DH's ex wife constantly asks him for money
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Anonymous
It's been ordered by a judge to supply receipts in the cases I know of. No receipt no money. Child support pays for clothes. Dad can take the child shopping. In lieu of receipts the ex needed to provide all registration information and dad would pay his half directly. One mom was also told dad would pay X amount per year for activities. Anything over that was on her. The amount was half of what the judge deemed a reasonable amount based on the child's interests. |
Anonymous
It depends on the state and the order. My husband's was inclusive of almost all, except braces and extraordinary expenses. It included child care but kids were not in day care so it was a non-issue. She refused to use his insurance and wanted hers. She asked the judge to have him pay co-pays (he sometimes helped to be decent) and premium and judge said no as he was ordered to carry the insurance and continued to even if she didn't use it (eventually she lost her insurance and one kid had a bad accident so luckily we kept it up). Child support calculations are supposed to include both parents share, however many few it as dad should be 100% responsible and do not consider mom is also supposed to be contributing in cases where dad pays a higher amount (obviously excluding mom's/kids who only get a few hundred or nothing). |
Anonymous
Dad can take a child shopping but its not deducted from his child support. We bought/sent the kid lots of clothing as mom wasn't buying much (she'd buy to compete with us and trash our stuff so it was a win for the kid) and we got no deductions. It was considered a "gift." There are all kinds of child support arrangements depending on time shares, etc. There are some situations where parents have equal time share and income and then they do a split, which is reasonable. My husband tried to pay activities directly (above the child support as she refused to let the kid play if it came out of child support) and she refused demanding a check to her (he offered to send it to the school) and refused to send the registration information (I'm assuming she never intended for him to play and it was another way to blame dad as to why he couldn't play). |
Anonymous
We think my husband's ex trashed them. I doubt she sold them and I know she didn't do drugs or gamble so we aren't sure what she did with them. Can you take off the tags and wash them before you send them? |
Anonymous
You're right the clothes aren't deducted. When BIL bought clothes they stayed at his house so they wouldn't be thrown out. No registration information meant no money. It was in the order? |
Anonymous
In Md and my kid's speech therapy wasn't even considered. I was awarded under $1,000/month for three kids and told I had to pay his $100/hr speech therapy out of pocket (not covered by insurance, not considered a medical expense) and then go to the court for reimbursement. There was no way I could afford that! I never asked for alimony and the child support award was so below what we needed. As far as OP, obviously, it depends a lot on the dynamics and the amounts involved. Part of the problem is you married a man who had already made certain decisions. So if he and his exwife believe in funding horseback riding or private high-level music or a star tennis coach, that commitment was made before you arrived on the scene. I think if you can't agree on the extras, you should separate your funding from your spouse's. I think the poster who wrote about the friend who divorced over the man's generosity to his grown kids is just a sad, sad situation. |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound like a fool. If you married a man with an ex and kids, when were you going to figure it out? |
Anonymous
You didn't take in a niece and nephew of a deceased relative because you didn't want to handle the separate accounting (for the life insurance which is presumably in a trust) that it would involve? |
Anonymous
Except for pick-up, drop-offs, until child get's old enough.. they do need to cut the ex out of the picture. The child support is paying for the child, she is responsible for the other half which she doesn't like apparently, too bad. |
Anonymous
No, his child support covered everything except some medical and dental. Later a judge removed that clause as she refused to use his insurance which had very few co-pays and basically everything was free. We offered to do it as we knew she would not pay for it via child support or buy the clothing. We didn't keep the clothing at our house as she often refused visits and it was cross country so he'd outgrow them and we wanted him to enjoy them (if he was here more we'd have a set to send home and a set for our house). My husband basically did what you are saying... and he refused to send a check directly to her and was willing to pay the school directly. She wouldn't allow it. I think she didn't want to drive the kid to practices so she tried to blame dad for not paying for it, when he would have. |
Anonymous
Stop. DH and I are married, and I can almost guarantee you that he has no idea what size clothes or shoes our DD wears. That statement alone doesn't mean that OP's husband is a bad parent. Don't look for reasons to trash someone else. OP, you've gotten good advice about paying directly to the events, camps, clothing, whatever. |
Anonymous
Yes it is obvious why she won't allow him to get it, of course it's NOT going to the child. How dumb is your husband, that was the clue!! I think your problem is your husband. If you have joint custody, buy clothes etc. that you keep at your home. Otherwise, she only get's child support. You need to have a sit down with your husband relating how important it is to be on the same page. I do all the finances for our family, maybe that's something you should take over. That way if he doesn't have a backbone he can put it on you, lol. I agree it's time to have less contact with her except when only necessary. Your husband can talk directly to schools and doctors. |
Anonymous
Wow, that's a lot. How many kids? |
Anonymous
"They" don't need to do anything. Op can't dictate if her husband speaks to his ex or not. That's his relationship to manage. My husband can get irritated with his ex from time to time but if I was like WE need to CUT OFF CONTACT he would laugh in my face and rightfully so. You don't cut off contact with the person who has primary custody of your child and is the gatekeeper to everything going on in their life. Moronic. |
Anonymous
Oh my "gatekeeper", you both empowered her too much like OP and her husband. Get joint then, many other options. You bet OP has a say, it's affecting them, and their finances. Contact definitely needs to be minimized, being a couple is being a WE especially if a outsider is purposely trying to cause trouble. |