Reply to 11-year-old says my food is terrible

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with pediatrician that food battles aren't a good thing. For,those of you who say that they'll eventually eat what you make if you essentially starve them out, that never worked for me with my picky, vegetarian eater. Turns out that he's ASD and has a lot of food texture issues.

My rule: I always try to have one thing on the table that I know each kid will typically eat. Beyond that, they can make their own dinner if they don't like what I'm offering. ASD child will typically heat up a bag of edamame and grab a banana. He also sometimes makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

No one gets dessert without eating something healthy. I find it's best for family harmony to not dictate what the healthy thing is.

[/quote]

You are an outlier. Most of our kids do not have autism, so there is no excuse for them to behave like they do.

I don't have negotiations  with kids over food, so they don't even try, so we too have harmony. Once they can cook an entire well rounded meal for the family and clean it up afterwards, then they can get full voting rights. You think kids in food scarce situations are turning their nose up and demanding more options? They will not starve, unless you have set the precedence that you get steam rolled.[/quote]

I doubt the first poster's child is as much of an outlier as you think. I suspect a lot of "picky eating" is actual food/texture aversion, and so people focus on the wrong aspect ("the child is being defiant," or "the child is being stubborn"), and the problem really isn't a battle of wills, but a need to help condition the child to new food textures/tastes. And these can evolve with time, so even if a person was always eating raspberries, they may still develop an aversion for raspberries (I name that one bc I find the texture of raspberries repugnant :-) ).  Part of why children are pickier eaters than adults is because their taste buds are more sensitive and they have many more than we do, and it helps to explain why in other cultures where different spices and foods are introduced at earlier ages, the kids in those cultures eat spicier foods at a younger age than a "typical" child raised in America.

Back to op's question, I like the suggestions to teach an 11 yr old to cook some basic meals, and those are alternatives if the child doesnt like that night's dinner. I'd probably also once a week let the child select what is on the menu for dinner (as the parents do every other night).  I'd also have a frank talk with an 11 year old to reinforce appropriate reactions when you don't like something, and state and enforce consequences going forward for rude comments about mom's (or anyone's cooking).

Just to note for perspective, as a tween/teen often I would greet my parents' decisions with vehement reactions because I felt it was the only way to get them to understand how I felt about something - of course they would react with anger to my vehemence so I would never get my intended result but I felt validated that I made my feelings known (and a big family argument would ensue, which my siblings remember to this day obviously affecting everyone). I try to remember that bad dynamic when dealing with my own kids today. [/quote]

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