So, it occurred to me that I am not the marrying kind... I'm so f**ked

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you. I've been with DH 18 years (met when we were 20&21). We have a lot of fun together and still have passion. We had kids early and here we are in our late 30s and having a blast together. Our kids are not toddlers or babies so we get out togethern quite a lot. And we actually ENJOY each others company. We love going to see off the beaten path bands, enjoy drinking too much together and then going home and having crazy drunk sex. The future is bright.

So for me, married life is not a boring hell and I've been doing this forever. I do think that when you have small kids it is so much more stressful. We no longer have that stress and it makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Op do you ever get anything out of sex? Maybe your sexual preferences are not heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you. I've been with DH 18 years (met when we were 20&21). We have a lot of fun together and still have passion. We had kids early and here we are in our late 30s and having a blast together. Our kids are not toddlers or babies so we get out togethern quite a lot. And we actually ENJOY each others company. We love going to see off the beaten path bands, enjoy drinking too much together and then going home and having crazy drunk sex. The future is bright.

So for me, married life is not a boring hell and I've been doing this forever. I do think that when you have small kids it is so much more stressful. We no longer have that stress and it makes a big difference.

What ages were the kids when things start to get better??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you. I've been with DH 18 years (met when we were 20&21). We have a lot of fun together and still have passion. We had kids early and here we are in our late 30s and having a blast together. Our kids are not toddlers or babies so we get out togethern quite a lot. And we actually ENJOY each others company. We love going to see off the beaten path bands, enjoy drinking too much together and then going home and having crazy drunk sex. The future is bright.

So for me, married life is not a boring hell and I've been doing this forever. I do think that when you have small kids it is so much more stressful. We no longer have that stress and it makes a big difference.

What ages were the kids when things start to get better??

Whrn both were in elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

[Anonymous]

In my 20s, I was in an 8 year relationship with someone I was great friends with but who I was not in love with. He also proposed and I said yes, and we were engaged forever because I never wanted to actually say "I do." One time I took a pregnancy test and he was all excited and I was praying so hard it was negative because I did not want to be "stuck" in that relationship forever. If it had been positive, I'm sure I'd be you, but I eventually got up the nerve to end things. I'm now married with one child, and no part of me feels trapped or stuck. DH and I are actually not as good at communicating and we have more conflict, but I feel like our differences make things more interesting. Both men are "good guys" but sometimes you need the yin and yang to create chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

NP here. I don't personally think it is immoral, per say, but my problem with the idea of an open marriage is that people can very easily become totally consumed by new sexual and/or romantic experiences. Think about the time when you were dating and would stare at your phone constantly waiting for a text from that new exciting person you just started seeing. What kind of spouse and parent can someone be if they are caught up in the first flushes infatuation? What about when they get rejected and get really down and preoccupied about it?

Call me old-fashioned, but a healthy marriage is the ideal that should be strived for in my view because it can be rewarding and fulfilling but is too familiar and steady to be all-consuming.

People need to try harder to make their marriages fufilling instead of grass-is-greener-ing it constantly.

[Anonymous]

My DH was a good man, and I thought and still think that I need a better reason other than "eh, not feeling it" to dump him. So like someone else mentioned, I hang in there and do what a good spouse is supposed to do but we both agree that we are not exactly kindred spirits.

Do you independently have a lot of money? Do you want your household income to be significantly reduced? Do you want to spend only 50 percent of your time with your child? Or take care of your child on your own 100 percent of the time? Do you want to spend holidays without your child? If those issues are not factors for you, then go ahead and "dump him." If not, I'd really think about it hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

NP here. I don't personally think it is immoral, per say, but my problem with the idea of an open marriage is that people can very easily become totally consumed by new sexual and/or romantic experiences. Think about the time when you were dating and would stare at your phone constantly waiting for a text from that new exciting person you just started seeing. What kind of spouse and parent can someone be if they are caught up in the first flushes infatuation? What about when they get rejected and get really down and preoccupied about it?

Call me old-fashioned, but a healthy marriage is the ideal that should be strived for in my view because it can be rewarding and fulfilling but is too familiar and steady to be all-consuming.

People need to try harder to make their marriages fufilling instead of grass-is-greener-ing it constantly.

I agree with this. In theory, an open marriage may make perfect sense for some couples, and reasonably discussing the pros and cons of such arrangements should be on the table as an option worth considering in many marriages. In practice, however, it is likely to be a way better deal for one spouse than the other and it is very susceptible to abuse, where the spouse in the stronger position can effectively coerce the other spouse to agree to it or risk being abandoned -- and the whole point of marriage is, it seems to me, to create a situation where people can rely on the commitment of their spouse and not be exposed to the instability and risk of the general sexual/relationship marketplace or having to worry about reopening such fundamental issues after investing a major chunk of their life in someone else. Even raising the issue can create a lot of insecurity that the other spouse thought they had a deal in place to avoid, and this is unfair in many cases. So whether it is moral or not very much depends on circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

Because it's adultery. Ever heard of the ten commandments? Google it. It will change your life for the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

Because it's adultery. Ever heard of the ten commandments? Google it. It will change your life for the better.

Zeus is my god, so, no on the 10 commandments. Zeus actively encourages sex outside of marriage. See: Io, Europa, Metis, and tons of others. Hera, on the other hand ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

Because it's adultery. Ever heard of the ten commandments? Google it. It will change your life for the better.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.

Crazy. And immoral.

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.

Because it's adultery. Ever heard of the ten commandments? Google it. It will change your life for the better.

Now you are making assumptions. And policing people's bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

me me Me ME ME ME me Me ME ME ME