"What does 'sex' mean?" - second grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Because that's what a 6-year-old needs to know. This isn't a high school sex ed class. It's answering a child's questions.

Is anyone on DCUM ever capable of putting questions in context?

Ever?

Have you ever considered that there's a reason some of us don't want to separate sex and sexuality? I don't want my kids growing up thinking that baby-making and sex as an emotional experience are two different things. Children start exploring their own sexual identities WAY before they start seriously wondering about baby-making and how that applies to them. I'd rather situate my kids in a way that they understand that sex is first and foremost an emotional activity, not a reproductive one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Because that's what a 6-year-old needs to know. This isn't a high school sex ed class. It's answering a child's questions.

Is anyone on DCUM ever capable of putting questions in context?

Ever?

According to OP, that was not the child's question. She said this did not come up in the context of babies, but in the context of penises touching. The baby-making explanation is important to give, but it's not the answer to what the child is asking in this instance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:25 again - not to mention.. she "allows" him to put his penis in her vagina? Your kids are already going to grow up thinking that the burden of consent and decision making is always on the female when it comes to sex - don't start setting them up to think like this from the beginning.

Sex and consent are dyadic processes. If you have a son, he needs to understand the role males play in the emotional and consent-based issues around sex. If you have a daughter, she needs to understand that she has bodily autonomy and never has to "allow" anything to happen - teach her to be an active decision maker. If you're used to just letting things happen, it's a lot harder to say no when something you don't want to happen starts.

I don't disagree with any of this in concept, I do think you're WAY over-thinking it for the eight year old crowd.

Here's how I would explain it:

"Remember when you asked where babies come from? And I explained the whole penis-in-the-vagina thing? That's sex. It's something that adults do, but not kids. It's just not a kid thing. Anyway, how did this come up? [Confused look] Someone said sex is when two penises rub together?"

Sit back and let your DC share the context -- who brought it up etc. If it were me, I'd listen for as long as DC was willing to talk. If anything DC said raised a flag, I'd probably ask a question or two about penises -- did that person want to show you his? Ask to see yours? But ONLY if DC shared something that sounded sketchy. Otherwise, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I'd just assume it was some kid talking with authority about something he knew nothing about. That part is typical eight year old behavior, in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Because that's what a 6-year-old needs to know. This isn't a high school sex ed class. It's answering a child's questions.

Is anyone on DCUM ever capable of putting questions in context?

Ever?

Have you ever considered that there's a reason some of us don't want to separate sex and sexuality? I don't want my kids growing up thinking that baby-making and sex as an emotional experience are two different things. Children start exploring their own sexual identities WAY before they start seriously wondering about baby-making and how that applies to them. I'd rather situate my kids in a way that they understand that sex is first and foremost an emotional activity, not a reproductive one.

Ok. Given your take on this, how would you explain sex to a second grader?

[Anonymous]

Skipping the responses to post this amazing book:

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Funny-Word-Bodies-Feelings/dp/1609806069

Very appropriate for 2nd-5th graders. Got if for my niece & nephew for Christmas, and they love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are answering a question about sex with an answer of where babies come from. The vast majority of sex has nothing to do with babies.

Because that's what a 6-year-old needs to know. This isn't a high school sex ed class. It's answering a child's questions.

Is anyone on DCUM ever capable of putting questions in context?

Ever?

Have you ever considered that there's a reason some of us don't want to separate sex and sexuality? I don't want my kids growing up thinking that baby-making and sex as an emotional experience are two different things. Children start exploring their own sexual identities WAY before they start seriously wondering about baby-making and how that applies to them. I'd rather situate my kids in a way that they understand that sex is first and foremost an emotional activity, not a reproductive one.

Ok. Given your take on this, how would you explain sex to a second grader?

I'm the PP who gave an answer above that a few people quoted - talking about how adults have sex because it feels good and helps them express their affection for each other. Think about it... If you're married and have sex 3 times/week, that's 144 times/year. If you're trying to get pregnant, one week of the month it's "reproductive sex", for as long as it takes you to get pregnant. If it's 3 months, that's 9 sessions of "reproductive sex". The other 135 times you have sex that year? Purely for emotional/relationship reasons, not reproductive. So I don't see any reason not to emphasize that reproduction is not the main purpose of sex.

So... I still kind of stick to my original answer. "Sex is something that adults do, to show their affection and feel good. Sometimes when a man and woman have sex, it's to make a baby! (Insert mechanics of that here if your child wants to know). When people have sec, they usually touch each other's genitals and cuddle and kiss lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When a woman really loves a man she allows him to put his penis in her vagina. It feels really good and he plants a seed. And then they grow a baby."

Not always!

lol.. I would skip the "it feels good" part. Just tell them the mechanics. And do mention that is how babies are made.

6 y o are too young to know the mechanics. Let them be children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

I agree with you. They will find out about gay sex later, no need to present as a confusing option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

I agree with you. They will find out about gay sex later, no need to present as a confusing option.

Sex is sex. The genders of the people involved isn't really important. And as an adult, you have a responsibility to not pass your homophobic views onto your children.

[Anonymous]

We have this book and it really has helped. Mine were 4 and 6 when we got it (are 8 and 10 now) and I still catch them reading it once in a while.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452299711&sr=1-1&keywords=it%27s+so+amazing

[Anonymous]

We went over sex--straight, lesbian, and gay--when my kid started asking at age 6. Used proper anatomical terms and told her it's for grown ups to do together, not kids. Because she's into science, we covered ovulation, zygotes, implantation, etc. She thinks the whole thing is funny and gross. Which makes me feel confident that she has never been sexually abused, and if she ever were, she would have the language to tell me. I very much believe that it is nearly impossible for kids to disclose sexual abuse if their parents have never explained consensual sex to them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???[/quote

I'm the 20:09 poster. You see how you were open to talking with your son about this, and in turn he shared information that you want to be aware of. Good job, OP.

I suggest to raise this with the teacher. Either the other kid's parents need to monitor the child's screen time and work with him on appropriate boundaries, or the kid has something else going on at home and he needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for your perspectives. I am thinking we should take the approach of mildly explaining something about sexual behavior (not just people have sex to have babies). But now I am thrown more for a loop with this discussion as in the car this evening my child reported more from classmates on this subject. He said a classmate told him about a video of a "girl and her daddy having sex" and it was "so gross." So my son said he responded by saying that it totally inappropriate and the friend said you can see the video at www.sexyboobies.com (or something like that).

WHAT?!?!?!? I am so at a loss right now, on so many levels. Is sex talk really fodder in second grade???[/quote

I'm the 20:09 poster. You see how you were open to talking with your son about this, and in turn he shared information that you want to be aware of. Good job, OP.

I suggest to raise this with the teacher. Either the other kid's parents need to monitor the child's screen time and work with him on appropriate boundaries, or the kid has something else going on at home and he needs help.

I would call the school guidance counselor for help. At least at our school, the counselor is an excellent resource for parents as well as children.

Without naming the other child, I would explain what your child shared with you and ask for advice on how to talk with him about it.

I would also ask for advice about the other child. Does s/he want or need to know the other child's name in order to follow up with him, or would that be inappropriate information to share with the school?

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was my post about the importance of limiting the discussion to normal sex deleted? It's age-appropriate information. No child needs to hear about sexual deviancy.

I agree with you. They will find out about gay sex later, no need to present as a confusing option.

Sex is sex. The genders of the people involved isn't really important. And as an adult, you have a responsibility to not pass your homophobic views onto your children.

This x 1,000