every space that your family frequents.

With that said, I definitely know folks who adopted through Jewish social services. You might wait longer, but you are likely to get a child that shares at least a portion of your cultural/genetic heritage.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am an AA adoptive parent of an AA child and I fully support anyone who chooses to adopt a child of any race. My only concern with your situation is that you don't seem to want to alter any of your social or religious choices to accommodate the child's needs.

You need to take a hard look at your life and decide if you are truly ready to adopt a child from a different race/religion. You seem to think that adopting an AA child is the easy way because healthy AA children are more readily available to adopt (which is true). Your desire to have a "convenient" additional child might not be in the best interest of the child. Obviously, having you as parents is better than having none but don't forget...
When you adopt an AA child, your family will be considered multi-racial. Like it or not, that's how you will be viewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is additionally concerned about adoption because the adoptees he's known anecdotally.

Based on your husband's hesitations I would not adopt an AA baby. I know a Jewish couple who adopted two babies whose parents were not Jewish and are now raising them Jewish. Personally, I think that is wrong because they are denying their children's biological history. Almost as if you adopted from China and raised them to be Mormon.

If you are going to adopt at all you need to discuss this with your husband and perhaps a counselor to work out all the feelings you both have. Perhaps there are Jewish babies/young children available that you are unaware of? Perhaps you can talk to people in your community?

Good luck!

Religion is biological? As far as I know we are not born into a particular religion. PP, how do you feel about adults who convert, are they similarly "denying their biological history".

OP FWIW my mother is AA. My dad is white and Jewish. I was raised culturally Jewish and observe the high holidays. Your child would be no different. I get a few looks when I talk about preparing for Passover and the like but it doesn't matter at all.
Raise your child with love, in any religion you choose. Teach him/her to be kind and respectful of others and you are ahead of half the bio kids of DCUM parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is additionally concerned about adoption because the adoptees he's known anecdotally.

Based on your husband's hesitations I would not adopt an AA baby. I know a Jewish couple who adopted two babies whose parents were not Jewish and are now raising them Jewish. Personally, I think that is wrong because they are denying their children's biological history. Almost as if you adopted from China and raised them to be Mormon.

If you are going to adopt at all you need to discuss this with your husband and perhaps a counselor to work out all the feelings you both have. Perhaps there are Jewish babies/young children available that you are unaware of? Perhaps you can talk to people in your community?

Good luck!

Religion is biological? As far as I know we are not born into a particular religion. PP, how do you feel about adults who convert, are they similarly "denying their biological history".

OP FWIW my mother is AA. My dad is white and Jewish. I was raised culturally Jewish and observe the high holidays. Your child would be no different. I get a few looks when I talk about preparing for Passover and the like but it doesn't matter at all.
Raise your child with love, in any religion you choose. Teach him/her to be kind and respectful of others and you are ahead of half the bio kids of DCUM parents.

Growing up, did you know your mother's family? Presumably you had, if not siblings, AA cousins, aunts, and uncles? Religion isn't the only factor here. OP is talking about the prospect of raising a Black child in an overwhelmingly White neighborhood, synagogue, etc, and with no family to fall back on in terms of identity. I wouldn't presume to know much about growing up biracial, but it isn't the same as transracial adoption because biracial folks (usually) have Black families on at least one side. In the case of transracial adoption, something's gotta give - we know this from actual studies as well as from "anecdata." The best adjusted transracial adoptees were given substantial contact with the Black community, which in OP's case would almost certainly entail a change in geography.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is additionally concerned about adoption because the adoptees he's known anecdotally.

Based on your husband's hesitations I would not adopt an AA baby. I know a Jewish couple who adopted two babies whose parents were not Jewish and are now raising them Jewish. Personally, I think that is wrong because they are denying their children's biological history. Almost as if you adopted from China and raised them to be Mormon.

If you are going to adopt at all you need to discuss this with your husband and perhaps a counselor to work out all the feelings you both have. Perhaps there are Jewish babies/young children available that you are unaware of? Perhaps you can talk to people in your community?

Good luck!

Religion is biological? As far as I know we are not born into a particular religion. PP, how do you feel about adults who convert, are they similarly "denying their biological history".

OP FWIW my mother is AA. My dad is white and Jewish. I was raised culturally Jewish and observe the high holidays. Your child would be no different. I get a few looks when I talk about preparing for Passover and the like but it doesn't matter at all.
Raise your child with love, in any religion you choose. Teach him/her to be kind and respectful of others and you are ahead of half the bio kids of DCUM parents.

Growing up, did you know your mother's family? Presumably you had, if not siblings, AA cousins, aunts, and uncles? Religion isn't the only factor here. OP is talking about the prospect of raising a Black child in an overwhelmingly White neighborhood, synagogue, etc, and with no family to fall back on in terms of identity. I wouldn't presume to know much about growing up biracial, but it isn't the same as transracial adoption because biracial folks (usually) have Black families on at least one side. In the case of transracial adoption, something's gotta give - we know this from actual studies as well as from "anecdata." The best adjusted transracial adoptees were given substantial contact with the Black community, which in OP's case would almost certainly entail a change in geography.

+1000. Growing up with a black parent is not the same at all as what OP proposes to put a child through for her own convenience. I grew up as the only black kid in all-white schools and neighborhoods, but I wasn't also the only black person at home and in my extended family. The kind of complete erasure of people who look anything like you that OP will subject her adopted child to is really awful, especially when combined with the negative depictions of blackness the kid will be seeing in every form of media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
With that said, I definitely know folks who adopted through Jewish social services. You might wait longer, but you are likely to get a child that shares at least a portion of your cultural/genetic heritage.

New poster here, we is Jewish and looking to adopt as well. Mu understanding was that Jewish social services only does the home study portion of the process and is not an adoption agency--can you clarify?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
With that said, I definitely know folks who adopted through Jewish social services. You might wait longer, but you are likely to get a child that shares at least a portion of your cultural/genetic heritage.

New poster here, we is Jewish and looking to adopt as well. Mu understanding was that Jewish social services only does the home study portion of the process and is not an adoption agency--can you clarify?

So...these folks were part of our larger network and not in the DC area. But my understanding was that their entire adoption came through Jewish Family Services in their state. A cursory internet search shows that the agency they worked with no longer provides adoption services but also that JFS in Massachusetts still does. So maybe this is state by state?

[Anonymous]

I went to a public magnet in NYC and had 2 Korean jews and 2 AA jews in my 50 person elementary school class. 1 of each was due to adoption (stranger in one case; family member in another case), the other Korean jewish girl was the bio daughter of a white jewish man married to a Korean woman raising their daughter as a jew, and the other AA jewish boy was the bio child of 2 jewish AA parents. Yes, it was a public magnet in NYC, so a high percentage of jews (~40%) and a high percentage of AAs (~30%) and Asians (~20%; I'm sure it would be higher now), but I don't think non-white jews are quite as unusual as you might imagine if you find the right community/temple.

[Anonymous]

Religion is biological? As far as I know we are not born into a particular religion. PP, how do you feel about adults who convert, are they similarly "denying their biological history".

I am the poster you quoted. I have no negative opinion of what adults chose to do. I was born "Catholic" but left the faith many years ago. My SIL was raised Methodist and is now a Buddist. Babies and small children don't have that choice when they are being raised.

I wasn't saying religion is all biology but it does have some part. I've briefly looked up what other people say about this topic and there are lots of discussion and disagreement. My point was if you were four generations Irish catholic and you were adopted out to a Jewish family it might not feel like "home" to you. On the other hand, I've read about situations where generations have hid their Jewish histories and when their grandchildren went to a service felt as if they belonged in a way they didn't in the Christian faith.

I am not an expert but, there are lots of gray areas here so no one has the 'definite' answer on what is religion or even race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AA Muslims are rare too but still exist. I have met Black Jewish and Muslim kids as a youngster and it's different but not a big deal. We're AA and DD is often the only vegetarian kid. Sometimes she wants to be like her friends and eat meat. That's life. I don't see a problem here. I think the biggest challenge you might find is exposing your child to other AAs in general so that they aren't isolated and having honest conversations when race interjects itself over the years. Go for it! You can probably find other Jewish AAs if you search.

Your comparison makes no sense. There is a big difference from what OP is asking about adoption to vegetarianism. I know several vegetarian kids, including mine.

Yeah, I only discussed vegetarianism. My point was kids like blending in with their kids, but differences are a part of life. In the DC area, Black kids with White parents aren't highly unusual anymore. Most of us are living some version of a modern family.

[Anonymous]

I am Jewish (my spouse is white but not Jewish) and we are in the process of adopting from foster care. We're open to kids of all races.

I agree with the others that even beyond religion, you need to think about how your family can diversify. What race will your kids' teachers and classmates be? The pediatrician? The librarian? The kids on her soccer team or at his lego camp? How will you learn to take care of your child's skin and hair? Will you spend time with other multiracial and/or adoptive families? How will you respond and teach your child to respond when someone says racist things? These are not insurmountable hurdles, but you have to be willing to surmount them.

As for religion, yes an AA kid is going to stand out at just about any temple out there. That will bother some kids more than others. I belong to a Reform temple in DC that is diverse as temples go, but if we have an AA kid I know that we will be seeking diversity in places other than temple! There are groups like Bechol Lashon and the Jewish Multicultural Network that focus on this issue. There are AA Jews in the DC area and all over the country and the world, if you are willing to do the work to seek them out and help your child interact with them. But if you're not willing to do the work, be honest with yourself and kind to a child by not adopting transracially.

[Anonymous]

blending in with their peers*

[Anonymous]

OP already said they decided to go the ART route rather than adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
With that said, I definitely know folks who adopted through Jewish social services. You might wait longer, but you are likely to get a child that shares at least a portion of your cultural/genetic heritage.

New poster here, we is Jewish and looking to adopt as well. Mu understanding was that Jewish social services only does the home study portion of the process and is not an adoption agency--can you clarify?

JSSA only does home studies in this area, you can take that home study and go to another Jewish Agency. Getting a Jewish white child would be near impossible except by pure luck or lots of money. Many kids adopted through Jewish agencies are not biologically Jewish from what JSSA told me. Many will also not place with you in less both parents are Jewish when I looked into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been looking for a diverse synagogue for reasons similar to yours and really like Temple Shalom in Chevy Chase/Silver Spring. Was surprised how diverse the congregation was and the Hebrew School as well. Many adopted kids of all nationalities. I would speak to the Rabbi there, like I did, and he could further guide you.

I thought the rabbi was fired?