"What does 'sex' mean?" - second grader

[Anonymous]

How have you responded/explained for those ages 7-9?

Child is already getting bad information and I said we'd talk about it later, when younger sibling not around.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. My son is a 6 year old first grader and I explained sex when he asked several questions about where babies come from.

[Anonymous]

Op here - by bad information, I mean incorrect information from schoolmates.

[Anonymous]

My kid has known the specifics since he was 7. I just tell the truth, what else would you say? He thinks it's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

Not always!

[Anonymous]

Op again - this did not come up in terms of where do babies come from. He was told, for instance, that sex means penises are touching.

Maybe I just go the route of saying that sex is what creates babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

Not always!

lol.. I would skip the "it feels good" part. Just tell them the mechanics. And do mention that is how babies are made.

[Anonymous]

I would not send younger sibling away. Sex is something for grownups who care about each other very much. The woman's body has a hole between her legs that the man's penis can go into. Sometimes the man's penis puts a seed there and a baby grows.

Then wait. Answer any questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. My son is a 6 year old first grader and I explained sex when he asked several questions about where babies come from.

+1! There are plenty of books in the library, if that helps. I've had the talk when the kids asked about moms who were visibly pregnant. Basically, DH and I would keep it simple, focusing mostly on conception and development of the baby anyway.

I don't remember exactly what we said, but the basic message kids that age want to know is where the baby came from, how it's growing and when it will come. Heavy detail is not necessary and may be confusing. The best way to approach it is to answer their questions from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not send younger sibling away. Sex is something for grownups who care about each other very much. The woman's body has a hole between her legs that the man's penis can go into. Sometimes the man's penis puts a seed there and a baby grows.

Then wait. Answer any questions.

Gay sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

Something like this, but I think I'd say:

"When two people love each other very much, they can decide to have sex. This is when the man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina."

And then see if he follows up with questions. Answer them correctly, with the right anatomical words, but don't put too much spin or emotion into it. You can also let him know if he ever has questions, he can ask you, not matter what they are.

Personally I'd answer that question in front of the younger child, but that's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again - this did not come up in terms of where do babies come from. He was told, for instance, that sex means penises are touching.

Maybe I just go the route of saying that sex is what creates babies.

This leads to the question of who's telling him that and why and also who do you want telling your child such information and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

[Anonymous]

14:25 again - not to mention.. she "allows" him to put his penis in her vagina? Your kids are already going to grow up thinking that the burden of consent and decision making is always on the female when it comes to sex - don't start setting them up to think like this from the beginning.

Sex and consent are dyadic processes. If you have a son, he needs to understand the role males play in the emotional and consent-based issues around sex. If you have a daughter, she needs to understand that she has bodily autonomy and never has to "allow" anything to happen - teach her to be an active decision maker. If you're used to just letting things happen, it's a lot harder to say no when something you don't want to happen starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

This is a really narrow and inaccurate way to present sex. It's not always a man and a woman. They don't always really love each other. A baby doesn't always come of it. If you don't consider the implications of your kids hearing messages like this, you're setting your kids up to struggle more once they start encountering sex without parental guidance. Set them up for how things really are, not your little heterosexual fantasy where they're always in love and only do it once a year to make a baby.

"Sex is something that adults do together, because it feels good and is a way for them to show they care about each other. They might touch each other's genitals, and there's usually lots of kissing and cuddling. When a man and woman have sex, they can make a baby too! But lots of different types of couples have sex."

If your kid seems like they want more details about mechanics or how a baby comes of it, tell them. Let them lead. They'll be back with more questions soon.

Best answer yet, IMO. I would be inclusive in my answer about sex (not exclude gay and lesbian sex) and I would not get bogged down in the technical difference in sex and sodomy because I think that the spirit of the question isn't "where do babies come from" but "what is sexual behavior."