What do I need to know about dating and possibly marrying a widowed father with young kids?

[Anonymous]

Joe Biden remarried a teacher. Seems to have worked out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was dating a year after she died? Nice

With kids that age, I think that is troubling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not their mom.

He misses his wife.

You'll always be the second choice.

[Anonymous]

I disagree OP. See where it goes and what you want for your own future. Do you want children someday?
Would he want more with you?
I would get those answers because if I wanted my own kids, and he didn't I wouldn't waste anymore time.
As for the Saint stuff, see for yourself. Is he going to have her pictures up if you end up serious? If there are shrines etc. then of course, but many people successfully move on. I know two widows who couldn't stand their husbands and moved on in 6 mo...seriously..that's another thread but my point is you never know what their relationship was and life goes on.

This will be much easier than a divorced dad with a ex. The kids are young but you will be their only mother. Are you willing to do that?

If everything is looking good, give it more time.

[Anonymous]

The hurtful things PPs are saying are sort of true, and that's ok.

Yes, he will miss his wife - why wouldn't he? Yes, he is looking for a new mommy for the kids - wouldn't you if you were in his position? Yes, it's complicated and the kids would grow up remembering only you as their mom, but they would also have "baggage" and that will be difficult to navigate with regard to little things (where do photos of their bio mom go in the house?) and big things (how is bio mom's family involved versus your family?).

Think about those things: where DO photos of the mom go? Are you ok navigating Thanksgivings that rotate between his parents, your parents, and HER parents? Do you want a biological child? Does he really want another? Can you agree to be flexible about this after seeing how things go (maybe these children will be "enough" for you)? Is adoption important to you and how does he feel about that (if he says "never" I'd not be ok with that).

When will you meet the kids. Or have you discussed this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree OP. See where it goes and what you want for your own future. Do you want children someday?
Would he want more with you?
I would get those answers because if I wanted my own kids, and he didn't I wouldn't waste anymore time.
As for the Saint stuff, see for yourself. Is he going to have her pictures up if you end up serious? If there are shrines etc. then of course, but many people successfully move on. I know two widows who couldn't stand their husbands and moved on in 6 mo[b]...seriously..that's another thread but my point is you never know what their relationship was and life goes on.

This will be much easier than a divorced dad with a ex. The kids are young but you will be their only mother. Are you willing to do that?

If everything is looking good, give it more time.

Widow here. I was dating 3 months after DH died. Never saw any reason to remarry.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

It's hard to say about adoption having not met the kids in general though I would be open to that. It's a different situation but I know I can love a kid that's not biologically mine.

I do want bio kids and he has said he would be open to having more kids depending on the situation .

As for photos I have not been to his house. His kids are there and he does not want to have women spending the night. I respect that. He does have photos of her on his phone with the kids. I'm fine with that. I wouldn't ever want him to feel like he has to hide that or if we stay together the kids couldn't ask about mom.

Not sure when I'll meet the kids, but he does want me to meet his sister who he is close to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

It's hard to say about adoption having not met the kids in general though I would be open to that. It's a different situation but I know I can love a kid that's not biologically mine.

I do want bio kids and he has said he would be open to having more kids depending on the situation .

As for photos I have not been to his house. His kids are there and he does not want to have women spending the night. I respect that. He does have photos of her on his phone with the kids. I'm fine with that. I wouldn't ever want him to feel like he has to hide that or if we stay together the kids couldn't ask about mom.

Not sure when I'll meet the kids, but he does want me to meet his sister who he is close to.

A little odd he is wanting you to meet the sister before his kids. After 6 mo I think at least you could meet them (kids) at a restaurant or something and be introduced as a friend. I think it's admirable he is being careful, it shows character. So far it sounds good since he's open to having more bio kids.
I don't see any problem with this relationship. If he had a living ex, then I would say move on. The exes cause more problems then the kids themselves.

[Anonymous]

"He said he would be open to having more kids depending on the situation".

OP What situation would that be?