Why do single moms and divorcees message me...

[Anonymous]

Honestly, why don't you just view this as a good screening mechanism - people who don't respect your clearly stated relationship preferences are clearly not right for you. So, you can politely end contact without any feelings of guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. There's a lot of non starter things for people looking for relationships. Date what /who you want, and I think it's great that you've put it out there in your profile.

It tells me, as a non-divorced, childless woman that you are probably uptight and judgemental, and will always hold grudges, and hold mistakes or people's pasts against them. So, it will save me lots of time by not replying to you in the first place.

As a divorced guy who has tried to date after my divorce I can tell you for a fact that a significant portion of non-divorced women have the exact same criteria. They do not want to date a divorced man. I've been told this many times. Their rationale varies but I've found a few concerns (1) they are concerned that divorced people are less likely to stay married because its easier to walk out the second time (2) they are concerned they have emotional baggage left over from the first marriage (3) they are concerned about their parents accepting them dating a divorced guy (yes, I've been told this).

All of these are valid concerns.... for either a man or a woman... why would you belittle his preference by labeling him like that? Maybe he simply is trying to increase his chance of a successful marriage and he thinks similarly to the women I've been meeting.

Not the PP you're responding to, but hey, it takes all kinds. Easier to walk out the second time? Great. Why would you want to stay with a person who wants to leave but doesn't, because it is not "easy" for them for whatever reason? I'm all for easy partings, if the reality calls for it. I never wanted to be with anybody who reluctantly has to stay married to me, because it is too much of a hassle to get divorced. Everybody past twelve can boast some emotional baggage, so who's to say marriage baggage is worse than a crappy childhood or a traumatic past event? As far as parents' approval, this takes the whole discussion into the nonsensical territory. So I tend to agree with PP who call OP's reasons for being so rigid somewhat immature. Then again, a mature man in his 30s is a rarity. Most guys don't start making any sense whatsoever until early forties.

[Anonymous]

So based on the posts above I guess it is safe to assume that either men or women with disagree with dating a divorced person is being irrational and that either sex should be totally open to divorced people because not doing so makes them immature and judgmental. OK. Got it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you date divorcees?

I'm 31 , not 51. I don't need any extra drama or baggage. If I was a divorcee, then I would be ok with it. I would rather date a widow than a divorcee.

I'm the same age and I wouldn't want to date a divorced man either. As for why they ignore your preference some people always believe they are the exception to the rule.


That and dating sites can be messy in that they show people a bunch of matches, and some people just message anyone they are matched with and don't go over the profiles carefully.

I used to feel the same way. Then I saw some very close friends (a couple male, one female) go through a divorce. They were still amazing people and I think they'd be great in relationships. In my dating days I was probably too quick to avoid people who were divorced.