My parents don't want to vacation with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids and your vacation sounds terrible to me.

I think OP, both you and your parents sound like selfish people not willing to compromise (maybe cut from the same cloth?)

One day, maybe your selfish children can go on a vacation by themselves and all of you can miserably complain about each other!

Can someone recommend a high-end resort with a mud-wrestling theme?

Just read that cardio exercise is great for healthy aging

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they want a more limited relationship with the grandchildren than you want them to have. That stinks, but you can't force them to be more involved than they want to be. If they don't want to vacation with you, it won't be fun for anyone to pressure them into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

We have young kids and I am a hotel snob. There are many nice luxury beach resorts that should meet your parents' and your children's needs. We are going to the Ritz Cayman Island for our next vacation. Rosewood Mayakoba was fantastic for kids and your parents should also be satisfied. I love nice apas and beautiful pools. I also like culture. So so many places to go even if it isn't just a beach vacation. We went to Ocean City last summer and stayed at the Hilton, which was supposedly one of the nicer hotels on the beach. Thought OC was awful and will not be going back.

Your parents do sound a bit selfish though. One day when my children are grown, I will probably be an even bigger hotel snob. I would upgrade my children and grandchildren if they cannot afford it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. My parents are very much like yours, I'm afraid. Somewhat selfish and set in their ways; not interested in just hanging out with the family in a relaxed environment with their grandkids. Most of their contact with their grandchildren over the years has been meeting for special dinners at a restaurant for a couple of hours. Such a shame.

My kids are all grown now and sadly have a cordial but very limited relationship with my parents. By contrast, they've benefitted from a very close, warm and connected relationship with DH's parents (who are the opposite of my parents in these ways-- always up for family travel, willing to babysit and generally just hang out and have fun).

I can't tell you how many years I spent crying to my husband in disappointment about my parents. How many nights I talked about my dream of us having a closer relationship. It didn't happen and eventually I had to mourn that loss. I spent a couple of years being really angry first, trying to change them. It was a process of letting go for me. Maybe for you too? My advice is let yourself be disappointed about your parents but don't get stuck there. Focus on friends and your immediate family. I've built stronger, happier relationships between myself and my children. When they ask me to babysit or go on vacations with them I'll say yes. That brings me satisfaction. Peace to you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Stay at a Ritz that has a kids club, what about the one at Key Biscayne in Miami or the one in Laguna in California. Beaches, the Ritz, kids club, everyone wins!!

If it makes you feel any better, my parents are the same way, except they refuse to stay at my house overnight (they only have when I had a medical emergency, which I very much appreciated). When they visit, they either stay in a hotel or only stay for a few hours. It sucks. I've gotten used to it. They do not allow us to visit them. Seriously, my children have never been in their house. When we go to my hometown, we all have to meet at my brother's house. I generally have a great relationship with both of my parents, as a kid and as an adult. I don't know why they don't want to all be together, but they've made it clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

OP, I am approaching 50 and the absolute last thing I would want to do is vacation with an infant and a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay at a Ritz that has a kids club, what about the one at Key Biscayne in Miami or the one in Laguna in California. Beaches, the Ritz, kids club, everyone wins!!

If it makes you feel any better, my parents are the same way, except they refuse to stay at my house overnight (they only have when I had a medical emergency, which I very much appreciated). When they visit, they either stay in a hotel or only stay for a few hours. It sucks. I've gotten used to it. They do not allow us to visit them. Seriously, my children have never been in their house. When we go to my hometown, we all have to meet at my brother's house. I generally have a great relationship with both of my parents, as a kid and as an adult. I don't know why they don't want to all be together, but they've made it clear.

Maybe because your kids destroy theit house and scream and cry, disturbing their peace. Perhaps you have so many rules that it is easier to see you outside their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

OP, I am approaching 50 and the absolute last thing I would want to do is vacation with an infant and a toddler.

Same here but would love to visit otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from the "fancy" aspect, this was my father.

He tried to tell me that he doesn't dislike any of us or anything (!) but that he raised me, and he has no interest in hanging out "watching us parent" little kids or, horrors, be asked to actually engage with the children in any way. He was a royal asshole and for years I thought my mother felt the same way because he always spoke for the two of them and I could never – literally never – see her alone.

Turns out that he was emotionally abusing her quite a bit and is himself almost a classic narcissistic personality type. We were forced to cut him off several years ago.

My mother miraculously separated from him a couple of years after that and is now free and much happier – and comes to see us frequently and whenever she feels like it, or we feel like it, and she enjoys herself immensely. My kids adore her. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own how much he emotionally abused me for years as well, and then when I saw the way he treated my first child as a toddler the one or two times every other year that he did deign to visit, I called an end to it immediately.

Some parents just don't want to be grandparents. FWIW, my dad went to work at 15 to support his mom and siblings and he felt like he never had any life of his own really – so as soon as his one kid was out of the nest, he decided his life was all his own now and he wasn't going to spend time with anyone unless it was spent sitting around talking about himself. It's sad, but there it is. I think he's off somewhere now traveling the continent in an RV, sucking off the government for unemployment, and reading a lot about conspiracy theories.

It's foul, it is just really is. You have my sympathy, OP, but in a way be glad your kids don't have to be around such selfish people.

I'm sorry, PP. My mom is a lot like this too, and her story sounds a lot like your dad's. She was responsible for others from a very early age. By the time I came along when she was 34, she was just OVER dependents (not sure why she had me then?). Actually, yes I am, it was to worship her and make her feel great about herself. Too bad that didn't work out.

Thanks for saying that – the above portion was my post. That's actually a really good way of putting it. My dad only allowed my mom to have one child – me – and he was great with me apparently when I was a baby, but once I began walking and talking and having opinions (and a lot of my mother's attention), he didn't like that. He was never physically abusive, but mean and manipulative, and I do think he wanted a child that would make him feel important AND important in the eyes of other people. Every accomplishment I ever earned he flaunted to everyone he could as it being HIS accomplishment. He ended up getting what he deserved, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Single aunt here- I don't want to vacation with my brothers kids either. That isn't a vacation, it's a week of them expected me to be a babysitter because they work so hard. Yeah I chose to be child free for a reason and have zero desire to go to OBX when I can be in Belize instead. I go home and visit very frequently (always me flying home, never ever them making an effort to visit me in 10 years) and when I'm home for my 3-5 days I love being an aunt and help out where ever and however I can. But no way am I going on screaming kid vacations to some place in a Carolina where I'm expected to babysit all week. Nope! I'll visit and love my nieces and nephews once a month (a 3 hr flight away) on my schedule. When I get two weeks off, I'm going on s safari. Not being cramped in your beach house from hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that they think they will be expected to babysit and don't want to? Is there any history of miscommunication or misunderstood expectations on that account?

That is the first thing that came to my mind, too.

[Anonymous]

Seems like on this thread the word "selfish" means "won't do what I want them to do."

OP's parents already raised their kids. They're past the beach vacation with little kids phase and don't care to return to it.

Saying that's not a choice they can make sounds pretty freaking entitled.

[Anonymous]

Your kids won't be work forever. They won't be little for long. In a few years you might actually appreciate that this precedent of vacationing w/extended family has NOT been set.

Your kids will be old enough to entertain themselves for a while. And you will be able to kick back, relax and not worry about cooking for a crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that they think they will be expected to babysit and don't want to? Is there any history of miscommunication or misunderstood expectations on that account?

That is the first thing that came to my mind, too.

Of course that's the worry. The grandparents want to be able to relax on their hard earned vacation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like on this thread the word "selfish" means "won't do what I want them to do."

OP's parents already raised their kids. They're past the beach vacation with little kids phase and don't care to return to it.

Saying that's not a choice they can make sounds pretty freaking entitled.

No one is saying it's not a choice they can make. But many people think it's a sad and yes a selfish choice because vacations are one of the only realistic times it's possible spend time with grandkids unless grandparents are local.

You can choose to be selfish, but you can't do whatever you want and force people not to have opinions about it.