Would you leave your spouse if he/she was in an accident that left him/her in a wheelchair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could but I'm also someone who would get an abortion if there were certain abnormalities in my pregnancy. I'm not physically or mentally equipped to care for someone who will be handicapped for the rest of their life. Call me a horrible person, bitch, evil, whatever. It is what it is.

Actually it's good that you are self-aware.

[Anonymous]

I would like to think that I wouldn't. I meant it when I said forever no matter what. However, I'm not there, can't even imagine the realities, and have no idea. An acquaintance of mine years ago left her husband several years after he was disabled, and the decision tore her up and wasn't one that she wanted to make, but she ultimately had to for her own sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could but I'm also someone who would get an abortion if there were certain abnormalities in my pregnancy. I'm not physically or mentally equipped to care for someone who will be handicapped for the rest of their life. Call me a horrible person, bitch, evil, whatever. It is what it is.

You're only scum if you hide "what it is" from your potential partner. If it's out there, and the other person is cool with it, there is no problem.

[Anonymous]

Most (if not all) of you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm suprised so many people are put off by the possibility of a wheelchair for their partner or themselves. If you think about it, wheelchair is not the end of the world. In fact, it's very far from the end of the world for either the person or their family. Things can be so much worse than wheelchair, that your fear of it makes me chuckle. You naive sheltered people. May life never show you true horror.

eh, I would rather have a spouse in a wheelchair than a spouse with Alzheimer's but neither situation is ideal.

How many couples' situations are ideal? At least in their view I could see falling apart if the person became quadraplegic or something. Wheelchair? NBG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to think that I wouldn't. I meant it when I said forever no matter what. However, I'm not there, can't even imagine the realities, and have no idea. An acquaintance of mine years ago left her husband several years after he was disabled, and the decision tore her up and wasn't one that she wanted to make, but she ultimately had to for her own sanity.

What was the disability? And what did her husband end up doing after she left him?

[Anonymous]

Wow, so few romantics here.

Of course I wouldn't. Life has thrown enough at me over the years I know there are no guarantees; that's not going to prevent me from making and keeping commitments.

[Anonymous]

No, of course not. If we had to get divorced for financial reasons, so he could get medical financial help, I would--but I would not leave him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm suprised so many people are put off by the possibility of a wheelchair for their partner or themselves. If you think about it, wheelchair is not the end of the world. In fact, it's very far from the end of the world for either the person or their family. Things can be so much worse than wheelchair, that your fear of it makes me chuckle. You naive sheltered people. May life never show you true horror.

My father became disabled when I was 8. My mother never in a million years would have left him. He was a great dad and husband.
This was before wheelchair ramps were everywhere so life is hard,

I like how most of you people are only thinking of your own personal comfort. I would hope that most people would go deeper than self preservation at the expense of everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you see the "Theory of Everything?" It appears, in then end, that Jane was not prepared to be a lifelong caregiver no matter how idealistic and determined she was from the beginning.

Also in that movie they expected him to die within a couple of years. Turned out he lived, and lived, and lived .... I realize that sounds crass, but she could see how she could handle a temporary assignment, but that temporary assignment turned out to be permanent caregiver.

Yes, and look what his living, living and living has done for our understanding of the universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to think that I wouldn't. I meant it when I said forever no matter what. However, I'm not there, can't even imagine the realities, and have no idea. An acquaintance of mine years ago left her husband several years after he was disabled, and the decision tore her up and wasn't one that she wanted to make, but she ultimately had to for her own sanity.

What was the disability? And what did her husband end up doing after she left him?

My understanding was that it was trauma related, involved paralysis from the neck down, as well as some pretty serious personality changes. I'm not sure what happened afterwards. This was many years ago and we have lost touch. Although I know as much as I posted, we weren't all that close to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to think that I wouldn't. I meant it when I said forever no matter what. However, I'm not there, can't even imagine the realities, and have no idea. An acquaintance of mine years ago left her husband several years after he was disabled, and the decision tore her up and wasn't one that she wanted to make, but she ultimately had to for her own sanity.

What was the disability? And what did her husband end up doing after she left him?

My understanding was that it was trauma related, involved paralysis from the neck down, as well as some pretty serious personality changes. I'm not sure what happened afterwards. This was many years ago and we have lost touch. Although I know as much as I posted, we weren't all that close to begin with.

It's unfortunate there is no adequate support for families like this. I agree with PP: If divorce would get the injured spouse the support they needed, it would be the right thing to do. At least on paper.

[Anonymous]

I would have to have a really strong marriage and be ridiculously in love with my husband to stay married/take care of a wheelchair bound man.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't. Then again, DH has an illness that makes his chances of ending up in a wheelchair sooner or later very high and I knew this going in. The calculus is different for me, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't. Then again, DH has an illness that makes his chances of ending up in a wheelchair sooner or later very high and I knew this going in. The calculus is different for me, I guess.

Sorry, I just re-read what I wrote and realized it could come off as snarky. I just mean that I went into this relationship knowing my husband could likely end up needing a wheelchair or some other assistive device so if he was in one, it wouldn't be that unexpected for me. I had to decide a long time ago whether I was up for something like that and I made my decision.