Why do single moms and divorcees message me...

[Anonymous]

Seems to me, as a single mom or divorcee I wouldn't want to date somebody who didn't want to date me either.

Seems win-win for him to be up-front and clear on what he does not want.

Props for being honest, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame op. When my husband and I got married, it was the first time for both of us. Our first time each looking at engagement rings together. Our first time choosing a wedding venue. Our first time doing all of that stuff. It was a new adventure for both of us and it was nice that we were both new at it. Now that we have been married for almost 5 years with a child, we both like that, again, the whole trip has been new for both of us.

But some other people don't care about that, which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 31, if you were such a great catch, you wouldn't be trolling all the dating websites.

Dear greatgrandma, I thought you were dead?

[Anonymous]

OP you are allowed to have whatever preferences you want. From what I understand people don't often read the entire dating profile so they might miss that tidbit.

But I would caution you about the "ticking boxes" phenomenon...we are human beings as a whole and not just the sum of our parts.

Example, a friend of mine is a great guy, makes great money, cute face, triathlete, honest etc etc. He was having trouble meeting girls online because he is 5'11" and lots of girls tick 6 feet or over as a criterion. Those women missed out on quite a catch! He's now married to a smart girl and he's a devoted father to their DD.

[Anonymous]

OK... so several pervious posters are getting all over this guy for not wanting to date a divorcee with kids. Why are you all over him about this but in other threads about "would you date a divorced dad with kids" everyone is saying to stay away because of the extra drama and the burden of being a step-mom and that the kids will not like you.

Double standard is what I see.

[Anonymous]

I get the kids part. A man with kids would be my last choice (I didn't have kids either). But divorcees? I honestly don't get the rationale. FWIW, I married a widower, no kids. I have not been divorced, not yet, anyway. Still, I don't understand what "drama" comes along with divorced people if they don't have common children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. There's a lot of non starter things for people looking for relationships. Date what /who you want, and I think it's great that you've put it out there in your profile.

It tells me, as a non-divorced, childless woman that you are probably uptight and judgemental, and will always hold grudges, and hold mistakes or people's pasts against them. So, it will save me lots of time by not replying to you in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. There's a lot of non starter things for people looking for relationships. Date what /who you want, and I think it's great that you've put it out there in your profile.

It tells me, as a non-divorced, childless woman that you are probably uptight and judgemental, and will always hold grudges, and hold mistakes or people's pasts against them. So, it will save me lots of time by not replying to you in the first place.

As a divorced guy who has tried to date after my divorce I can tell you for a fact that a significant portion of non-divorced women have the exact same criteria. They do not want to date a divorced man. I've been told this many times. Their rationale varies but I've found a few concerns (1) they are concerned that divorced people are less likely to stay married because its easier to walk out the second time (2) they are concerned they have emotional baggage left over from the first marriage (3) they are concerned about their parents accepting them dating a divorced guy (yes, I've been told this).

All of these are valid concerns.... for either a man or a woman... why would you belittle his preference by labeling him like that? Maybe he simply is trying to increase his chance of a successful marriage and he thinks similarly to the women I've been meeting.

[Anonymous]

46 year old divorced mom here .... The same reason that I got messages from fat men when I was very clear that I was only interested in fit men who take good care of themselves. Likewise I would get messages from 30 year olds when I was explicit that I was only interested in mature men over 40. It's a numbers game, many people message dozens of people in hopes of getting one response back.

I'm finally off the dating sites after kissing many frogs. Hopefully it will stay that way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:46 year old divorced mom here .... The same reason that I got messages from fat men when I was very clear that I was only interested in fit men who take good care of themselves. Likewise I would get messages from 30 year olds when I was explicit that I was only interested in mature men over 40. It's a numbers game, many people message dozens of people in hopes of getting one response back.

I'm finally off the dating sites after kissing many frogs. Hopefully it will stay that way...

So they have frog positive dating sites? love it!

[Anonymous]

Probably for the same reasons that people who didn't/don't want or like kids messaged this formerly single mom who was upfront about having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you date divorcees?

I'm 31 , not 51. I don't need any extra drama or baggage. If I was a divorcee, then I would be ok with it. I would rather date a widow than a divorcee.

You are very judgmental. You are assuming that if got divorced before age 30, there is baggage. There are people I know that got divorced that do not have kids, so what baggage are you referring to?

I'm not a fan of the term baggage but even without kids there is likely to be additional items if you will to the relationship a never married person does not have,

Try not to take everyone's preferences so personally. OP may not be interested in dating a divorcee, but other guys are.


Once again, I'm amused by the sexism here. The advice to early 30s aged single women here is constantly why are you dating a divorced guy you can have your pick. OP is a man so the responses must be salty.

You're reading a different site. The advice on DCUM to women in their early 30s is that they'd better marry someone and have kids fast before time runs out.

The weirdo judgments and advice is equal opportunity in these parts.

[Anonymous]

I think it's silly to have a criteria like that since you might be missing out on some great people.

However, I always appreciate honestly and if you can't really deal with someone's else kid or ex husband it's good to know that from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I'm so glad to be married and not having to date all you assholes.

You and me both. Also glad I never had to resort to online dating. Met my DH at Columbia business school. I bet NONE of the guys in my graduating class had to use online dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. There's a lot of non starter things for people looking for relationships. Date what /who you want, and I think it's great that you've put it out there in your profile.

It tells me, as a non-divorced, childless woman that you are probably uptight and judgemental, and will always hold grudges, and hold mistakes or people's pasts against them. So, it will save me lots of time by not replying to you in the first place.

As a divorced guy who has tried to date after my divorce I can tell you for a fact that a significant portion of non-divorced women have the exact same criteria. They do not want to date a divorced man. I've been told this many times. Their rationale varies but I've found a few concerns (1) they are concerned that divorced people are less likely to stay married because its easier to walk out the second time (2) they are concerned they have emotional baggage left over from the first marriage (3) they are concerned about their parents accepting them dating a divorced guy (yes, I've been told this).

All of these are valid concerns.... for either a man or a woman... why would you belittle his preference by labeling him like that? Maybe he simply is trying to increase his chance of a successful marriage and he thinks similarly to the women I've been meeting.

I'm labeling him just like he is labeling all divorced people as people with a flaw or having some kind of insurmountable baggage.

One could just as easily say that someone with a divorce behind them is more likely to work on and stay in their future relationships because they have learned something from their divorce - be it that relationships are actually hard work, be it that they have picked poor partners in the past, be it a million and one things. You can infer anything you want before hand. The thing is - you have NO IDEA who these people are. Just like your really have no idea who the other non divorced people are, until you date them and find out. I think it's very nearsighted to judge people before you even meet them.

No one gets to adulthood without some kind of baggage. (This includes unmarried a too, you know - they might be a serial monogomist, scared of commitment, or a jillion other things). So, everyone has a "past" and their own baggage, even if it means they were single and only dated. And the kicker is, there isn't a damn thing you can do about your past. So, for me, i could never date someone like the OP, because he is judging people before he gets to know them because of something they can't change, and something that has no bearing on their current life. Being worried about baggage that you don't know exists or not, and family acceptance says more about the person that is scared to live their own life, than the person who is divorced.