"What does 'sex' mean?" - second grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again - this did not come up in terms of where do babies come from. He was told, for instance, that sex means penises are touching.

Maybe I just go the route of saying that sex is what creates babies.

Well, that's usually a sex act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a second grader not knowing this. I am not sure I'd know how to start at that point. I guess just ask what they think it means, see what they say and either agree or correct any misconceptions.

Give us a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???

Holy mother. Let's talk more about this. I agree with the following post that suggested talking to the teacher. Someone in that class has way too much info about sex and it's not good. maybe he has wonderful parents who need to be informed about a 13 year old older brother's computer habits or maybe he has awful parents, but someone should know and follow up on that.

I'd also reinforce with your son that sex is for adults, NEVER for kids, and never with someone in your family and he was right to feel that way and tell his friend it wasn't okay. I'd say something like, there might be sexual videos on the internet that are not appropriate for kids and that's why our family has rules about computer/tablet use. I'd reiterate that he did the right thing in talking to you about this when he has questions -- you will always answer his questions. But you also want to keep him safe and are worried about his friends, "so please make sure you tell me when kids are talking about sex, so we can talk about it together." (I think that'll last a year or two and realize there will be a point that my son (who's in first grade) won't talk to me about sex or conversations with his friends about it -- but for now I think he would and should, as long as I handle it okay).

All that said, I did know a very inappropriate joke at around second or third grade, but I really didn't understand it at the time (I didn't understand the mechanics that well, or why the joke was awful. I just knew it was "dirty.") But looking back on the joke now, it was actually really disturbing, about male power and coercing/forcing women into sex. My son doesn't know any sexual jokes that I know of and he probably knows less about sex, in general, than he should right now -- I'm ready to answer, but he's never asked and I haven't initiated conversation. Sometimes he tells me jokes with bathroom humor, but he doesn't even completely get those.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

My kids heard the basics when they asked about babies. I explained the physical basics, included that it doesn't always make babies, and was an activity for adults. They thought it was really gross and I explained that it was something like drinking so not every grownup does it and those who do need to be responsible when they do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???

If this was Friday after school, I think you need to email the school counselor or social worker if there is one and schedule a meeting. Tell them you need it to be ASAP, or just show up after drop off Monday. They need to know that this is being discussed in your child's class, and may need to check on the kid who is talking about it. Please don't let it go. You can even tell the counselor that you are at a loss and that you have tried to address the issue with your child (tell them how you handled it - they shouldn't judge and may have some really good advice for follow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???

If this was Friday after school, I think you need to email the school counselor or social worker if there is one and schedule a meeting. Tell them you need it to be ASAP, or just show up after drop off Monday. They need to know that this is being discussed in your child's class, and may need to check on the kid who is talking about it. Please don't let it go. You can even tell the counselor that you are at a loss and that you have tried to address the issue with your child (tell them how you handled it - they shouldn't judge and may have some really good advice for follow up.

+1!

[Anonymous]

This could also be a cry for help form your son's classmate who may be being abused by being at least exposed to very inappropriate porn. I agree to involve school counselor and teacher ASAP.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I plan to send an email to my child's teacher today to a) give her a heads-up, b) tell her how we handled it with our child (in particular that he should not discuss sex with other children and if something comes up he should again tell us), and c) welcome any suggestions she has related to the situation.

I do not plan to name the child, but if she thinks it's important and inquires than I certainly will. I also plan to emphasize the situation is "as reported" from my son. Who knows if my son got details wrong, said another child's name to cover for his friend, etc. I doubt it, but I usually always consider that something might have been lost in translation when he's telling me things.

I think my shock about this particular situation (and other mentions of sex he has passed along) has finally tempered. We've always used correct anatomical terminology with him and answered his questions straightforward. But he never asked where babies came from! That's why we haven't discussed sex with him yet! He has asked how he got out of my body when I was pregnant, c-section, but that's it. I find it hard to believe that most second graders have had discussions with their parents about sex as a PP seemed to suggest.

Thanks again, everyone, for your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

"I'd also reinforce with your son that sex is for adults, NEVER for kids. . ."

I remember masturbating by maybe 7. If by sex you mean sexual feelings and what we do with them, sex is for all humans of all ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'd also reinforce with your son that sex is for adults, NEVER for kids. . ."

I remember masturbating by maybe 7. If by sex you mean sexual feelings and what we do with them, sex is for all humans of all ages.

I meant two people having sex together, which was triggered by the report that a daddy was having sex with his daughter. I meant adults should never pressure or entice kids into having sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I plan to send an email to my child's teacher today to a) give her a heads-up, b) tell her how we handled it with our child (in particular that he should not discuss sex with other children and if something comes up he should again tell us), and c) welcome any suggestions she has related to the situation.

I do not plan to name the child, but if she thinks it's important and inquires than I certainly will. I also plan to emphasize the situation is "as reported" from my son. Who knows if my son got details wrong, said another child's name to cover for his friend, etc. I doubt it, but I usually always consider that something might have been lost in translation when he's telling me things.

I think my shock about this particular situation (and other mentions of sex he has passed along) has finally tempered. We've always used correct anatomical terminology with him and answered his questions straightforward. But he never asked where babies came from! That's why we haven't discussed sex with him yet! He has asked how he got out of my body when I was pregnant, c-section, but that's it. I find it hard to believe that most second graders have had discussions with their parents about sex as a PP seemed to suggest.

Thanks again, everyone, for your thoughts.

OP, that sounds like a good plan. Will you come back and tell us how the teacher responds and if there are any more developments? I have a 6 year old and would like to know, in case needed for future reference. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'd also reinforce with your son that sex is for adults, NEVER for kids. . ."

I remember masturbating by maybe 7. If by sex you mean sexual feelings and what we do with them, sex is for all humans of all ages.

Yeah, OK. Riiighhht. "Johnny, sex is for all ages, so by all means, partake!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'd also reinforce with your son that sex is for adults, NEVER for kids. . ."

I remember masturbating by maybe 7. If by sex you mean sexual feelings and what we do with them, sex is for all humans of all ages.

Yeah, OK. Riiighhht. "Johnny, sex is for all ages, so by all means, partake!"

^^not sure why that emoji came up but it was supposed to be a

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???

If this was Friday after school, I think you need to email the school counselor or social worker if there is one and schedule a meeting. Tell them you need it to be ASAP, or just show up after drop off Monday. They need to know that this is being discussed in your child's class, and may need to check on the kid who is talking about it. Please don't let it go. You can even tell the counselor that you are at a loss and that you have tried to address the issue with your child (tell them how you handled it - they shouldn't judge and may have some really good advice for follow up.

+1!

That is horrifying. If someone is reporting a video of a daddy having sex with his daughter, that needs to be investigated.

It should come as no surprise that 2nd graders talk about sex. However, the idea that one may be forced to do it with her parent is very upsetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I plan to send an email to my child's teacher today to a) give her a heads-up, b) tell her how we handled it with our child (in particular that he should not discuss sex with other children and if something comes up he should again tell us), and c) welcome any suggestions she has related to the situation.

I do not plan to name the child, but if she thinks it's important and inquires than I certainly will. I also plan to emphasize the situation is "as reported" from my son. Who knows if my son got details wrong, said another child's name to cover for his friend, etc. I doubt it, but I usually always consider that something might have been lost in translation when he's telling me things.

I think my shock about this particular situation (and other mentions of sex he has passed along) has finally tempered. We've always used correct anatomical terminology with him and answered his questions straightforward. But he never asked where babies came from! That's why we haven't discussed sex with him yet! He has asked how he got out of my body when I was pregnant, c-section, but that's it. I find it hard to believe that most second graders have had discussions with their parents about sex as a PP seemed to suggest.

Thanks again, everyone, for your thoughts.

Please don't hesitate to use the child's name you could be saving his/her life. The teachers and staff at school can do the work from there.