11-year-old says my food is terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with pediatrician that food battles aren't a good thing. For,those of you who say that they'll eventually eat what you make if you essentially starve them out, that never worked for me with my picky, vegetarian eater. Turns out that he's ASD and has a lot of food texture issues.

My rule: I always try to have one thing on the table that I know each kid will typically eat. Beyond that, they can make their own dinner if they don't like what I'm offering. ASD child will typically heat up a bag of edamame and grab a banana. He also sometimes makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

No one gets dessert without eating something healthy. I find it's best for family harmony to not dictate what the healthy thing is.

You are an outlier. Most of our kids do not have autism, so there is no excuse for them to behave like they do.

I don't have negotiations with kids over food, so they don't even try, so we too have harmony. Once they can cook an entire well rounded meal for the family and clean it up afterwards, then they can get full voting rights. You think kids in food scarce situations are turning their nose up and demanding more options? They will not starve, unless you have set the precedence that you get steam rolled.

I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. And these can evolve with time, so even if a person was always eating raspberries, they may still develop an aversion for raspberries (I name that one bc I find the texture of raspberries repugnant ). Part of why children are pickier eaters than adults is because their taste buds are more sensitive and they have many more than we do, and it helps to explain why in other cultures where different spices and foods are introduced at earlier ages, the kids in those cultures eat spicier foods at a younger age than a "typical" child raised in America.

Back to op's question, I like the suggestions to teach an 11 yr old to cook some basic meals, and those are alternatives if the child doesnt like that night's dinner. I'd probably also once a week let the child select what is on the menu for dinner (as the parents do every other night). I'd also have a frank talk with an 11 year old to reinforce appropriate reactions when you don't like something, and state and enforce consequences going forward for rude comments about mom's (or anyone's cooking).

Just to note for perspective, as a tween/teen often I would greet my parents' decisions with vehement reactions because I felt it was the only way to get them to understand how I felt about something - of course they would react with anger to my vehemence so I would never get my intended result but I felt validated that I made my feelings known (and a big family argument would ensue, which my siblings remember to this day obviously affecting everyone). I try to remember that bad dynamic when dealing with my own kids today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a list of things my 9 YO can cook, for inspiration:
-quesadillas
-pancakes
-spaghetti with sauce
-Mac and cheese
-steamed veggies
-corn on the cob
-hot dogs
-tacos
-grilled cheese
-frozen pizza
-pre-made chicken tenders (frozen)

OP, unless you want to find yourself with a cholesterol ridden kid, disregard half of these suggestions. Hot dogs? Frozen pizza? Pre made chicken tenders? Mac and cheese? This PP must weight 400lbs, and the idea of "kid's food" is causing obesity crisis in the US.

New poster. I think you missed the point. If a child doesn't like dinner, he/she should be able to slap together his own meal, such as one of the ones on PP's list. That doesn't mean that is all the child eats, or those foods are the bulk of the child's diet. It simply means that the complaining child, in lieu of complaining, can make himself, for example, a grilled cheese sandwich. Which all children should know how to do by a certain age.

[Anonymous]

"I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. "

Sweet Jesus - I don't know that I've ever seen a more ridiculous statement in my life. You think the kid who lives in a trailer has "texture aversion". It is a privilege to refuse foods. Only people who have too much of it do it. Tell your child to eat it or not. Do not, I repeat DO NOT indulge this nonsense and all your child to control your home. It is not fair to you, it is not fair to your family, it is not fair to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. "

Sweet Jesus - I don't know that I've ever seen a more ridiculous statement in my life. You think the kid who lives in a trailer has "texture aversion". It is a privilege to refuse foods. Only people who have too much of it do it. Tell your child to eat it or not. Do not, I repeat DO NOT indulge this nonsense and all your child to control your home. It is not fair to you, it is not fair to your family, it is not fair to your child.

PP, it's actually based in science.

"But new research shows that picky eating does matter in ways that go beyond concerns around obesity or malnourishment. A study conducted by Duke University’s Center for Eating Disorders and published in the fall found that even moderately selective eaters were more likely to show symptoms of depression, social anxiety, or ADHD than those kids who weren’t picky eaters. Severely selective eaters were more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression or social anxiety. Many adults with eating-related issues, meanwhile, reported being picky eaters as children..."

Picky eaters are born not made:
https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2016/02/24/are-picky-eaters-born-made/7mfRUVteAcMLrO2oTmTeJM/story.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. "

Sweet Jesus - I don't know that I've ever seen a more ridiculous statement in my life. You think the kid who lives in a trailer has "texture aversion". It is a privilege to refuse foods. Only people who have too much of it do it. Tell your child to eat it or not. Do not, I repeat DO NOT indulge this nonsense and all your child to control your home. It is not fair to you, it is not fair to your family, it is not fair to your child.

PP, it's actually based in science.

"But new research shows that picky eating does matter in ways that go beyond concerns around obesity or malnourishment. A study conducted by Duke University’s Center for Eating Disorders and published in the fall found that even moderately selective eaters were more likely to show symptoms of depression, social anxiety, or ADHD than those kids who weren’t picky eaters. Severely selective eaters were more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression or social anxiety. Many adults with eating-related issues, meanwhile, reported being picky eaters as children..."

Picky eaters are born not made:
https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2016/02/24/are-picky-eaters-born-made/7mfRUVteAcMLrO2oTmTeJM/story.html

Again, a disease of affluence. No picky eaters in Malawi. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a skinny kid so I'm not too thrilled about having him miss meals. He was never very picky when he was younger but how do you deal with preteen not wanting to eat what you serve for dinner? I know the general descriptions of my food being yucky are disrespectful but do I battle over his disrespect or just let this go and not feed him? By the way and he usually goes for cereal or ice cream about 9 PM. I deny him having something to eat later? Our pediatrician says just not to battle about the food but how do others handle this?

Who would allow that? You brought this on yourself, OP.

First, he has to apologize for saying that about your food.
Then, ask him for suggestions on cooking, and this summer, teach him to cook. He's old enough to learn making simple meals. That includes selecting items at the grocery store, composing a meal, cooking, serving and cleaning up.

Turn lemons into lemonade, OP!

And NO cereal or ice cream at 9pm, for God's sake. I have a 3th percentiler - he's not allowed that either.

Don't be a twit. He's 11 not 2.

I'll bet my left nut that this didn't start at age 11

It's not unreasonable. My mother was a cooking teacher for a local community college. When I was in grade school, my parents renovated the basement to include a full kitchen. She moved her cooking classes from the local community college campus to home. I started taking her classes when I was 7 (the rule was that if I was done with my homework by the time class started, I could sit in on class). By the time I was 11, I could cook full meals that did not look like a fast food restaurant children's menu.

If you look at Food Network, you'll see Jr versions of the baking championships, Chopped, and other similar shows. It's not unusual to have 8-10 year olds who can cook meals. It's not common, but it's no longer uncommon.

[Anonymous]

The boy is spoiled rotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have an underweight child who needs more calories. Why in the world would you deny him a bowl of cereal or ice cream?

Signed, mom a child beneath the growth chart, and you bet she gets cereal and ice cream.

I agree! Cereal and ice cream are healthy foods, full or "real ingredients" (depending on the brand and style). Feed your child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have an underweight child who needs more calories. Why in the world would you deny him a bowl of cereal or ice cream?

Signed, mom a child beneath the growth chart, and you bet she gets cereal and ice cream.

I agree! Cereal and ice cream are healthy foods, full or "real ingredients" (depending on the brand and style). Feed your child!

But if these are displacing foods with actual nutritional value (only some cereal is any good for you) then it is not healthy and it will not help your kid get onto the growth chart.

Signed, mother with a skinny kid telling you things I learned from his nutritionist when he fell off the growth chart.

[Anonymous]

My daughter once referred to my cooking as 'toxic waste'. It was one of the funniest things ever, and we still make jokes about it.

[Anonymous]

My kid is fairly picky but is getting better with age. He is 8. We require him to eat most/all of dinner to get access to a real dessert, which usually isn't a problem.

If a few days go by without incident or complaining (which is typical) we'll clear his unfinished plate without discussion because everyone deserves a break sometimes.

I think this works for us because I try to serve him stuff he'll eat. I don't make two meals and I am not a short order cook, but I craft his plate in a way that will facilitate his eating of it. When we eat tacos with the saucy/spicy works, he might have a taco salad with only beans, rice, lettuce, olives, peppers, corn, and salsa. When we do homemade pizza I make a section for him. When we have a huge side salad, I put marinated veggies and vinegary things on the side. I leave the curry sauce off his rice bowl, for now. He'll like a lot of this stuff soon enough, but not yet. Would your son respond to this type of cooking and prep?

I should add that he often eats a bowl of cereal before bed. That's fine, regardless of how dinner went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with pediatrician that food battles aren't a good thing. For,those of you who say that they'll eventually eat what you make if you essentially starve them out, that never worked for me with my picky, vegetarian eater. Turns out that he's ASD and has a lot of food texture issues.

My rule: I always try to have one thing on the table that I know each kid will typically eat. Beyond that, they can make their own dinner if they don't like what I'm offering. ASD child will typically heat up a bag of edamame and grab a banana. He also sometimes makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

No one gets dessert without eating something healthy. I find it's best for family harmony to not dictate what the healthy thing is.

A better question is: how did you allow this child to become a picky vegetarian with "food texture issues" in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but you people are so fucking weak with your little snowflakes!

Cereal and Ice Cream for dinner? Oh, fuck no. Your pediatrician is an absolute moron too if he/she thinks that is OK nutrition for a growing child.

My kids last night hated every bite of dinner. Jamaican Jerk Chicken, Roasted Asparagus, and baked potato. Zero Fucks are given by me. Eat it or starve. I promise you they will not starve.

Point of inquiry: Why would you be giving "Fucks" to your kids of all people.

Follow up: Do your kids share your love of filthy vocabulary and hair trigger threshold for anger?

Seriously. I bet this dad (and it is a dad) probably thinks he's being Very Assertive as a parent with his rigidity. Instead, he's just being an asshole.

Oh no, I bet it's a mom.

I am a mom and a wife and I thought the comment was funny. Sounds like a perfectly reasonable dinner. No need for complaining just because a kid would rather eat something else.

I thought it was funny too. Filthy mouth dad (or mom) - you're okay in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. "

Sweet Jesus - I don't know that I've ever seen a more ridiculous statement in my life. You think the kid who lives in a trailer has "texture aversion". It is a privilege to refuse foods. Only people who have too much of it do it. Tell your child to eat it or not. Do not, I repeat DO NOT indulge this nonsense and all your child to control your home. It is not fair to you, it is not fair to your family, it is not fair to your child.

PP, it's actually based in science.

"But new research shows that picky eating does matter in ways that go beyond concerns around obesity or malnourishment. A study conducted by Duke University’s Center for Eating Disorders and published in the fall found that even moderately selective eaters were more likely to show symptoms of depression, social anxiety, or ADHD than those kids who weren’t picky eaters. Severely selective eaters were more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression or social anxiety. Many adults with eating-related issues, meanwhile, reported being picky eaters as children..."

Picky eaters are born not made:
https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2016/02/24/are-picky-eaters-born-made/7mfRUVteAcMLrO2oTmTeJM/story.html

Again, a disease of affluence. No picky eaters in Malawi. Calm down.

Well kids in Malawi will have a better shot if they can survive birth and avoid contracting HIV. Depression, anxiety, ADHD are disorders of the brain just as complications in childbirth or HIV affect the body. All of these things exist in every county just to different degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have an underweight child who needs more calories. Why in the world would you deny him a bowl of cereal or ice cream?

Signed, mom a child beneath the growth chart, and you bet she gets cereal and ice cream.

And diabetes one day. Good job!