Why did he lie about something stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

OP, are there hotels between your work and his, or close enough?

Yes. We work in the city.

Thanks for replying....as someone said earlier, 2 hours is enough time for a quickie and a hotel would provide a method of accomplishing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

OP, are there hotels between your work and his, or close enough?

Yes. We work in the city.

Thanks for replying....as someone said earlier, 2 hours is enough time for a quickie and a hotel would provide a method of accomplishing that.

In fairness, so would ten minutes and a small SUV. Or a supply closet. Or an office with a door.

Actually, two hours is more like a quickie, plus room service, plus another quickie, and maybe an episode of Sports Center before a shower and leisurely stroll back to the office.

[Anonymous]

Does he always tell you where he's going for lunch? Or does he just say "I'm going to lunch" but on jimmy johns day he was more specific? I ask because I've seen people make up needlessly elaborate cover stories.

If I were you I would say nothing. Liars don't usually confess unless they're faced with a lot of evidence. What I would do is the next time he takes a long lunch like this, when he returns tell him you should both take the afternoon off for a quickie. Basically, if you think he's having sex with someone else, try to get him to have sex as soon as possible afterwards. Refractory periods don't lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that gets me is he was gone for 2 hours, which is just the right amount of time for a quickie. That and his weird behavior are tell tales to me.

I don't know how you can sleep with him with this hanging over you. I would confront him in a silly way, sort of humorously: "okay so where were you REALLY yesterday? There is no jimmy johns over there, so what's going on, goofy?" and see what he says. Catch him off guard.

But I wouldn't sleep with him with this out there. Who knows WHAT he has been doing with his little jimmy john.

OP, are there hotels between your work and his, or close enough?

Yes. We work in the city.

Thanks for replying....as someone said earlier, 2 hours is enough time for a quickie and a hotel would provide a method of accomplishing that.

In fairness, so would ten minutes and a small SUV. Or a supply closet. Or an office with a door.

Actually, two hours is more like a quickie, plus room service, plus another quickie, and maybe an episode of Sports Center before a shower and leisurely stroll back to the office.

Female and NP here, but that sounds like heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he always tell you where he's going for lunch? Or does he just say "I'm going to lunch" but on jimmy johns day he was more specific? I ask because I've seen people make up needlessly elaborate cover stories.

If I were you I would say nothing. Liars don't usually confess unless they're faced with a lot of evidence. What I would do is the next time he takes a long lunch like this, when he returns tell him you should both take the afternoon off for a quickie. Basically, if you think he's having sex with someone else, try to get him to have sex as soon as possible afterwards. Refractory periods don't lie.

Neither do STUds. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I'd totally follow him the next few times he "goes out with the guys."

[Anonymous]

He was going to buy you a birthday present. He stinks at lying. Don't read into other opinions.

[Anonymous]

If he was buying a gift, you'll see it eventually. You could check credit card statements. If he was cheating, and you try to have an honest discussion about the lie, you will send him into coverup mode and you'll be left wondering until he slips up again - which he'll be very careful not to. Better to stay silent but keep your eyes open for anything else.

[Anonymous]

You work a few blocks from him. Just follow him at lunch for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Some men have very short refractory proud. Others really long. I wouldn't count on that.

Also two hours for a quickie? My idea of a quickie is a 15 minute shower with dh .... enough time for a BJ or sex ...

[Anonymous]

Trust that uneasy feeling in your gut. It is there for a good reason.

Usually when people (both men + women) lie about the small stuff, they usually lie about the big-ticket stuff as well.

It's just basic common sense logic.

Definitely discuss it this weekend.
Start off by simply inquiring why the need to lie about lunch that afternoon. Try to find out why the "NEED" was there to tell you what he did.

And make sure his answer is one you can accept. Do not willfully concede to him at all. You will learn to regret that later I promise you.

[Anonymous]

Any update, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP with an update:

I didn't confront him that weekend, but I started paying closer attention, and noticed a lot of strange coincidences. They were all smallish things that on their own wouldn't be a big deal, but there were a lot of these little instances.

Stuff like he had to have a minor medical procedure done and told me he needed to take two days of PTO to recover. I went to the same doctor for a consultation on the same procedure and was told I could go back to work as soon as the procedure was done. We both have plenty of PTO, and I swear I would not care if he just wanted to take time off to sit on the couch and binge on House of Cards or whatever. So why lie about that?

On Friday, we were going to have a lunch date, but he had a call with a (named) west coast consults any at noon (EDT) so he couldn't go until 1. I didn't hear anything from him until 2, and he said at that point it was too late for lunch. I asked who his call had been with, and he gave me the name of a different consultant (who is local). In a vacuum, I would say maybe he got his calls mixed up, or maybe the second one came up during the first, but there's a pattern of these little mishaps.

So anyway, I am leaving. I have thought about it, and I have no interest in playing Sherlock Holmes and looking for real evidence of an affair or something. The lying is enough for me to call it quits. And I don't think this is something we can counsel away. I am not going to get to a play where I am OK with his lying, and I think counseling will just make him better at hiding it.

I am going to call for an appointment with an attorney and a therapist on Monday so that I can come up with a plan. I felt like crap on Friday afternoon, and I broke down crying in the shower yesterday, but other than that, I am holding it together pretty well. I think discovering this bit by bit over two months has gradually numbed me, and allowed me to distance myself a little emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask him about the lies?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he had lunch with somebody and didn't want to tell you. Not necessarily a would-be affair partner, but maybe an old flame and just didn't want to make it a big deal. Still, a bad thing to do, but that would be one reason I'd tell a stupid lie like this.