Reply to So, it occurred to me that I am not the marrying kind... I'm so f**ked

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Reply to "So, it occurred to me that I am not the marrying kind... I'm so f**ked"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Open relationship? It works great for us and actually really brought the spark back between us. We both have our own lives apart from each other and we see it as having our own adventures to look forward to.

Honestly, marriage is boring. That's what makes it such a good vehicle for raising time and resource-intensive kids.[/quote]

This actually has worked for many couples! It may be just what you need, OP, to realize that you're both happy together.[/quote]
Crazy. And immoral. [/quote]

Please explain how it is immoral if both parties have agreed to it?  [/quote]

Because some people get off policing your bedroom.[/quote]

NP here. I don't personally think it is immoral, per say, but my problem with the idea of an open marriage is that people can very easily become totally consumed by new sexual and/or romantic experiences. Think about the time when you were dating and would stare at your phone constantly waiting for a text from that new exciting person you just started seeing. What kind of spouse and parent can someone be if they are caught up in the first flushes infatuation? What about when they get rejected and get really down and preoccupied about it?

Call me old-fashioned, but a healthy marriage is the ideal that should be strived for in my view because it can be rewarding and fulfilling but is too familiar and steady to be all-consuming.

People need to try harder to make their marriages fufilling instead of grass-is-greener-ing it constantly.[/quote]

I agree with this.  In theory, an open marriage may make perfect sense for some couples, and reasonably discussing the pros and cons of such arrangements should be on the table as an option worth considering in many marriages.  In practice, however, it is likely to be a way better deal for one spouse than the other and it is very susceptible to abuse, where the spouse in the stronger position can effectively coerce the other spouse to agree to it or risk being abandoned -- and the whole point of marriage is, it seems to me, to create a situation where people can rely on the commitment of their spouse and not be exposed to the instability and risk of the general sexual/relationship marketplace or having to worry about reopening such fundamental issues after investing a major chunk of their life in someone else.  Even raising the issue can create a lot of insecurity that the other spouse thought they had a deal in place to avoid, and this is unfair in many cases.  So whether it is moral or not very much depends on circumstance.  [/quote]

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