If you got engaged after living together for a long time

[Anonymous]

And to the PP Who mentioned me hating bridezillas.. I never said that I did or didn't, so congratulations of receiving today's "addition to a post that was never said" award.

That being said.. I love bridezillas. Their weddings are always awesome for the really great food and bar, or for pure entertainment value (I figure it's a 50/50).

I won't be a bridezilla because, well, I've avoided being one this long. I'm a courthouse or another couple and immediate family kind of gal. And I can hardly wear white after this long can I?

[Anonymous]

Maybe deep down you liked the freedom, OP? After all, it's much easier to walk away or head in another direction (with a new partner) if you aren't actually married.

Does the prospect of a baby make you excited or stressed out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And to the PP Who mentioned me hating bridezillas.. I never said that I did or didn't, so congratulations of receiving today's "addition to a post that was never said" award.

That being said.. I love bridezillas. Their weddings are always awesome for the really great food and bar, or for pure entertainment value (I figure it's a 50/50).

I won't be a bridezilla because, well, I've avoided being one this long. I'm a courthouse or another couple and immediate family kind of gal. And I can hardly wear white after this long can I?

You are very exhausting. Count me impressed that you've kept someone interested in you 12 years.

Anyway, the vast majority of brides marrying today have lived with the groom and have had sex and wear white.

Back to my point about you wanting so badly to be a snowflake and box yourself into a label. Befor you were the unmarried LT relationship gal with a partnership longer and stronger than any marriage. You can't be in that box any longer so now you are courhouse marriage and no white wedding gal.
When you have kids I'm sure you'll find some motherhood category to box yourself into.
I would tell you to grow up, but you're 40 so that's pretty much a lost cause.
I can't offer you congrats because that will send you into an emotional crisis, so I hope you continue to have a nice life you, your fiance'/husband, any kids you may have , pets, and any boxes you choose to hop in a long the way.

[Anonymous]

Holy projection, PP. There are actually women who don't much care about weddings or whether they marry or not, when they're happy and solid in their relationship. I'm one. As a girl, I never daydreamed about a wedding or cared whether I would marry.

Also, there's nothing wrong with being the type of person who examines and tries to understand their feelings and why they are doing things. Just because you aren't given to that kind of thought doesn't make a more thoughtful person "exhausting" or desperate to be a special snowflake. It's just how they operate.

I can understand OP's pondering about whether it's okay for her to not be jumping up and down with excitement. She was happy in her relationship before and she's happy now. She may actually have mixed feelings about getting pregnant and all that having a child entails.

Her partner is one who feels that being married is a good idea if a couple wants to have a child. And he hopes for a child, with her, so marriage is his logical step and the reason he proposed.

Sometimes people are together a long time and then get married, and the proposal and wedding was an attempt to breathe life into a relationship that was actually winding down. (Same thing with couples mistakenly thinking a baby will make things better.) For that reason, OP is wise to look at her situation. Since they're both feeling good about things, it's probably going to be a good solid marriage. People I know who sound like the OP, and who went into marriage after long relationships have ended up as happy as ever.