Saying "no thank you" to toddlers

[Anonymous]

We are all overthinking this.

Saying "no thank you" vs "NO" isn't going to be the game changing parenting technique. It works for some parents, it doesn't others.

Moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's dumb too. My DD knows to say "no thank you" if something is offered to her that she wants to reject. But if I ask if she's going somewhere I don't expect her to say "no thank you". That would be stupid.

+1000000

It sounds so stupid!! Drives me insane when I hear it.

Don't ever say "no" to your kid (even "no thank you") or *that* is what they learn to say and also they don't really understand the negative. Instead use simple, affirmative statements.

Kid is throwing toy: "toy stays on the ground"
Kid is hitting: "hands by our side"
Kid is yelling: "use quiet voice"

[Anonymous]

You all are just going to have to get over me saying "no thank you please" to my children

[Anonymous]

DS's SLP used to do this. I figured it was appropriate in that professional context (also, my kid wasn't doing anything awful, so it was no thank you to him bouncing in his chair at the end of a session, not jamming his finger in her nose). Also, she was younger and didn't have kids. I don't use it.

[Anonymous]

I think it started off as lazy speaking, not waiting for the behavior to stop between the no & then the thank you.

While we are on it, what bugs me is "Mommy asked you not to hit your friends." Well, mommy should have told, not asked.

[Anonymous]

Was playing in the sandbox once with my kid when a very well dressed mom brought her toddler daughter in. Every time the child did something naughty like throw sand the mom said "No thank you." It def seemed very weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a former preschool teacher. I'm pretty sure I've never said "No thank you" in this context unless the behavior I didn't want was a kid trying to give me something (e.g kid shoving playdough cookies at you when you're trying to talk on the phone).

I have, however said "No", and then "Thank you" a moment later when the kid starts to comply. Sometimes, when you tell a young kid "no", they'll stop for a second because they're startled, and if you act like they did it on purpose it will stick. I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, but it absolutely works. It's the same thing with some kids who are tantrumming. I stay still, look away (while still supervising and keeping them safe) and wait. When they stop for a breath, I jump in and say "all done? Oh good, let's go wash your face so we can play playdough" and the kid forgets that they weren't all done and starts towards the sink.

I should note that this works better for some kids than others. A good preschool teacher (or mom) has a bunch of tricks up her sleeve. Not just one!

Yeah, I do this, too. "Please stop X." Kid stops X. "Thank you!"

We say please when asking our child to do or stop doing something, mostly because I want her to phrase her requests in the same way. And then I thank her when she complies, again, because I'd probably do the same to an adult. "Could you turn down the volume on your computer, please? Thank you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I've heard it a lot too and think it sounds stupid. I like teaching them to be polite but this doesn't seem like a good way to model polite language since you are using the language in a way people don't usually talk, which makes it weird for the kid. Instead of saying "no thank you" when a kid does something they shouldn't, why not instead say "no running, please" or "please do not throw toys" or whatever. Makes more sense to me as a way to teach politeness while still letting the kid know not to do something.

+1 This is exactly how you should phrase it, IMO!

That doesn't put a happy, positive spin on it. "No thank you" works for the people who want to gently correct.

I think it sounds ridiculous myself. For the PP from the South, no we don't say "No thank you" when someone is doing something they shouldn't. We say "No thank you" when something is offered that we don't want, or aren't interested in.

What? Saying "please" is absolutely a gentle correction. It also has a TON to do with tone of voice. I have heard people sound pretty insincere and threatening when shouting "no thank you." I actually think it sounds somewhat underhanded unless the kid is doing something that could possibly be interpreted as trying to help you (i.e. "No thank you, I have my own crackers. I don't want your half chewed-up, sloppery ones. Thanks.").

I always thought so, too. However a mom who uses "no thank you" all the time says "No running, please" puts a negative spin on it. You're not offering the child anything positive.

Her other response to running specifically is "Walking feet, please!" in that sing song-y voice.

Maybe it's just her.

Haha, I have a perfect image of her in my head based on that description.

I like the idea of being positive rather than negative, but if that's what a person wants to do, then they shouldn't say "no" at all. They should always instruct the kid to do the opposite (like "walking feet" instead of "no running"). Saying "no thank you" doesn't change the fact that the message is "no." I'm all for telling kids what TO do rather than what NOT to do -- mostly because it works better and makes them less frustrated. But when you have to say no, just say no! "No thank you" is not a positive.

I do both. "Stop running, please! Walking feet near the pool." So, negative + positive alternative.

[Anonymous]

I don't not say no thank you but I do catch myself no sir or no ma'am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are just going to have to get over me saying "no thank you please" to my children

+1

[Anonymous]

It's definitely odd. I will say "please" as in "please talk quietly" but it would never occur to me to tell my child "no thank you" to get him to stop doing something. I will, however, say "thank you" once he complies.

[Anonymous]

Yes! I saw this too, OP. It was one of the worst playdates we ever had. The host mom invited me and another friend, who I didn't know, and the entire time, her badly behaved child ran amok and she would sing-song, "No, thank you."

::her son grabs toy from another child:: "Larlo, no thank you!"
(No other attempt to teach/discipline.)

::her son hits another child:: "No, thank you!"

::her son tries to rip the baby gate out of the wall:: "No, thank you!"

::her son smacks her in the face:: "No, thank you!"

"No thank you" has become a joke in our family, it's shorthand for lazy parenting and undisciplined, spoiled children.

[Anonymous]

I also think it's silly. I do try to use affirmative commands/requests when possible, mainly because it's more specific and more effective than "no!" in many cases. (Example: kid stands on chair-- "please sit down!" Vs "no standing on chairs!"). But if the kid is hitting or something, of course I tell her no (without the "thank you").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are just going to have to get over me saying "no thank you please" to my children

You are just going to have to get over me rolling my eyes at you.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind it. It helps the child focus on the fact that his or her behavior affects others. The "no thank you" indicates that the person saying "no" doesn't want the behavior and that there's an exchange going on.