Saying "no thank you" to toddlers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

Did you read any of this thread? It's not a matter of saying no thank you when offered something. People are saying no thank you when their kid throws a phone in the toilet. Is that what you do in the Midwest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

What? Saying "please" is absolutely a gentle correction. It also has a TON to do with tone of voice. I have heard people sound pretty insincere and threatening when shouting "no thank you." I actually think it sounds somewhat underhanded unless the kid is doing something that could possibly be interpreted as trying to help you (i.e. "No thank you, I have my own crackers. I don't want your half chewed-up, sloppery ones. Thanks.").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preschool teachers do it a lot. Personally, I think it's dumb because it's not how we really talk. I think the idea is to sound less rude and to encourage the kud to copy and be polite, rather than shouting no all the time (which the toddler will do anyway). I don't do it, but I see the logic. Just seems like an irritating phrasing to me.

I teach Pre-Kindergarten and I intentionally DON'T do this. It's absurd. In fact, I asked our Jumpstart volunteers (college student "literacy buddies") to stop doing it. I mean, if a 4 year old has their finger up the college kid's nostril and the young woman is saying "No, thank you"? to the child? Gimme a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

What? Saying "please" is absolutely a gentle correction. It also has a TON to do with tone of voice. I have heard people sound pretty insincere and threatening when shouting "no thank you." I actually think it sounds somewhat underhanded unless the kid is doing something that could possibly be interpreted as trying to help you (i.e. "No thank you, I have my own crackers. I don't want your half chewed-up, sloppery ones. Thanks.").

I always thought so, too. However a mom who uses "no thank you" all the time says "No running, please" puts a negative spin on it. You're not offering the child anything positive.

Her other response to running specifically is "Walking feet, please!" in that sing song-y voice.

Maybe it's just her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

What? Saying "please" is absolutely a gentle correction. It also has a TON to do with tone of voice. I have heard people sound pretty insincere and threatening when shouting "no thank you." I actually think it sounds somewhat underhanded unless the kid is doing something that could possibly be interpreted as trying to help you (i.e. "No thank you, I have my own crackers. I don't want your half chewed-up, sloppery ones. Thanks.").

I always thought so, too. However a mom who uses "no thank you" all the time says "No running, please" puts a negative spin on it. You're not offering the child anything positive.

Her other response to running specifically is "Walking feet, please!" in that sing song-y voice.

Maybe it's just her.

Haha, I have a perfect image of her in my head based on that description.

I like the idea of being positive rather than negative, but if that's what a person wants to do, then they shouldn't say "no" at all. They should always instruct the kid to do the opposite (like "walking feet" instead of "no running"). Saying "no thank you" doesn't change the fact that the message is "no." I'm all for telling kids what TO do rather than what NOT to do -- mostly because it works better and makes them less frustrated. But when you have to say no, just say no! "No thank you" is not a positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

Did you read any of this thread? It's not a matter of saying no thank you when offered something. People are saying no thank you when their kid throws a phone in the toilet. Is that what you do in the Midwest?

I read the first few responses where people said that wasn't how they really talk. And no, I don't know anyone who would say, "no, thank you" when their kid threw their phone in the toilet. That calls for a pretty specific inervention. but I also can't think of a situation where I would correct another adults behavior with an unqualified "no." It's just habit to say "no thank you," and I'm sure I say it to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

Did you read any of this thread? It's not a matter of saying no thank you when offered something. People are saying no thank you when their kid throws a phone in the toilet. Is that what you do in the Midwest?

I read the first few responses where people said that wasn't how they really talk. And no, I don't know anyone who would say, "no, thank you" when their kid threw their phone in the toilet. That calls for a pretty specific inervention. but I also can't think of a situation where I would correct another adults behavior with an unqualified "no." It's just habit to say "no thank you," and I'm sure I say it to my kids.

Agreed, but other adults usually aren't physically assaulting you, throwing things, etc. If they were, you might say just "no."

I love the idea of talking to kids like you would to adults as much as possible. In that case, I guess I would usually say something like, "Can you please stop that?" or "That's my brand-new carpet. Please stop intentionally dumping your juice on it."

[Anonymous]

I'm a former preschool teacher. I'm pretty sure I've never said "No thank you" in this context unless the behavior I didn't want was a kid trying to give me something (e.g kid shoving playdough cookies at you when you're trying to talk on the phone).

I have, however said "No", and then "Thank you" a moment later when the kid starts to comply. Sometimes, when you tell a young kid "no", they'll stop for a second because they're startled, and if you act like they did it on purpose it will stick. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, but it absolutely works. It's the same thing with some kids who are tantrumming. I stay still, look away (while still supervising and keeping them safe) and wait. When they stop for a breath, I jump in and say "all done? Oh good, let's go wash your face so we can play playdough" and the kid forgets that they weren't all done and starts towards the sink.

I should note that this works better for some kids than others. A good preschool teacher (or mom) has a bunch of tricks up her sleeve. Not just one!

[Anonymous]

To model being polite. Kids copy what their parents say and do.

[Anonymous]

I recently overheard a daycare worker yelling in a very shrill voice "Joey and Bobby, get down off of that! NO THANK YOU"

I've heard others use that phrase too. I think it is idiotic.

We don't talk that way. There are plenty of other options for gently correcting or redirecting behavior. There are plenty of ways to teach kids to be polite through modeling our own polite language and behavior. Saying "no thank you" in this context (as a deterrent or redirection for misbehavior) makes no sense in our language and also doesn't teach the child what they should be doing instead or model how they should be speaking either.

It is just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Because that's how our daycare center talks to the kids and we use the same language to be consistent.

[Anonymous]

It seems to teach the child politeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

There is no way I would say "No, thank you" to ANY bad behavior, from anyone's kid. I have grabbed a child's hand that was approaching me and said "That is rude- don't EVER do that again" to a kid whose mother just sat by, staring.

"No, thank you" is not an option for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

I don't think you read the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am from the Midwest, and we really talk like this all of the time. Do people really not say "no thank you" on the east coast?

Um, no, you don't. I'm from the Midwest, too, and I don't say, "No thank you," when someone tries to hit me in the face or steal my things. I say, "No! Stop it!" Maybe if I'm feeling polite, I say, "Please stop it!" I say, "No, thank you," when someone asks me if I'd like a glass of water.

Yeah, same here. Original PP from the midwest clearly didn't read the entire post. I've NEVER heard anyone say "no thank you" in the context the OP describes.