"What does 'sex' mean?" - second grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

Best answer yet, IMO. I would be inclusive in my answer about sex (not exclude gay and lesbian sex) and I would not get bogged down in the technical difference in sex and sodomy because I think that the spirit of the question isn't "where do babies come from" but "what is sexual behavior."

I think I'd also throw in there a comment about how sex is for adults and ask about how this came up, etc. I'd guide him through a conversation that reinforced that sex is not for kids and if he hears kids talking about sex or doing things that are sexual or like sex, he should tell you. (kids experiment in surprising ways, plus you want to guard against abuse).

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Getting back to basics.

[Anonymous]

14:21 HERE: you all are getting way, way too complex for a 6 YEAR OLD!

OP, keep the answers as simple as possible and as tailored to your DC's needs as possible. Don't let the projections and issues of DCUM posters cloud what should be a basic discussion of mechanics.

Also ask your child why the curiosity? Did DC see a mom with a pregnant belly? Is a classmate's mom or a teacher going to have a baby? Did somebody say something on the playground?

The important point is to focus on DC's needs, not DCUM posters' issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

As a Gay Mom I love this answer, Hopefully I will remember it when my 3yo asks me.

[Anonymous]

Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

You are way off the topic with your personal opinions about what is "normal". Also, please stop your annoying habit of asking about posts that have been subject to moderation within discussion threads. If you must ask, ask in Website Feedback. Because I have addressed this with you previously, I will simply delete posts of this sort in the future rather than responding to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really, really recommend this series of books. Start with the first one.

It's Not The Stork
It's So Amazing
It's Perfectly Normal

As you say, you want your child to get reliable, correct information, and presumably you'd prefer your child to get it from you than from the playground. So start the conversation now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

I don't like that explanation because it does not really give the idea of consent. Although it sounds somewhat sexist to say the woman "allows" the man to have sex, I think that is a healthy way to explain it (to a boy) because it reflects the generally reality of the woman being the one to say yes or no, and her consent being important. I wouldn't want to convey the message that a boy is ever entitled to sex or that it is inevitable. I think it is fine to tailor the message to your child's gender and presumed sexuality (and your own family charActeristics ) first and broaden the explanations later. The ultimate goal is to open up a healthy dialogue for questions and accurate information, so I think that attitude is more important than getting into all the possible variations in the very first conversation.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine a second grader not knowing this. I am not sure I'd know how to start at that point. I guess just ask what they think it means, see what they say and either agree or correct any misconceptions.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

You are way off the topic with your personal opinions about what is "normal". Also, please stop your annoying habit of asking about posts that have been subject to moderation within discussion threads. If you must ask, ask in Website Feedback. Because I have addressed this with you previously, I will simply delete posts of this sort in the future rather than responding to them.

I'm not off topic. The question was raised about whether to discuss gay sex. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

I don't like that explanation because it does not really give the idea of consent. Although it sounds somewhat sexist to say the woman "allows" the man to have sex, I think that is a healthy way to explain it (to a boy) because it reflects the generally reality of the woman being the one to say yes or no, and her consent being important. I wouldn't want to convey the message that a boy is ever entitled to sex or that it is inevitable. I think it is fine to tailor the message to your child's gender and presumed sexuality (and your own family charActeristics ) first and broaden the explanations later. The ultimate goal is to open up a healthy dialogue for questions and accurate information, so I think that attitude is more important than getting into all the possible variations in the very first conversation.

I think you should make sure your son knows that men need to consent also. They get pressured too! I like the explanation instead of saying "because it feels good" I would instead, or add "if they both want to" and then the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

Best answer yet, IMO. I would be inclusive in my answer about sex (not exclude gay and lesbian sex) and I would not get bogged down in the technical difference in sex and sodomy because I think that the spirit of the question isn't "where do babies come from" but "what is sexual behavior."

+1. Good answer. I might change some specifics if I were using this explanation for my kids, but something like this is how I would approach it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Because that's what a 6-year-old needs to know. This isn't a high school sex ed class. It's answering a child's questions.

Is anyone on DCUM ever capable of putting questions in context?

Ever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - by bad information, I mean incorrect information from schoolmates.

That's why I started explaining early. To educate him correctly before hearing all the stupid stuff. We used the series that includes "it's Not the Stork."