Would you leave your spouse if he/she was in an accident that left him/her in a wheelchair?

[Anonymous]

One would hope we'd stay together. But things change. HE might leave ME if he were in a wheelchair. You just don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One would hope we'd stay together. But things change. HE might leave ME if he were in a wheelchair. You just don't know.

Not exactly the same, but I know someone who was diagnosed with a brain tumor and that was the catalyst for finally leaving his wife. His thought was I'd rather be alone than go through this with her. So I think it goes back to how strong the marriage was before the crisis hit.

[Anonymous]

If he can't have sex, am I allowed to get my sexual needs met elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. BUT if he was mean to me while in that wheelchair yes I would.

This. Only if he became abusive after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could understand if the spouse became abusive like in the case of your parents.

According to my friend he's a sweet guy. I've met him once and he seemed nice.

Maybe he was not nice before the accident, who knows.

Best not to judge others or say "I would never" .. because life has a way of proving you wrong.

This. Maybe they weren't compatible, had grown apart before the accident and simply having to spend more time together was too much.

I have a friend who delayed leaving her husband because he got very ill. Their marriage was falling apart beforehand, but she felt like she couldn't leave him while he was ill. But something permanent, like paralysis? Maybe the marriage was on the rocks beforehand, and they would have divorced anyway.

I like to think I would not leave my spouse if he had such an accident, but I don't know for sure. Maybe he would become a total self-centered emotionally and verbally abusive jerk, in which case, I'd probably leave him. If he stayed a decent person, I probably wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. But I saw my mom get cancer and die when I was a teenager. I learned early on that crap happens in life. No one is promised an easy path. The measure of who you are as a person isn't what you do when times are good, it's how you handle times that are bad.

The sister of a friend of mine developed cancer in her 40's. She had young kids, and the husband left while she was being treated. Knowing how my mother's illness impacted me as a child, I was truly horrified that he would do that to his wife, and also his children. I think it was a really crappy thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you see the "Theory of Everything?" It appears, in then end, that Jane was not prepared to be a lifelong caregiver no matter how idealistic and determined she was from the beginning.

Also in that movie they expected him to die within a couple of years. Turned out he lived, and lived, and lived .... I realize that sounds crass, but she could see how she could handle a temporary assignment, but that temporary assignment turned out to be permanent caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One would hope we'd stay together. But things change. HE might leave ME if he were in a wheelchair. You just don't know.

Not exactly the same, but I know someone who was diagnosed with a brain tumor and that was the catalyst for finally leaving his wife. His thought was I'd rather be alone than go through this with her. So I think it goes back to how strong the marriage was before the crisis hit.

No, I agree, it isn't the same at all. But I've thought the same thing ... it could be the thing that makes you realize how rotten things are and, as you said, that you'd rather be alone than with spouse.

[Anonymous]

I have a close relative in exactly this situation, except spouse is wheelchair bound due to chronic illness rather than an accident. It's been hell for her, honestly, yet they've stayed together. She gets angry sometimes but I don't think she'd feel right about leaving. They still laugh and have fun together, but her world has constricted because of her husband's condition. She sometimes will get away for a long weekend with friends or other family, and this respite really helps.

[Anonymous]

I'm suprised so many people are put off by the possibility of a wheelchair for their partner or themselves. If you think about it, wheelchair is not the end of the world. In fact, it's very far from the end of the world for either the person or their family. Things can be so much worse than wheelchair, that your fear of it makes me chuckle. You naive sheltered people. May life never show you true horror.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I could but I'm also someone who would get an abortion if there were certain abnormalities in my pregnancy. I'm not physically or mentally equipped to care for someone who will be handicapped for the rest of their life. Call me a horrible person, bitch, evil, whatever. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

You're sure it was just the wheel chair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm suprised so many people are put off by the possibility of a wheelchair for their partner or themselves. If you think about it, wheelchair is not the end of the world. In fact, it's very far from the end of the world for either the person or their family. Things can be so much worse than wheelchair, that your fear of it makes me chuckle. You naive sheltered people. May life never show you true horror.

eh, I would rather have a spouse in a wheelchair than a spouse with Alzheimer's but neither situation is ideal.

[Anonymous]

You don't know the whole story of the guys relationship. All you've heard is the version your friend wants to tell you of the version the guy wanted to tell his new girlfriend. The relationship could have been ending anyway. He might have had his side piece in the car with him when it wrecked. Maybe he became impossible and abusive. Maybe the ex was just a bad person. Who knows!

Would I leave? I hope not and I hope to never have to find out for sure.