Saying "no thank you" to toddlers

[Anonymous]

We learned it from Bright Horizons. It seemed odd to me too, but it was so effective on DD that we kept using it and it stuck.

[Anonymous]

I say it to my kids. I don't know where I got it from, honestly, and I agree it's a bit weird. I mainly use it for emphasis and I also say "no sir" to my son and "no ma'am" to my daughter for the same reason. Rather than barking "no" multiple times, this allows me to draw out the statement to give more stern-voice airtime. In my house, it's not a substitute for real discipline, but you'll have to take my word on that obviously.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I did that when my kid was a toddler many years ago. I was being sarcastic when I said it. "No, thank you, Larla. Mommy does not need dirt in her purse." I wasn't using it as a method of discipline, I was being snarky to my own child which says so many good things about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind it. It helps the child focus on the fact that his or her behavior affects others. The "no thank you" indicates that the person saying "no" doesn't want the behavior and that there's an exchange going on.

Your reasoning makes absolutely no sense to me either, just like this silly phrase.

How does 'no thank you' help the child focus on how their behavior affects others anymore than saying 'please don't do that' or 'stop throwing rocks' would? And how does it contribute to an 'exchange' anymore than other phrases? I just don't understand your justification at all.

But whatever, as another poster said, we are all overthinking it I suppose.

I just think it's a dumb saying that makes no sense and all the people in this thread justifying it haven't come up w/ any good reason (in my view) that it is any better than any other redirection or deterrent so I'll keep on thinking it's a dumb saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

Um, no, you don't. I'm from the Midwest, too, and I don't say, "No thank you," when someone tries to hit me in the face or steal my things. I say, "No! Stop it!" Maybe if I'm feeling polite, I say, "Please stop it!" I say, "No, thank you," when someone asks me if I'd like a glass of water.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

The preschools and nannies are right. "No, thank you" is the appropriate answer to model for toddlers. Their opportunities to say 'no" aren't like an adult's, they say no to refuse something, in which case following with a "thank you" is the polite way. My toddler has been saying "no, thanks" since 18 months, always appropriately.

When do you think a toddler would say "no, thank you" inappropriately, anyway? Give me an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschools and nannies are right. "No, thank you" is the appropriate answer to model for toddlers. Their opportunities to say 'no" aren't like an adult's, they say no to refuse something, in which case following with a "thank you" is the polite way. My toddler has been saying "no, thanks" since 18 months, always appropriately.

When do you think a toddler would say "no, thank you" inappropriately, anyway? Give me an example.

Who cares when they would say it inappropriately or if they say it at all? Honestly, I don't think it really matters if your 18-month-old is screaming "no" or "no thank you" when he's having a tantrum. Kids this age aren't "polite" or "impolite." They're just kids and barely learning to talk. If the kid can best and fastest express himself with "no," then let him!

Interestingly, our preschool teacher at what I would call a "subpar" school said "no thank you" a lot and in a loud voice, without really addressing behavioral issues. I have never, ever heard a teacher say this at the school we switched to, which is considered to be one of the best in the area.

[Anonymous]

They do this at my son's daycare. I hadn't gotten the memo, and my son nicely offered me something (his toy or something he was eating - I'm forgetting exactly what). I said "no thank you" and he started crying because he thought I was scolding him. So I agree it's confusing.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, my friend said "no thank you" to her dog as she trained him. I picked it up and use it with my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschools and nannies are right. "No, thank you" is the appropriate answer to model for toddlers. Their opportunities to say 'no" aren't like an adult's, they say no to refuse something, in which case following with a "thank you" is the polite way. My toddler has been saying "no, thanks" since 18 months, always appropriately.

When do you think a toddler would say "no, thank you" inappropriately, anyway? Give me an example.

That doesn't make any sense. Yes, if you are offered something that you don't want, the polite answer is "No, thank you." If you are making a request, the polite phrase is "Please stop X" or "Please do Y." I say "No, thank you" to my kid if she's trying to give me something I don't want (a bite of her food, a rock, whatever). I say, "Please put down that vase" or "Please stop jumping on the couch" or whatever. When she complies, I say "Thank you." That is how normal people talk. That is how toddlers should be taught to talk. If someone offers them a cracker and they don't wnat it, they should say "No, thank you." If someone pushes them, they should say, "Please don't push me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschools and nannies are right. "No, thank you" is the appropriate answer to model for toddlers. Their opportunities to say 'no" aren't like an adult's, they say no to refuse something, in which case following with a "thank you" is the polite way. My toddler has been saying "no, thanks" since 18 months, always appropriately.

When do you think a toddler would say "no, thank you" inappropriately, anyway? Give me an example.

Did you actually read this thread?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been working and daycare for a couple years and prior to that I’ve never heard that term being used. The majority of teachers use it and a lot of them use it in the negative way and maybe with an aggressive tone. I’ve even heard children repeat it saying to other children in a very rude way which is the same way they hear their teacher say it. When children are that young they don’t understand things with multiple terms. They hear the term no thank you being used in a - way way more than they hear it in a positive way. I refuse to use that with the children because when I teach them the meaning of no thank you I want it to be when we’re playing kitchen and they offer me food. That is the proper way to say no thank you to a child. There are many other terms that teachers and parents could use if they wanna avoid just using the word no.

[Anonymous]

I am at Starbucks and a kid and his mom are definitely on my last nerve with no thank you! The store manager finally told the mom, please have your kid sit down before he gets hurt! I love it.
Mom said no thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’ve been working and daycare for a couple years and prior to that I’ve never heard that term being used. The majority of teachers use it and a lot of them use it in the negative way and maybe with an aggressive tone. I’ve even heard children repeat it saying to other children in a very rude way which is the same way they hear their teacher say it. When children are that young they don’t understand things with multiple terms. They hear the term no thank you being used in a - way way more than they hear it in a positive way. I refuse to use that with the children because when I teach them the meaning of no thank you I want it to be when we’re playing kitchen and they offer me food. That is the proper way to say no thank you to a child. There are many other terms that teachers and parents could use if they wanna avoid just using the word no.

This post is from 2016!

You felt it was neccessary to rehash this just to post this ^^???

[Anonymous]

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Children NEED to hear the word no.

I'm all for manners and please and thank you, but NOT in these situations.

Parents need to perfect the art of a withering look, whether that's a raised eyebrow or a stern expression -- something that your little one will recognize as serious.

And, parents need to stop the overly complicated explanations. Just say the word no. Stop counting down. Raise your voice. You are the adult. Appropriate, immediate consequences...always. Love and hugs and chat about situation follows, too.

I see the effects of all this "soft touch, self-esteem-building, empowering your child" bullshit and it's bullshit. Your kids are insufferable, disrespectful brats.

- strict, old school mom