Is my dad taking advantage of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is taking advantage of you. No, the 25/75 split is not fair.

Sell it, OP. Sell it ASAP. Sell it before you get in some kind of huge legal trouble for things your father should not be doing in the clinic.

Sell it to disentangle yourself from a toxic person who does not have your best interest at heart.

Sell it to give yourself peace and space to earn honest money for your own family.

I would sell it and give him whatever you think is fair. Honestly, for what he has essentially stolen from you all this time, I think NOTHING is fair. But give him whatever will give you peace. If it gives you peace to give him 100% and be free of this, give that to him.

Don't expect him to be happy with whatever you give him. If you give him 100%, he will still be mad at you for selling his cash cow. YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. He will always blame his unhappiness on you.

It is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Please let yourself be free of this terrible, toxic situation and free of as much contact with your dad as possible. If you can get out of this deal without losing more time and any money, you will be well free of it at ANY price.

Thank you so much, I am honestly sitting here crying at your insight and kindness, thank you.

You're welcome, OP. I get it, I really do. You are smart and capable and have developed so many excellent skills to survive. But part of you is that little girl who still desperately wants a happy family, wants her dad to approve of her and love her.

The thing is that you have the potential to have a happy, safe, secure family - with the good man you married and the children you have created, who need safety and trust as much as you did. And having your dad have so much of a hold on your life is not good for you at all, and it's endangering your own self-created family, too. So even if you're not ready to let go of the dream of your dad loving you and approving of you (yet) for your own sake, you have to work really hard on letting go of it for the sake of your children.

What your dad has entangled you in could be really dangerous for you -- there could be lawsuits, malpractice, IRS issues -- all kinds of things that could cause financial ruin, cause you to be mentally and emotionally absent from your husband and kids, and at worst even result in jail time. And I think you know that someone as capable as you and accomplished as you would not only know this intellectually but also run at high speed away from this deal, were it not for how complicated your feelings for your dad are, and how painful it all still is for you.

It's going to take a long time for the little girl in you to truly understand and believe that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT and that YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. You can't. Unfortunately, he has made you his scapegoat, and he is an effective manipulator who can still push your buttons. But that little girl is only one part of you. There's also the strong, capable woman in you. And even though you'll need to work though all of this with a good, supportive therapist, you can't wait to feel better about all of it. You have to act now to protect your family and yourself. And that's where the strong woman in you is going to step up.

you can do this!

Thank you so much, I wish I could hug you right now. I am calling the accountant now to get the profit and loss statements over to the potential buyers to try and wrap this up as quickly as I can.

Sending a virtual hug. Good for you for making a move on this and wrapping it up as quickly as possible!!! Once you're off the phone with the accountant, I'd seriously make an appointment with a therapist. You are doing the RIGHT THING and you are taking good care of yourself. But you're about to face a shitstorm from your dad. It would be easy for me to say to just block him on your phone or something, but it doesn't sound like you are ready to take that kind of step right now. You'll need some help in managing some good boundaries with him and protecting yourself from the inevitable attempts to manipulate you and guilt you into thinking you are responsible for him.

(Seriously, it sounds like your dad is someone who is going to land on his two feet no matter what. He'll find someone else to swindle, he'll survive. He definitely has skills. He's just taken the easy way lately because you are a soft mark for him. His financial situation is not your responsibility aside from the fact that you have been responsible for gifting him some easy money lately. He's an adult and you are not responsible for his stupid decisions in the past, nor can you fix his future. The thicker the emotional wall you can build to protect yourself from him, the better. That means really practical stuff, like answering calls from him only one night a week or things like that, so that you can mentally tell yourself, "I'm free from any contact with Dad today" as often as possible. A therapist can help you with that!)

Wishing you luck. You can do this. Keep coming back for support as needed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are huge monthly profits for a medical clinic -- and your father has a record of being crooked. YOU and YOU alone are being set up to take the fall when the clinic is audited for fraud by insurance companies, Medicare, etc. Yeah, sell now.

Yup, I was also thinking Medicare/insurance fraud. You need to get out of this situation ASAP and hold onto all of the money for a few years just in case you need to settle a fraud or back taxes issue.

[Anonymous]

because he cannot be a licensed owner due to legal troubles and felonies in his past.

You are now surprised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- are these clinics either marijuana or "pain management" clinics?

(Also a lawyer with a toxic father who pulled her into some financial shenanigans until I wised up).

They sound like something of that kind... "pain management" would be one reason to sell, since there may be more regulation into this sector coming up, contrary to marijuana.

Yes, pain management and drug rehab.

These types of "cash-only" clinics are responsible for so many overdoses and deaths. In addition, there is about a 100% chance that your father is skimming a large amount of that cash and is grossly under-reporting his income. I'm sure it's far higher than either you or the IRS know. You should dump this dog of a clinic and your dog of a father quickly before the officials find out what's really going on there.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, you are still allowing this abusive person to manipulate and abuse you. You need therapy as to why you made a $400k investment at the urging of someone you know is a felon. Dad or not.

Either sell or fire him. Alternatively I suppose you could tell him, here are the terms under which you can remain employed at my clinic. Not sure if he'd tried to sabotage the whole thing however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- are these clinics either marijuana or "pain management" clinics?

(Also a lawyer with a toxic father who pulled her into some financial shenanigans until I wised up).

They sound like something of that kind... "pain management" would be one reason to sell, since there may be more regulation into this sector coming up, contrary to marijuana.

Yes, pain management and drug rehab.

These types of "cash-only" clinics are responsible for so many overdoses and deaths. In addition, there is about a 100% chance that your father is skimming a large amount of that cash and is grossly under-reporting his income. I'm sure it's far higher than either you or the IRS know. You should dump this dog of a clinic and your dog of a father quickly before the officials find out what's really going on there.

+1. I'm the one who asked the question originally, and my dad was into the medical marijuana business out west. These types of businesses are really attractive to the middle-aged man, in and around his 50s, that has been mostly a loser/manipulative (fake nice guy)/drug user. I can guarantee you that not all is right with these clinics. Sounds like you are planning to sell and get out of this disaster of a situation, so I won't pile on, but please acknowledged that there are likely many illegal things going on there that you are unaware of, but could ultimately be held responsible for and it could cost you and your family big time ($$, jail, loss of law license).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, my heart just aches for you. I think you really need to take this offer and get out, because this is not healthy for you. As to how to split the money, my first question is whether the monthly loan payment has been coming out of profits before anyone gets paid, or if you've been paying it out of your own pocket and then getting only $2k back as partial reimbursement? If it's the latter, the very first thing that has to be done with the profit is to reimburse you (with interest) for everything you've paid out for the clinic. Out of whatever's left, it would be completely within your right to keep it all. After all, you're the one who took the legal and financial risk of owning it (no matter how your father may paint it as him having done you a favor by finding this opportunity, you did him a huge favor by buying the clinics and keeping him employed all this time). If you would like to give him something, give him $60k. That would be approximately 6 months severance, so plenty to support him while he finds a new job.

Then, please take the remaining profit and use it to pay for a therapist for yourself to work on this. As much as you may feel you've largely moved past your abusive history, if you'd truly healed from it you wouldn't have allowed him to abuse you again in this matter (which is what he's doing). Abuse by your parents is incredibly difficult to recover from, and a skilled therapist can do wonders for helping you establish a healthy sense of self.

The $8k payments have been coming out as an expense of the clinics, they have paid that payment monthly. Part of the problem is that he really does have very few skills, doesn't have a high school diploma, and was in a really rough point a few years ago, and I feel like I am responsible for keeping him employed or he may be destitute. The last time that happened he called me in the middle of the night threatening to kill himself. Thank you so much for your insight and kind words.

Once you get out of this entanglement with him, it would make sense to change your number and make sure no one who stays in touch with him has it, so he can't manipulate you further. You are NOT responsible for him. He has a criminal past, has been abusive and manipulative to you, and his employability is his own concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are huge monthly profits for a medical clinic -- and your father has a record of being crooked. YOU and YOU alone are being set up to take the fall when the clinic is audited for fraud by insurance companies, Medicare, etc. Yeah, sell now.

Yup, I was also thinking Medicare/insurance fraud. You need to get out of this situation ASAP and hold onto all of the money for a few years just in case you need to settle a fraud or back taxes issue.

I think it would be very wise to have your own attorney look into this ASAP and find out if there are any legal irregularities/fraud, and if so, enter into voluntary compliance with whatever agency regulates it. If you think your father has been engaging in fraud through the clinic, it would not make sense to give him any more money - you may need it to pay penalties and/or reimburse whoever has been defrauded.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god. You are the sole owner. If you sell, you are entitled to all of it! Sell and take it! Get good legal counsel first!! Don't do it yourself, you are too emotionally involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are working on it, if the sale goes through we will, the buyers are a little flaky though, so we are waiting on our accountant to finish our profit and loss reports to give to the buyer before they make a final decision. If we sell, is 25-75 (with him getting 75%) fair?

No!!! Of course not! And if you are the sole owner you may have to pay gift taxes on what you give him!

Get a lawyer! Stop handling this yourself. Find a broker to sell it properly.

[Anonymous]

RUN. Don't get pulled into his stuff. He's not only making money off you, he's living a life he didn't give you off of our success.

Turn towards your kind and sane husband and let your dad float off.

[Anonymous]

You have no idea if they are dealing with fake prescriptions from doctors, stolen prescription pads, fake identities, stolen identities. That type of facility is rife with crime.
I am sitting here in disbelief that you as an attorney are fronting a pain pill/rehab clinic from 1500 miles away for your felon father.
Do you have ANY idea how much legal trouble you could get into? Someone who overdoses could sue YOU for their death.
You need to get out fast. You have a family of your own.

[Anonymous]

^^if it's cash only that means they are running the equivalent of a check cashing system but with drugs.
Cash only means no ID, period.

[Anonymous]

Sell ASAP.

Go back and calculate what you should have been getting per month, and then take that off the top of any profit from the sale. After that, if you want to give him something, give him 20-25%, which is generous, but before you do that get a lawyer and have your father sign a waiver of any potential legal claim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea if they are dealing with fake prescriptions from doctors, stolen prescription pads, fake identities, stolen identities. That type of facility is rife with crime.
I am sitting here in disbelief that you as an attorney are fronting a pain pill/rehab clinic from 1500 miles away for your felon father.
Do you have ANY idea how much legal trouble you could get into? Someone who overdoses could sue YOU for their death.
You need to get out fast. You have a family of your own.

This. I'm an attorney as well and I almost cannot believe this is real. It's amazing. Just shows exactly how f-ed up OP's father has her. Or that she's a terrible lawyer, but my money is on the former.

OP, you are in a very precarious position and stand to lose SO much. Consult an attorney tomorrow and protect yourself and your family. Good luck.

Also, see a therapist about how badly your father has messed with you. I'm so sorry about that. No one deserves that.