Is my dad taking advantage of me?

[Anonymous]

OP -- are these clinics either marijuana or "pain management" clinics?

(Also a lawyer with a toxic father who pulled her into some financial shenanigans until I wised up).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I am in a pretty complicated situation with my dad, I know I really shouldn't have gotten myself into this situation to begin with, but that is done and there is nothing I can do about that.

Last year, my dad came to me asking me to purchase two medical clinics. He was managing the clinics and the owner was moving to California and selling them, they are located out of state. My dad could not purchase them directly because he cannot be a licensed owner due to legal troubles and felonies in his past. I agreed to purchase them, no one put any money up front, the owner is taking $8k payments per month (purchase price of $400k, owe about $300k now). I am on all legal paperwork, I am the sole owner, I am on all licensing, insurance, etc. I am also an attorney and do a significant amount of the legal work for the clinics, contracts, employment agreements, non-competes, etc. I spend maybe 10 hours a week on work for the clinics. I have tried to nail down the split of profit with my dad, but he refuses to put anything in writing and now that I am trying to nail him down on a number, he keeps lowering my "portion."

Basically, he has been taking all the profits and giving me $2k/month. I found out recently he has been taking $10-$20k/month. This month I made him allot for all monies and he took $15,000 and I took $4,500. He runs the day to day operation of the clinics, but really is not very good at is, is very abrasive to staff, causes high staff turnover, etc. He went to Europe for a month, still took $20,000k and no one missed him. He is also paying his wife a salary of $6k/month as a receptionist. I should also note that he was appealing the state board, who said he could not work in the clinics at all because of his background, and it appears that he will lose his appeal. If this happens, he will be totally unable to work in any capacity at the clinics, but he still intends on taking his full monthly salary, even if he is not working.

For context, he was very abusive, physically and mentally, for most of my childhood. While I feel I have mostly moved past this, he is still very manipulative and has some unhealthy mental control on me, I recognize this and am trying to work through it. He tells me that I am greedy and only love money, and I am taking too much money from the clinics, etc etc etc.

At this point, he said that I am entitled to $2k/month as salary, and he takes $8k/month salary. Then on any profits over and above this, I get 25% and he gets 75%.

We have an offer to buy the clinics for $1.5 million, after real estate fees and paying off the first owner, we would have about $1mil remaining, after taxes more like $800k. If we sell, he insists that he will receive 75% and I would receive 25%. Does this seem fair? Am I being unreasonable?

What should I do? My husband wants me to go down there, put in a reasonably priced manager, kick him out (he has no legal right to the clinics) and take all of the profits. I think it is too difficult to try and manage a clinic from 1500 miles away, and because it is mostly a cash clinic, I don't know who I could really trust.

If it matters at all, my husband and I have a very normal life, we make about $175k a year apart from the clinics, we have 4 kids, and while we do okay, we are not wealthy, and have a lot of expenses to pay (including $200k in student loans). We live a very modest pretty quiet life, no extravagant vacations or cars.

He has a 26 year old Russian wife who has a 5 year old son, they go on trips to Europe, take expensive vacations, drive expensive cars, etc. He did not support me financially for most of my life, I left home when I was 13 due to the abuse.

Thanks for taking the time to read and offer insight.

Um, yes, he is. You own it? Sell it. Immediately. And don't look back.

[Anonymous]

OP,

1. Get a therapist to heal from your lack of boundaries with this abusive person who happens to be biologically related to you.

2. Treat this situation as a BUSINESS decision. Kick this person out, and then either find a manager or sell the clinics. But, please, kick him out first. This needs to happen as part of your therapy!

3. There is no reason why you should have any contact with him after this business decision. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- are these clinics either marijuana or "pain management" clinics?

(Also a lawyer with a toxic father who pulled her into some financial shenanigans until I wised up).

They sound like something of that kind... "pain management" would be one reason to sell, since there may be more regulation into this sector coming up, contrary to marijuana.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is taking advantage of you. No, the 25/75 split is not fair.

Sell it, OP. Sell it ASAP. Sell it before you get in some kind of huge legal trouble for things your father should not be doing in the clinic.

Sell it to disentangle yourself from a toxic person who does not have your best interest at heart.

Sell it to give yourself peace and space to earn honest money for your own family.

I would sell it and give him whatever you think is fair. Honestly, for what he has essentially stolen from you all this time, I think NOTHING is fair. But give him whatever will give you peace. If it gives you peace to give him 100% and be free of this, give that to him.

Don't expect him to be happy with whatever you give him. If you give him 100%, he will still be mad at you for selling his cash cow. YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. He will always blame his unhappiness on you.

It is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Please let yourself be free of this terrible, toxic situation and free of as much contact with your dad as possible. If you can get out of this deal without losing more time and any money, you will be well free of it at ANY price.

Thank you so much, I am honestly sitting here crying at your insight and kindness, thank you.

You're welcome, OP. I get it, I really do. You are smart and capable and have developed so many excellent skills to survive. But part of you is that little girl who still desperately wants a happy family, wants her dad to approve of her and love her.

The thing is that you have the potential to have a happy, safe, secure family - with the good man you married and the children you have created, who need safety and trust as much as you did. And having your dad have so much of a hold on your life is not good for you at all, and it's endangering your own self-created family, too. So even if you're not ready to let go of the dream of your dad loving you and approving of you (yet) for your own sake, you have to work really hard on letting go of it for the sake of your children.

What your dad has entangled you in could be really dangerous for you -- there could be lawsuits, malpractice, IRS issues -- all kinds of things that could cause financial ruin, cause you to be mentally and emotionally absent from your husband and kids, and at worst even result in jail time. And I think you know that someone as capable as you and accomplished as you would not only know this intellectually but also run at high speed away from this deal, were it not for how complicated your feelings for your dad are, and how painful it all still is for you.

It's going to take a long time for the little girl in you to truly understand and believe that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT and that YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. You can't. Unfortunately, he has made you his scapegoat, and he is an effective manipulator who can still push your buttons. But that little girl is only one part of you. There's also the strong, capable woman in you. And even though you'll need to work though all of this with a good, supportive therapist, you can't wait to feel better about all of it. You have to act now to protect your family and yourself. And that's where the strong woman in you is going to step up.

you can do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP -- are these clinics either marijuana or "pain management" clinics?

(Also a lawyer with a toxic father who pulled her into some financial shenanigans until I wised up).

They sound like something of that kind... "pain management" would be one reason to sell, since there may be more regulation into this sector coming up, contrary to marijuana.

Yes, pain management and drug rehab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is taking advantage of you. No, the 25/75 split is not fair.

Sell it, OP. Sell it ASAP. Sell it before you get in some kind of huge legal trouble for things your father should not be doing in the clinic.

Sell it to disentangle yourself from a toxic person who does not have your best interest at heart.

Sell it to give yourself peace and space to earn honest money for your own family.

I would sell it and give him whatever you think is fair. Honestly, for what he has essentially stolen from you all this time, I think NOTHING is fair. But give him whatever will give you peace. If it gives you peace to give him 100% and be free of this, give that to him.

Don't expect him to be happy with whatever you give him. If you give him 100%, he will still be mad at you for selling his cash cow. YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. He will always blame his unhappiness on you.

It is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Please let yourself be free of this terrible, toxic situation and free of as much contact with your dad as possible. If you can get out of this deal without losing more time and any money, you will be well free of it at ANY price.

Thank you so much, I am honestly sitting here crying at your insight and kindness, thank you.

You're welcome, OP. I get it, I really do. You are smart and capable and have developed so many excellent skills to survive. But part of you is that little girl who still desperately wants a happy family, wants her dad to approve of her and love her.

The thing is that you have the potential to have a happy, safe, secure family - with the good man you married and the children you have created, who need safety and trust as much as you did. And having your dad have so much of a hold on your life is not good for you at all, and it's endangering your own self-created family, too. So even if you're not ready to let go of the dream of your dad loving you and approving of you (yet) for your own sake, you have to work really hard on letting go of it for the sake of your children.

What your dad has entangled you in could be really dangerous for you -- there could be lawsuits, malpractice, IRS issues -- all kinds of things that could cause financial ruin, cause you to be mentally and emotionally absent from your husband and kids, and at worst even result in jail time. And I think you know that someone as capable as you and accomplished as you would not only know this intellectually but also run at high speed away from this deal, were it not for how complicated your feelings for your dad are, and how painful it all still is for you.

It's going to take a long time for the little girl in you to truly understand and believe that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT and that YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. You can't. Unfortunately, he has made you his scapegoat, and he is an effective manipulator who can still push your buttons. But that little girl is only one part of you. There's also the strong, capable woman in you. And even though you'll need to work though all of this with a good, supportive therapist, you can't wait to feel better about all of it. You have to act now to protect your family and yourself. And that's where the strong woman in you is going to step up.

you can do this!

Thank you so much, I wish I could hug you right now. I am calling the accountant now to get the profit and loss statements over to the potential buyers to try and wrap this up as quickly as I can.

[Anonymous]

The minute you mentioned "clinic" and "felon" I immediately assume this whole thing is about health care fraud. No way do I think this clinic is genuinely dedicated to serving patients...that's likely a side business compared to false billings and other fraud schemes probably at play here. You sound really out of the loop on your own business...you better hope the FBI, HHS-IG's office or Medicare Strike Force don't come a knockin...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this all sounds made up

Or a Law and Order episode. OP is your father mobbed up?

Haha, not to my knowledge. At this point, I wish this was made up, sorry to disappoint you though.

[Anonymous]

Wish I worked at this clinic...I'd likely get to file a whistleblower suit. Gotta love Stark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The minute you mentioned "clinic" and "felon" I immediately assume this whole thing is about health care fraud. No way do I think this clinic is genuinely dedicated to serving patients...that's likely a side business compared to false billings and other fraud schemes probably at play here. You sound really out of the loop on your own business...you better hope the FBI, HHS-IG's office or Medicare Strike Force don't come a knockin...

We don't take any 3rd party payments, it is all on a cash/credit card basis, so at least I know there is no insurance fraud going on.

[Anonymous]

I do want to clarify, there is an attorney overseeing the legality of things down there, he consults on licensing, etc. I am confident that there is nothing illegal happening (though of course I am not 100% sure). Its just a matter of him taking the vast majority of the profits. The other concern I had was him taking cash and not accounting for it, I have hired a forensic accountant and spoken with the staff to put some perimeters in place to account for every patient and every dollar since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The minute you mentioned "clinic" and "felon" I immediately assume this whole thing is about health care fraud. No way do I think this clinic is genuinely dedicated to serving patients...that's likely a side business compared to false billings and other fraud schemes probably at play here. You sound really out of the loop on your own business...you better hope the FBI, HHS-IG's office or Medicare Strike Force don't come a knockin...

We don't take any 3rd party payments, it is all on a cash/credit card basis, so at least I know there is no insurance fraud going on.

Doesn't matter. FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD

[Anonymous]

Fire your father, hire an experienced manager to run the place. If you want to give him money after that go ahead, but get him out if there. You can pay the manager a nice salary, you can sleep at night(your father could run up credit against business and you are in the hook) and your rate of return will be great.

[Anonymous]

Sell it asap. Stay away from any business with your Dad, learn from this lesson. If you walk away from this deal with a profit, consider it a windfall. Move on.